Go Yo!, 1000 N. Congress Ave., Suite 120, Boynton Beach. (561) 732-5558 | Directions, invite a friend

Those rich, classic songs, interpreted with Szot’s perfectly effortless baritone, sounded on Tuesday night at the Royal Room as if they were being sung for the first time, as if Szot was a knight pledging his hopeful, doomed commitment to someone he shouldn’t love, or a devastated lover recounting the romantic dream he’d realized and lost. Szot, a dashing figure with classic matinee idol looks and a reserved yet warm smile, sang as if the objects of that unrealized devotion had just slipped through the doors of the Royal Room and silently into the ether on Worth Avenue, as all the exquisite pain lingered. Devastating and cathartic for the singer, deliciously transcendent for the audience.

Yeah, it was that good.

Best bets: Broadway/opera star Paolo Szot, more | Directions, invite a friend

The Brazilian, opera-trained Szot traveled comfortably between Spanish-language songs and that lovely old American Songbook. “Almost Like Being In Love”  from “Brigadoon” was a breezy highlight, and his take on “Soliloquy,” the sweet, hopeful imagination of a bittersweet dream from “Carousel,” was uniquely moving, because even though it was done apart from the show, the listener likely knows what happens to Billy Bigelow and that child he’s looking forward to. Szot connects so beautifully to these songs, to the essence of their back story, and he makes you want to get a lot of Broadway shows on Netflix.

Szot is equally engaging when not singing, even when he’s just introducing the songs, and making polite, almost shy smiles at the audience. The only regret I had was when it was over.

I watched the Super Bowl halftime show mostly to see what Madonna was going to do to shock her way back into the public consciousness via the biggest game of the year. The answer: Not much to shock, other than still look so frigging awesome in her 50s. The thing that I noticed the most was that when Madge was on stage, even in her obvious nervousness, that I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, no matter which of her special co-stars – from Nicki Minaj to M.I.A. to even high priest of funky crazy Cee Lo Green – showed up.

So it wasn’t until after the Super Bowl was over and I was fighting with my DVR over what it did with my recording of ”The Voice” (curses!)  that I found out that rapper M.I.A. had flipped the bird, presumably to corporate America, traditional ideals, traditional American, corporate ideals and your sweet grandmother. And while NBC and the NFL point fingers trying to blame the foul-up on each other, I say that she who bore the finger bears the blame.

And to her I say: Oh, stop. Really. You’re embarrassing yourself.

I know that it helps one’s cred to be the person that tells the Man what they can do with their corporate acceptance and what not, and that appearing on one of the most American of Americana events hasn’t changed you. I mean, Clint Eastwood did a commercial during it about the American spirit. That’s some traditional stuff right there. And I can see that if you were an artist who built their reputation on being raw, rude and outspoken, then you might want to stand up in front of the largest audience you’re probably ever gonna have and say “I bow to no one, suckers! I am my own voice, and I will use your big corporate American dealie-do to spread that to the masses!”

But be real, sweetie. And you’re all about being real, so I know you can comprehend this. You took the check. You signed the contract. You don’t look like a rebel. You look like a desperate brat. A lot of things irritate me about modern pop culture, including “Jersey Shore” and the fact that “Prime Suspect” got cancelled when “Fear Factor” is back. But high on my list of things that just get under my virtual saddle and sting it like a burr – fake frigging rebels. Brats who whine about how hard it is to flourish under the light of corporate constraints but cash the check. Reality stars like Melissa “Real Housewives of New Jersey” Gorga who make some droning song about how “On Display” they are when they’re only on display because they put the price tag on their own butts and crawled over everyone else to plant themselves in the window.

And for you, little M.I.A. – you’re a recording artist. One who has a contract with a major company, who has been named by Time and Esquire as incredibly influencial, who is an activist and an advocate for disadvantaged people. So what does it do for those people, for that influence, when you show up on a major event and then act, at least, rudely, and at most, disrespectful and stupid? What did you think you were doing? What was that supposed to do? What were you trying to say? “I’m above this?” Then don’t do the show. This isn’t even like Mick Jagger saying a naughty forbidden word on nationwide TV, or Elvis Costello singing “Radio, Radio” on “Saturday Night Live” when he’d been told not to. Those were protests against control and censorship. I haven’t heard about things you were told not to do and say, and until we hear about them, this just sounds…juvenile. Inappropriate.

And like a rebel without a cause. Or class. I like a good rebellion as much as the next girl, but until we know what you’re rebelling against, it looks like you’re rebelling against your own bored discomfort at being on the Super Bowl when you’re supposed to be more “real.”

And that’s your issue. Don’t flip off the country if you can’t handle it. They certainly didn’t make you be on that show.

Bernadette Peters will have a playlist that ranges from Hammerstein to Sondheim. (Photo courtesy Judy Katz Public Relations)

Not long ago, Bernadette Peters was interviewed in Playbill about her favorite theater moments, the performances that inspired her career. It’s a little surprising and, frankly, thrilling to hear the voice of a Broadway icon light up as she talks about the joy of being a fan, just like the rest of us.

Because Bernadette Peters is not like the rest of us.

“I saw Richard with Kevin Spacey – it’s by Sam Mendes – and it’s just brilliant, the whole production,” says the Tony-winning, Emmy-nominated actress and singer who’s enlisted her powerful pipes and signature red curls to tell the stories of glamorous witches, little orphans, influential painters, sad little frogs and lonely single mothers.

“And I get so much out of seeing actors interviewed. I just read one of Sean Penn’s. I just find them so informative and encouraging, to find out why they do what they do, and how life informs them and their work. It’s so inspirational.”

Directions, nearby dining, invite a friend

During her Friday night performance at the Kravis Center, Peters, 63, will sing some of the music that’s made her an inspiration to a lot of younger actors contemplating a life in character shoes, traipsing from audition to audition and changing lives, one beautiful lyrical belt at a time.

Within theater circles, the actress, whose credits include Into The Woods, Sunday in the Park with George, Annie Get Your Gun and the just-closed Follies, is one of a rarefied group who can go a single name: Patti. Idina. Betty. Bernadette.

Peters says that her live show changes from time to time, depending “on what I’m working on at the time, and what’s happening in my life,”

In West Palm Beach, she’ll be doing “something from Follies, which was very exciting, and some (Stephen) Sondheim. I’m singing a lot of Rodgers and Hammerstein, like Some Enchanted Evening. I do Peggy Lee’s Fever on the piano, and When You Wish Upon a Star.

“I’m there to entertain and have a wonderful time with the audience, and go on a wonderful song adventure,” she says. “It’s great fun.”

Peters has interpreted the music of every imaginable Broadway composer, but she has a special relationship with the music of Sondheim, whose deceptively catchy work is prized among singers. Peters has worked with him several times, including Sunday in the Park with George, Into The Woods and the revival of A Little Night Music. She says there’s a reason that she’s drawn to his work.

“He writes the music and the lyrics. Very few composers do that,” she explains. “He’s like an actor playing a part. Each show is different and he fulfills the characters’ needs, the shoes he needs to fill. (Sunday) was about pointillism, the way Georges Seurat painted, and the beats of the songs were like that – ‘Bop-bop-bop-bop.’ He knows what he wants to say, and what the music should convey at the same time as the words. So it’s a well-balanced meal.”

When she’s not performing, Peters uses her clout to help humanity – and dog and cat-manity as well.

She’s been active with Broadway Cares, the Equity actors union’s AIDS charity, and co-founded Broadway Barks, which supports animal adoption, with Mary Tyler Moore. She recently wrote about the importance of microchipping animals – “They’re a great invention. If a dog gets out, there’s so much more of a chance that it will come home to you, if they can find out who it belongs to. That’s exactly what happened to Vanessa Williams! Her dog was stolen, and because it was chipped, she got the dog back.”

It’s probably been ages since Bernadette Peters had to go to an open audition, but she says she relates mightily to Smash, NBC’s new, heavily hyped show about the behind-the-scenes workings of a Broadway musical, which Peters will appear on later in the season.

“It’s very realistic. It’s written by Teresa Rebeck, who writes for theater, and has a show on Broadway like that. She knows what it’s like backstage, about people coming in and auditioning. She captures it very well.”

Peters plays “a very noted musical performer” who’s the mother of Ivy (Megan Hilty), a veteran of the chorus of a Broadway show finally getting a shot at a lead. Peters’ character, the kind of legend “who comes into a room and people say ‘Oh my God! I remember you from such and such, doesn’t have a great relationship with her daughter, because she was always working. It’s such wonderful writing.”

Having navigated that world quite successfully, she knows a thing or two about making it. And she has some advice for the Ivys of the world.

“(Don’t) give up,” she says. “If you have a dream, hold onto that dream. And never copy anyone – Find your truth, and always be who you are. There’s only one of you in the world. That advice was given to me. And it’s great advice.”

Bernadette Peters

When: 8 p.m. Friday

Where: Kravis Center, West Palm Beach.

Information: (561) 832-7469

I’d say that whatever NBC pays the people responsible for the promos for “Smash,” they need to quadruple it — they’ve been everywhere, including all eleventy-three of NBC Universal’s stations, magazines, and probably the inside of your eyelids (they can do that now, we hear. No unused advertising space). Even before it bows on Super Bowl Sunday, you probably know that it’s the behind-the-scenes story of a fictional musical about Marilyn Monroe, from the conception to auditions to rehearsals and the actual show, with all the soapiness and drama that surreal talent, ego, bright lights and competition can bring.

It’s gonna be soapy. But is it realistic? I know a little something about show business, having written about it for almost two decades, and being an occassional performer myself (My Ariel in the the 1999 Dreamworks production of “The Tempest” in a park in York, Pennsylvania was a triumph of will and a particularly smug flame-painted body stocking). Also, my twin sister Lynne has been a professional in musicals and theater in general, including two tours with Children’s Place for the Kennedy Center. But I wanted to get the opinion of someone who’s spent a lot of time on both sides of that auditioning table — so I watched the first few episodes of “Smash” with Donalda McCarthy.

Donni started as a performer and is now a professional theatre educator, having worked both domestically and in Hong Kong (fancy!). She’s the Artistic Director of Acting UP! Performers’ Academy (www.ActingUP.webs.com) and works with developing playwrights with her monthly New Playwrights’ Workshop at the S.D. Spady Museum in Delray Beach. She’s also a friend, dryly hilarious and a scream to watch TV with. We watched the first two episodes, which introduce fresh-faced newcomer Karen (“American Idol” runner-up Katharine McPhee, who the show insists it’s introducing you too almost 10 years after she became famous) and jaded, competitive and deadly-talented chorus vet Ivy (Megan Hilty), and then she watched the next two on her own and told me what she thought.

Her first impression seemed to be a tapping toe — the show’s original music, written for the “Marilyn” show-within-a-show, is pretty great. She says she thinks it “gives a fair portrayal of how politics and subjective opinions revolve within the arts world” — for instance, the show’s producer, played by Anjelica Huston, both loves the work and wants to prove herself in the industry apart from her former production partner, her cheating weasel of an ex. Co-writer Tom (Christian Borle) advocates for Ivy, who he’s worked with before and champions over newcomer Karen, and Tom’s creative partner Julia (the divine Debra Messing) is irked by Tom’s assistant, who seems to believe the musical was all his idea and resents his neophyte arrogance.

In other words, just because it involves music and feelings doesn’t mean there aren’t games being played — “Some call it ‘office politics’ when cubicles abound, but its definitely safe to advise your up-and-coming students how to ‘play the game,’” Donni says.

She also approved of the ambition of the young performers, whose plans for Broadway and world domination includes off-stage maneuvers as well  — “Madonna is a perfect example of going to New York on a mission, not to make friends and hope her dream comes true. Build that network! Take the ‘right’ classes just as lawyers attend the ‘right’ sports clubs. (It) portrays this in-your-face with the Personal Assistant character, but I enjoy the tangled version of the ‘Marilyn’ cast and crew, as well.”

Yes, even the drama is real — later in the episodes we screened, some catty veteran dancers nevertheless give the naive, unpolished Karen a style and dance intervention of sorts, which Doni thought was “written a bit too swiftly and syrupy, but the reality of it happening rings true. The other performers definitely heard the talent in (Karen’s) voice, and that makes you very popular in this world. We label it ‘Frenemy’ now.”

As for the some of the off-stage hijinks, Donni thought the writting was uneven in some parts — “I was unhappy with the extreme roller-coaster shift of the Debra Messing storyline away from dealing with her career-vs-marriage/family,” she says. “That was just so annoyingly abrupt to me I had to go back and re-watch with the focus on your intention.”

But there’s one part she adored, a later episode where an impromptu performance to impress a possible investor materializes in about 20 seconds, loose choreography, fabulousness and all, finding it “so organic to celebrate talent amongst your own. I giggled when I realized that indeed, every flat I’ve ever chosen was because of its open floor plan should a rehearsal randomly need to be held in my home. Even Andrew Lloyd Webber eventually build a theatre in his backyard because his living room ‘shows’ were getting too tight.”

Donni and I are both cautiously optimistic about the future of “Smash” — it’s amazing to see truly talented people in a show about adults — which is why it isn’t “Glee.” (Sorry, “Glee.”) “You only have the four episodes?” she said, laughing. “Now I’m gonna want to see the rest of it now!”

Me, too!

Donalda McCarthy’s monthly New Playwrights’ Workshop (Fourth Sundays at 5:00pm at the S.D. Spady Museum in Delray Beach.) She advocates for Keeping the Fun in Learning on her blog facebook.com/TheEdutainer. Follow her on Twitter @MissDonni.

Relish has become a go-to spot in Northwood. (Post file photo)

Northwood’s Relish is one of my favorite spots – it’s yummy, neighborhoody and has a menu with approximately eleventy-seven combinations of burger fillings, toppings, cheeses and other deliciousness. And they’ve added even more stuff since the last time I was there – mini mac and cheese, fresh hot doughnuts and mini corn dogs. I’m still partial to the polenta fingers, but it’s nice to have even more snacky variety to wash down with a red velvet milkshake. Hungry yet?

Relish, 401 Northwood Road. (561) 629-5377 | Directions, invite a friend

This is a hearwarming moment.

This is not.

Dear “Glee” children:

Well, looky here!

I was all set to be all annoyed with “Glee”‘s special Michael Jackson episode, because they have proven not only to do a disappointing theme episode now and then (that Madonna episode was lacking, and the less said about the Christmas episode and its outing to sing depressing guilt-inducing songs about starving Africans to homeless children.) And they seem to have a habit of taking older music and singing it without seeming to be listening, you know, to the words they are singing, and then making a concerted effort to have it make sense in the story. You know, like you should.

So I didn’t hold out much hope. OK…no hope. Negative hope. A hope account with a negative balance and checks bouncing all over the place. Imagine my surprise that “MJ” was not only one of the better episodes of the season, musically speaking, but managed to make at least a minimal effort to tailor the songs being sung to the action of the episode – action that actually compels the season’s biggest stories forward. And they were gorgeously done – Artie and Hot Mike Chang (this is his new name) danced their way through the anime space-time continuum of “Scream,” and the surprise cast face-morphing in “Black and White,” just like Michael did it, was a sweet tribute. Also, Mercedes and Sam’s “Human Nature” was sexy, well-harmonized and romantic.

Just a couple of things – because you knew they were going to be:

- The lyrics of “Smooth Criminal” were creepy enough when Michael was singing them and we weren’t sure what he was saying. Hearing an attractive teenage girl doing a menacing duet about “blood stains on the carpet,” with a guy who’s just blinded one of her friends with a toxic slushie, is a wee unsettling. And creepy. Nice hat, though, Santana.

- No matter how much you frame “Ben” as a sweet song about a true blue friend, and no matter how adorable and accurate the harmonies are, and how cute Darren Criss looks in an eye patch, it’s still a song about a friendship with a rat. A murderous rat leader of a rat gang who will reward your friendship with gentle chewing on your face.

Look it up.

But overall, good effort, kiddies.

Love, and I almost mean it this time,

A (not that bitter) Gen-Xer

P.S. Nice Andrew McCarthy reference.

And the food’s amazing, too — the Polpette di Carne Damiano ($12) are plump meatballs with creamy ricotta; the Calamari Fritti ($13) is golden-kissed perfection, and the Dentice Oreganata ($30) is yellowtail snapper perfectly kissed in white wine, bread crumbs and love. Check out the great wine list, and the never-ending string of Rat Pack hits playing with your dinner. Bring your palies, and your best dame.

Frank and Dino’s, 718 S. Federal Highway, Deerfield Beach. (954) 427-4909 | Directions, invite a friend

Andie MacDowell with her daughter, Rainey Qualley, at the 2012 Golden Globes. (Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times / MCT)

"We all have highs and lows. There are going to be moments that are perfect, and there are going to be moments that suck. You have to learn to be really happy in the moments that suck. That’s the true secret to happiness."

And with that, actress Andie MacDowell not only gives an idea for the next matter-of-fact T-shirt slogan, but sums up an attitude that she says has seen people through almost anything, including the women she’s seen heroically fight ovarian cancer.

"Those ladies are so inspiring, for us to see people who are dealing with real problems, instead of ‘Do you have a hit movie or not,’" says MacDowell, the keynote speaker for the Palm Healthcare Foundation’s H.O.W. (Hearing the Ovarian cancer Whisper) Time is of the Essence luncheon today at the Flagler Museum on Palm Beach.

"They can maintain joy and a sense of self and reach out to others to lift them up. I had some of the ladies over to my house recently, and they were trying to lift me up! It blows my mind how people can be so generous in their own spirit to do that. I’ve learned a lot from them," she says.

The actress (Four Weddings and A Funeral, Groundhog Day, Green Card, Short Cuts) became involved in ovarian cancer causes through L’Oreal Paris, which she has long promoted. Since 1997, the brand has raised more than $18 million for ovarian cancer causes. MacDowell says she has learned through her involvement that ovarian cancer can be particularly insidious because it’s not easy to diagnose.

"There’s no way to have early detection, because the symptoms can be so different for different people," she explains. "There are women who have said that their back hurt, and that was the start of it. Who would ever think that meant ovarian cancer? In a way I forgive the doctors who sometimes misdiagnose it initially, because those symptoms are hard."

She says that the key is in women being insistent on finding answers to the things that they know are going on in their own bodies, even if they can’t put a name to it.

"People quite often are in tune with their bodies and it’s sad to know that something is wrong, and maybe even where it is, and not know what," she says. "I don’t know how we teach that to doctors."

What has to be taught to women, who are usually busy taking care of everyone else, is to focus on themselves long enough to get checked out.

"I have heard this over and over again, that because their symptoms were not the kind of things that mean you couldn’t function, that didn’t stop you from making lunch or getting the kids dressed for school, that most of the time they kept doing for other people," MacDowell says. "You cannot ignore (symptoms), no matter how small. You cannot ignore it. The majority of these women ignored it, and they were really disappointed that they did."

MacDowell has been busy, apart from her acting and activism – her daughter Rainey Qualley, 21, a dancer and actor trained at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, recently served as Miss Golden Globes, an honor given each year to the daughter of a performer. MacDowell was beaming during Rainey’s introduction on the broadcast.

"I was certainly a proud mom," she says. "It was actually a lot of fun. We had a great time. Once I saw her out there, so poised, I was assured. Her legs were shaking so much she was afraid she was gonna fall down! I know that feeling, too. It dissipates."

She says that while there are no guarantees for the success of Rainey or anyone in Hollywood, it’s easier to achieve depending on one’s definition – "Is my success someone else’s idea of what it should be, or is my success my own?" she says. "People might judge me because I haven’t been in a hit movie in a while – although I was in (the remake of) Footloose - and say ‘She’s a failure. She’s been gone for years.’ People project that onto me. But I never felt I was a failure."

Neither would anyone, logically, who has been in as many hit movies as MacDowell, currently appearing on ABC Family’s Jane By Design. But the point she’s making is not about comparing box office numbers, but understanding and appreciating one’s successes by pride of accomplishment.

"I’m a successful mother, first and foremost, and a successful friend. My job doesn’t define me. It’s an asset to my life," she says. "I look at (my daughter) and say ‘OK, she’s going into a really risky industry. What isn’t? Can you maintain a balance in your life?’ That’s the key."

leslie_streeter@pbpost.com

Andie MacDowell: Time is of the Essence luncheon | Directions, invite a friend

When: Today, 11:30 a.m.

Where: Flagler Museum

Info: (561) 837-2285 or email jmcgrath@phfpbc.org.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/bVN6RFis7E8

Behold “Someone Other Than Newt,” in which Frank gets all moody and black and white-musey in front of a body of water, and ponders the possibility that someone besides Mr. Gingrich get the nomination. It’s funny, timely and calls to mind some of Weird Al’s best wordplays. Funny knows no ideology.

The Cliffhanger is one of the fair's unmissable rides. (Courtesy wadeshows.com)

With the South Florida Fair ending Sunday, here are five rides to try before the closing bell:

The Megadrop: Fear of falling? Just ate a doughnut burger? Maybe it’s not for you. But do you live for that sweet scary second where your stomach seems to drop before the rest of your body, as you plummet about 120 feet, your feet dangling free as your screams go viral? You’re gonna love it.

Two rides tie in poll for favorite | More on the South Florida Fair

The Cliffhanger: You’re strapped in, face down, in a prone position, like a hanglider, as the wind whips around you and you survey the faces of fairgoers who aren’t as brave as you are.

RC-48: Or, as the guy who operated it when we got on called it, Final Destination 3. This fast, whippy roller coaster isn’t quite as scary as a movie about Death coming back to find you, but for a non-permanent fair coaster, it’s got some impressive twists and a few thrillingly sickening drops.

The Fire Ball: It feels like the air is a stick-wielding kid and you’re the piñata, as the brightly-lit chamber hurtles you back and forth, up and down. It’s so much more fun than it sounds. Note: Unlike a piñata, this one’s probably best if you’re not full of candy.

Himalaya: It’s old school, and good old-fashioned fun – you’re riding round and round, faster and faster, over simulated slopes, while being propelled into whatever friend you’re sitting next to.

Author Beth Raymer at the Blue Planet Writers' Room in Northwood. (Bruce R. Bennett / Palm Beach Post)

It was a surreal moment for Beth Raymer.

There before her was her old office — well, not really her office, but its exact re-creation, from the desk to the lighting to the chairs.

"The difference," she recalls, "is that Catherine Zeta-Jones was sitting in one of the chairs."

The Chicago star wasn’t one of Raymer’s real-life co-workers, and neither were Bruce Willis and Vince Vaughn. But the details of Raymer’s real life, a journey that began in her hometown of Wellington, are so surrealistic that they practically demanded to be written into a book and a Hollywood movie.

And now they have.

Raymer’s life in the unpredictable world of bookies and offshore gambling provided the background for her memoir, Lay the Favorite, and a new movie of that same name starring Zeta-Jones, Willis, Vaughn and British actress Rebecca Hall (Vicky Cristina Barcelona) as Raymer.

The film, directed by Stephen Frears (The Grifters, High Fidelity, The Queen), premiered this month at the Sundance Film Festival, where reactions among critics was mixed, and does not have a general release date yet.

Raymer, 35, is temporarily back in Palm Beach County to research her next book, a semi-autobiographical novel about a young girl who moves from the Ohio Valley to the wilds of Loxahatchee.

She will appear Friday for a reading of Lay the Favorite at Harold’s Coffee Lounge in West Palm Beach’s Northwood Village, to benefit the Blue Planet Writers’ Room.

The book covers her adventures in environs both wild and mild — the North Florida trailers of the clients she visited as a social worker, the Tallahassee-area homes and offices where she worked as an "in-home stripper" while working her way through Florida State University, the offices of gamblers in Las Vegas and New York, the beaches of Curacao, and the halls of Columbia Journalism School and a prestigious Fulbright Scholarship.

That weird, colorful journey starts in Wellington, which, when 5-year-old Raymer moved there with her family in 1981, "was just rattlesnakes and strawberries." The future writer admits that "I didn’t read at all as a kid. The Books on Wheels (truck) would come by, and I would just get movies, like those PBS histories of presidents. I didn’t really like reading until my 20s, or start writing until my late 20s. Until then, it was just experience, experience, experience."

‘Horrible student’

The so-called "horrible student" and former basketball player graduated from Wellington High in 1994, and then took an unhurried approach to her post-secondary education, getting her associate’s degree from the then-Palm Beach Community College. She admits that her priority as a young adult "was about making money," taking various jobs as a shot girl at a local bar and waitressing at the Waffle House and at a barbecue joint.

By the time she made her way to Florida State to study social work, she was working for the Department of Children and Families inspecting homes in Wakulla County, "which didn’t go so well, spending time telling people what to do, going into their trailers to see if they were clean. I had to report when they were dirty, when my house was dirty."

During her stint in Tallahassee, Raymer also worked briefly for an adult website and as a stripper who made home or office visits, which she writes about in her book. When asked about it now, she grimaces comically and covers her face with her hands. "It’s in the book. Oh, Tallahassee. Where it all comes together," she says, playfully borrowing the city’s tourism catchphrase.

While the stripper angle is made a lot of in the promotion of the movie version of Lay the Favorite, it’s her following gigs in the gambling industry that not only give it its title, but fill the bulk of the book.

In 2001, she moved to Las Vegas with a boyfriend, planning to spend a few months there making money as a cocktail waitress before heading with him to Los Angeles. But the relationship ended "almost immediately," and she found that cocktail waitress jobs in Vegas are highly competitive. While waitressing at a Thai restaurant to pay the bills, a frequent customer, who was a masseuse, mentioned that one of her clients was a professional gambler looking for an assistant.

And that’s what led her to Dink, played in the movie by Willis. As with many assistant jobs, Raymer started around 8 a.m., although the tasks were very specific. "I made all of his bets, then went to the casinos," she says. "I started getting promoted to sort of a junior partner. I was the only woman there – in that world you don’t meet so many. But I was a solid employee."

Deep into gambling

Raymer did so well in Vegas that she wound up in New York, working for a professional bookmaker, played in the movie by Vince Vaughn. It was with him that she moved to Curacao to help run his offshore sports betting business while enjoying living in the Caribbean, shark fishing with local friends and taking four-hour lunch breaks.

Of course, it wasn’t all beach time and papaya milkshakes. "It was stressful. Gambling’s not the most sensitive business – it’s not like the people have MBAs. But it’s constantly changing – things are legal one day, and illegal the next," Raymer says. "Not to get dark here, but we’re working 17 hours a day in a vacuum, with a lot of middle-aged guys from Long Island watching baseball all day. It drove me nuts."

She stayed there for about a year until "the business kind of imploded. It went bankrupt. Someone was stealing – it was an inside job, and there was no money to pay anybody (on bets)."

Her experiences engendered a certain amount of fearlessness, something Raymer believes she always had: "I believed that something better always comes along. You have to be open to it."

Raymer worked on the book while in Costa Rica as part of her Fulbright scholarship. She says that she hadn’t kept a journal or notes during her adventures, but had written her boyfriend letters the whole time she was in the Caribbean, which she used as her writing sample to apply to Columbia. The Ivy League was "so different from PBCC, as you might imagine. It was such a serious place. I remember standing at the gates at 116th Street and thinking ‘I can’t believe that five months ago, I was in the Caribbean.’ "

It was in her last semester that a professor suggested writing about her experiences. If the meat of her story sounds unlikely, any writer who’s dreamed of a book deal will tell you that the circumstances of Raymer’s deal with Random House are almost as much of a fairy tale.

The story was bought as a movie just from her proposal, before she’d even written the book. "I sent the screenwriter the chapters as I went along," she says. "There was a lot of pressure, but it taught me how important momentum is, especially in film. If someone is interested, you’ve got to get it to them."

Memoirs are a vulnerable thing – there’s your life out there for everyone to peruse and judge. Raymer says her biggest concern was how her friends from the gambling world would like their portrayal (they turned out to love it). In the end, she says her journeys proved "I certainly had drive, even in my stripping job. I took the jobs I took to make it the best I could."

And she wants the readers and, now, viewers of her story to understand that their stories have worth, no matter where they take them.

"It’s OK to have an unconventional life, to have an open mind," she says. "I’ve met so many kids in their 20s who are so rigid. It’s OK to have new experiences. There could be a whole other path waiting for you."

Beth Raymer: A reading: 7-9 p.m. Friday, Jan. 27, Harold’s Coffee Lounge, 514 Northwood Road, West Palm Beach. Information: (561) 837-9000. | Directions, invite a friend

Larry King performs at the Kravis Center on Tuesday. (Thomas Cordy / Palm Beach Post)

I admit to not knowing exactly what to expect from Larry King’s live comedy gig, “Larry King Standing Up” (love a play on words!), where he would be not only doing stand-up comedy, but standing rather than sitting behind his CNN microphone. I mean, no greater an authority on his act than the bespectacled one himself explained it to me, but that’s not the same as knowing whether he would be actually funny … without, you know, prompting or a guest.

I should not have been worried.

“Larry King Standing Up” is a warm, down-to-earth hour of storytelling from a master storyteller, dishing about his upbringing in Brooklyn and his meetings with the famous. He is, in parts, a little schticky – my favorite  invisible rim shot moment was when he addressed the huge age difference between he and his wife Shawn, and the chance that the age difference might one day cause issues since their life spans might not match.

“If she dies,” he says, “she dies.”

It’s a quick, corny bit, but the timing is not only self-aware but deliciously arch. Game on.

Photos: Larry King at the Kravis

My favorite bit was about getting Frank Sinatra on his show in Miami, when he was but a wee radio host, as a favor to Jackie Gleason. You can just see The Chairman of the Board taking his own sweet time getting to the studio, knowing that this kid was sweating, and then pulling it out like a trouper at the end. Because we know so much about Sinatra, and we feel so comfortable with King, it’s like a trusted uncle spinning a yarn. We feel like we’re there. And it’s awesome.

I wish there had been more people in the audience – those in attendance seemed to love it, and gave King a hearty round of applause. It was like spending an hour with someone you really, really like and realizing he was even cooler than you knew.

For the sake of time, I’ll just be running down the acting nominations and Best Film, because…deadlines and such. Here we go! Tom Shirk, Academy president, welcomes us, and introduces Jennifer Lawrence, soon to be the next huge thing after “The Hunger Games” comes out. Good for her.

‘Hugo’ leads Academy Awards with 11 nominations | Oscars.com: Full list of nominees

Supporting actress: Berenice Bejo, “The Artist,” Jessica Chastain, “The Help,” Melisa McCarthy, “Bridesmaids,” Janet McTeer, “Albert Nobbs,” Octavia Spencer, “The Help.”

Unless the Oscar voters are going to massively zig where everyone else has zagged, this is probably Octavia Spencer’s night, unless they can’t resist the chance to give some love to a true genuis comic performance like the one Melissa McCarthy gave. It involved puppies in berets, bad Brazilian food and extreme fighting. What’s not to love?

Best supporting actor: Kenneth Branaugh, “My Week With Marilyn,” Jonah Hill, “Moneyball,” Christopher Plummer, “Beginners,” Max Von Sydow, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,” Nick Nolte, “Warrior”

As intriguing as it would be to see Jonah Hill win an Oscar while promoting a remake of “21 Jump Street” that nobody needed (Good Lord, Gen Y. Please get your own pop culture and leave our crappy Gen X shows alone), and as good as he was, I truly believe that Baron Von Trapp has it in the bag.

Best Actress: Glenn Close, “Albert Nobbs,” Viola Davis, “The Help,” Rooney Mara, “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo,” Meryl Streep, “The Iron Lady,” Michelle Williams, “My Week With Marilyn”

It’ll be Viola or Meryl. Sorry, other awesome ladies (particularly Michelle Williams, who has proven herself to be a true artist, and a true inhabitor of character).

Best Actor: Demian Bachir, “A Better Life,” George Clooney, “The Descendants,” Jean Dujardin, “The Artist,” Gary Oldman, “Tailor Tinker Soldier Spy,” Brad Pitt, “Moneyball”

I’m torn. I really think that Dujardin has a shot for his moving silent role in “The Artist,” and as was pointed out on “Today,” Hollywood loves movies about Hollywood. But I think it’s anyone’s game. Clooney has the love of the world, Oldman’s never been better and Pitt’s better in this than he’s been in years. And as a sad fan of CBS’ dear departed “NUMB3RS,” I miss entertainment about hot men and math. So “Moneyball” fulfilled me on so many levels.

Best Picture: “War Horse,” “The Artist,” “Moneyball,” “The Descendants,” “Tree of Life,” “Midnight in Paris,” “The Help,” “Hugo,” “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”

I’m gonna go with “The Artist,” because it’s been fabulously reviewed, takes a chance by being silent, and again, Hollywood loves to lovingly navelgaze. But “The Descendants” is getting considerable buzz, so…

I love that the Academy looked at the ten-movie field last year and realized how much of a glut there was, having to fill slots. So this year, each film had to get a percentage of votes to be considered, and there could be anywhere from 5-10 nominees. They went with nine, and not a one of them seems to suck. Oh, progress.

Larry King left CNN, and now he's on tour talking about his life and interviews.

It might be difficult to prove that Kim Kardashian is responsible for the fall of Western civilization (although there may be evidence of her as a co-conspirator), but she is definitely responsible for the end of Larry King Live.

OK, maybe not completely responsible. But she didn’t help.

"I don’t miss tabloid stuff. I don’t miss the Kardashians, the whole ‘Who’s married to who’ thing," says former CNN host and consummate interviewer Larry King. "When I had to start doing a lot of that, I started thinking ‘I’m gonna start looking for other things.’ I didn’t enjoy it as much. There were a lot of the (later) shows where I still had a curiosity, but then I’d go to do the Kardashians, and I didn’t want to do it."

With 78 years of stories and more than 50,000 interviews to draw from, it’s not likely that King will have to mention those tabloid and reality queens during his live show at the Kravis Center on Tuesday.

Directions, nearby dining

Just a year since signing off from his nightly CNN microphone for the final time in December 2010, the Brooklyn native has done occasional specials for the network and a 90-minute "very theatrical" live presentation developed with his nephew, Broadway producer Scott Zeiger.

"It’s all funny stories," King reports from his home in Beverly Hills. "I think that if I hadn’t been a broadcaster I would have enjoyed being a stand-up comic. These are stories I’ve told for years, and we had about four hours of material that we weaned down to 90 minutes. It changes sometimes, depending on the audience. I just love making people laugh."

Choosing between all of that material comes down to "being picky."

"There are certain classic stories that I just love telling," King says. That pickiness is part of what makes him a good interviewer, he says, coming down not so much to what he says but listening to his subject, and then asking the appropriate question to springboard off of that.

"First, you gotta listen," he confirms. "If you don’t listen, you’re gonna miss a lot of things. Those answers bring questions you don’t know you want to ask before that."

Another secret to his success, he says, is an "instinctive ability to draw people out" – and it’s true that King’s persona is of a suspendered, chatty uncle who leans over his cup of coffee and is truly interested in what you have to say, even when he sometimes talks over you. He seems curious.

"I have a framed letter from Sinatra that said ‘You make the camera disappear,’ and that was a great compliment to me," he says. "I always had that curiosity, even as a kid. I asked the bus driver ‘Why do you want to drive a bus?’ I ask a lot of questions. I want to make people think – ‘Why do you do what you do?’ I found that I enjoyed asking questions."

In other words, he chuckles, "I was not the kind of person you’d like to sit next to on an airplane."

One imagines that if they wound up sitting next to Larry King on a plane, they’d be thrilled, even if they’d planned to nap the whole flight. "I love finding out things. That’s why I’m so inquisitive. Every day I’m learning new information. I think it keeps me young."

King’s so good at what he does that he makes it look conversational and easy, even when it’s not. He’s asked about a memorable show from 1999 with enigmatic pop icon Prince, who’s not the most forthcoming traditionally with journalists – "It was never him asking me anything, so it wasn’t a conversation. But when you do it right, it appears (that way). You could ask him in a 100 ways ‘So, what are you doing with a name like Prince?’ and get a defensive answer. But if you ask him like ‘So why Prince?’ you get a really interesting answer. He’s more inclined to answer if he’s having someone really be interested and not making fun of his name, for instance."

Although he obviously can give advice about interviewing, King says that "it’s not a formula you can teach," and even turned down an opportunity to teach such a class at Ohio State University because "you can’t give someone curiosity who doesn’t have it. Every good reporter has that, or you couldn’t exist. "

That curiosity not only makes for a good interview, but for a good dinner party – anyone who’s ever sat next to an uncommunicative dud who speaks in monosyllabic answers knows that . Late last year, King hosted a CNN special called Dinner With The Kings, where he and wife Shawn hosted an eclectic group of guests including Conan O’Brien, Tyra Banks, Russell Brand and others. He says that the conversation was "all curiosity-driven."

"We learned about how people feel about things – they’re fascinating. All people are fascinating."

King says that another key to interviewing is that he "never went on the air with preconceived notions, never with an agenda," which seems like a good way to approach conversation with or without a camera.

"It ain’t brain surgery," he quips. "I was never nervous – it was my show! Sometimes, there are moments – my first interview in the White House, you start to think ‘I’m just a little kid from Brooklyn!’ But the president puts his pants on one leg at a time, like all of us. He does all the things that you do. The only person I was ever in awe of was Sinatra, but I’m a big fan."

King says he’s confident in his decision to retire from his nightly CNN show, but admits that he’s missed not having covered big stories, such as the death of Osama bin Laden, or the current president election. But he’s proud of his career, and offers this final bit of advice to anyone wanting to follow in his seat behind the mic.

"The number one thing for an interviewer to know is that people who talk more than their guests, or interrupt their guests, don’t learn anything," he says. "I never learned anything when I was talking."

Gayle Cook Greer, her brother, Bobby McGehe, and their mother, Darline McGehe, help reunite lost children and parents at the South Florida Fair. (J. Gwendolynne Berry / Palm Beach Post)

For 100 years, the South Florida Fair has been the premiere place to find produce, ride rides and get a bite to eat.

And for almost half of those 100 years, the McGehe family has been helping find the little fairgoers – and even some big ones – who get lost trying to find all that stuff.

In 1966, Darline and Bob McGehe helped man the fair’s first Lost Children service out of a tent with the West Palm Beach Men’s Club, and eventually took it over completely.

South Florida Fair coverage

Since then, at their permanent booth, the McGehes, their five children and now their grandchildren have helped reconnect the wandering with the rest of their midway-roaming party, as well as providing directions, diapers, batteries and other essentials to grateful visitors.

"We’ve never missed a year," says Darline McGehe, 75, of West Palm Beach, as kids Bobby McGehe and Gayle Cook Greer flanked her at different windows of their booth.

Bobby, 59, of West Palm Beach, helped a gentleman in a wheelchair, and Greer, 58, who lives in South Carolina now, but returns every January to help, assisted a father and his daughter, cutely strapped into a wagon, with a diaper purchase.

"I just like doing it. I’m a people-watcher – you can see a lot from these windows, and I like helping people," says Darline.

Bob, 79, who attended the opening day of this year’s centennial fair, has slowed down some because of his health and doesn’t come every day. But rest assured, if you turn around and can’t seem to find your family between rib stands, there’s a McGehe on duty at all times.

In the ’70s, up to 1,000 misplaced little ones would come through their booth, but an unfortunate South Florida event changed the way parents minded their kids in public.

"After Adam Walsh, people kept a closer watch on their children," says Darline, referring to the taking and eventual murder of the young son of John Walsh, who became a crime crusader after his child’s death.

The McGehes started selling safety straps – those leashlike harnesses seen on kids at the mall – to encourage that closer watch.

Now, "we get a couple of hundred, maybe, but we get even more (instances) of Mom looking for Dad," she says. "We do a bunch of announcements."

Modern technology also changed the way the booth operated, since most kids or at least their parents have cellphones. But even those innovations need a human helping hand sometimes. "We now get a lot of kids whose batteries have run down," she laughs. "The kids know their parents’ numbers and call them on our phone."

As long as there are families needing reuniting, the McGehes will reunite every year to make that happen.

"I love coming down to help out my mom," Greer says, "and I love helping lost children."

Franchesca Ramsey, known best for her YouTube video 'S*** White Girls Say ... to Black Girls', is also a writer, blogger and freelance graphic designer. (Left photo by Claire Buffie Photography)

UPDATE: Corrected the college Franchesca Ramsey attended to Miami International University of Art and Design

Hey folks! Ever been hanging out with a friend of a different ethnicity and:

• Asked to touch their hair making the same face you’d make if preparing to touch a porcupine?

• Prefaced anything you’re about to say with "Not to be racist, but ?"

• Described someone as "really cute for a black guy?"

If so, you might recognize yourself in the comic viral video, S— White Girls Say To Black Girls, made by a Dreyfoos School of the Arts graduate, that is one of the most popular videos on YouTube this month, getting more than 6.5 million hits and sparking both nationwide controversy and dialogue.

"What I tried to do was to talk about my personal experience and some of the things people have said to me," says Franchesca Ramsey, 28. "It’s important to relate, but you don’t want to do it the wrong way."

Ramsey, a writer, blogger and freelance graphic designer, lives in New York. She grew up in West Palm Beach and graduated from Dreyfoos in 2002.

Since 2009, when she left South Florida after graduating from Miami International University of Art and Design and working for the Miami Beach Chamber of Commerce, she’s been aiming toward a career in entertainment in New York City. She’s sang, done comedy, and won a YouTube talent search that got her a gig as a red carpet interviewer at the Emmy Awards.

And she’s made YouTube videos.

But nothing like the one she posted the first week of January. In that video, she’s sporting a blond wig while spouting cluelessly offensive quips to an unseen African-American friend ("Why isn’t there a White Entertainment Television?" … "Why is my computer acting so ghetto?").

Inspired by conversations with her white girlfriends, Ramsey’s initial motivation was to jump on the "S— (Fill In The Blank) Say" trend of currently popular videos and "get tons of views.

"Anytime something is really popular on YouTube, there’s always a parody. That’s sort of the blood of the community," says Ramsey.

But even she wasn’t ready for the reaction on this one. On Jan. 5, she posted on her blog at franchesca.net: "Over a million views in ONE DAY. Is this my life?"

Not long after, the media came calling. She was on Anderson Cooper’s syndicated morning show last week. She’s been featured on NPR, ABC, MSNBC and in The Huffington Post and London’s The Guardian newspaper.

And she found herself in the midst of a debate on cross-racial communications.

When it comes to what white girls say to her, Ramsey says that the majority of offensive comments are ironically made by well-meaning people who are actually trying to bridge cultural gaps or create a sense of comfort, but unknowingly widen those gaps.

The video has gotten both incredibly positive and hatefully negative feedback, she says. Much of the latter has labeled it, and her, racist, for supposedly stereotyping white women as ignorant.

Not true, she says. "The most positive are people who are Caucasian, who have seen themselves in it. You have to be a really mature person to admit that you’ve said things like that to your friends."

As for the negative, "That’s the nature of YouTube, where you can say things and not be held accountable. I’ve gotten death threats even, but it doesn’t faze me. … All I can say to the haters is to keep watching it, because my bank account is pretty happy," says Ramsey, who gets paid by page view.

She points out that those who think the video is a slap at white people should notice a subtle but obvious factor.

"It’s shot from the point of view of the black friend – they’re in friendly places, like sitting on a bench, or at the mall. It was important to do it that way, because it’s important if you’re someone’s friend to be sensitive to that friend’s feelings."

Megan Blanchette, a performer and friend from Dreyfoos who accompanied Ramsey to the Anderson Cooper show, recognizes herself a little bit in the video – apparently the Valley Girl-esque speech patterns were based on her, "although I wasn’t being quoted," she confirms, laughing.

Still, Blanchette says the video is a funny reminder "about insensitivity. I grew up a heavy girl, and people would say ‘You have such a pretty face,’ trying to mean it in a nice way. It’s like ‘So you’ve noticed.’ Again, the topic is insensitivity."

Ramsey says that she’s been thrilled that in all of the attention she’s gotten, she’s maintained the support of other proud Dreyfoos alumni, who’ve forwarded the video, spread the word about her appearances and raved about her on Internet message boards.

In the meantime, Ramsey says the video’s popularity has also paid off in career possibilities.

She’s met with an agent, spoken to representatives of several networks, is auditioning for a popular comedy show she won’t yet name, and is considering getting ready for TV’s pilot season, where hopeful actors audition hoping to find a spot on pilots about to be shot.

And, of course, she’s made a second S— White Girls Say video.

"I didn’t make (the original) video to look down on anyone," she says. "I wanted to make a funny video. Just think before you speak."

Massimo’s, 8794 Boynton Beach Blvd., Suite 108. (561) 740-4044 | Click here for directions, invite a friend

And it wasn't even his audition.

“Where were you when it all started?” a sober placard at  the beginning of “American Idol”‘s first episode of 2012 asked? Well, ten years ago, when the then-crazy sounding talent show started, I was in my living room in York, Pa., asking my roommate “Are you watching this?”

Yeah, she was, and 10 years later that crazy talent show has become one of the things people ask me the most about, besides whether I am Macy Gray. Which I still am not.

So now I sit in my living room in Lake Worth, 10 years older, and find that, just like in “Dazed and Confused,” I keep getting older and the contestants stay the same age. Actually, they seem like zygotes. Tiny singing showbiz zygotes. David Leathers, Jr., or as his friends call him “Mr. Steal Your Girl” (?), is the first one we see in Savannah. He’s wearing sunglasses and a tie, and his confidence, and boast to have won against last year’s winner Scotty McCreary in a previous competition, means he’s either the best thing ever or a sad singing shame.

And…he’s fabulous. Good for you, Zygote in a Tie.  In an unrelated note, Steven’s theme for today seems to be Cross Dressing Pimp. It’s an odd choice, but we salute you for your commitment. And I think I have that lipstick.

16-year-old Gabi Carrubbaof Connecticut tells us she’s been dancing since she was a year old in her diapers. Sometimes, that means you’re talented, and sometimes that might just mean that the diaper is about to do its job, you know? She gets some points for hugging Nigel “Dancey Pants” Lythgoe first, making Pimpster make that weird orgasmic duck face he does when he really loves something. She also makes short work of Maroon 5′s “Sunday Morning” and was born to be on a slow jam mix tape. Enya, Sarah Maclachlan and Dido, make her a pot of tea and welcome her to the mellow club.

A long string of talented tinies (Why are they all so young, except for one 28-year-old? Is no one over 20 allowed to have vocal chords anymore?) are seen, meaning that we’re being set up for something hideous. You know it. It’s going to. And you’re gonna want to vomit, or laugh and point and mock. Or perhaps all three.

And…it’s young, sad Jessica Whitely, who claims to sing at a lot of sporting events. Apparently at events that some benevolent cousin organizes and gives her spots in, because girl screams like she’s being strangled with a bullhorn. “You let my horrible cousin sing the anthem again, or I swear to God I’m not telling you where the fuse box is!” She claims to be dehydrated, but water would not make that better. She takes her rejection well, but says “I’ll see you in Texas,” leaving the judges to panic like “Wait, what did she say? Is she coming back? Can we move Texas, or perhaps tell her that the state is closed?”

She’s a clown. And she’s coming to your town. Y’all should move.

Seacrest look-alike Shawn Kraisman wears a coat and tie and looks like a member of a boy band made up of Secret Service agents. If he can’t hack it here, he should maybe start one. Man, they do look alike. This is disturbing. Make it stop. Sing or don’t kid, because I’m starting to believe that there WAS some sort of government conspiracy that took some of Seacrest’s DNA, kept it in a lab and…he’s doing the Chi-Lites. He’s not bad. But in that way that makes you sad because if he had some lessons or resolved a note once in a while, he could have been better. He doesn’t make it, and we’re spared from a whole season of “Mister Mister,” a reverse-race version of “Sister, Sister” about twins who sing and insist on hosting everything.

Shannon Magrane is the tall volleyball playing daughter 1987 World Series pitcher Joe Magrane. Dad’s still hot. Love when that happens. No, Steven did not just say to a huge baseball player that his 15-year-old girl is “hot, humid and happening.” When he’s dressed like, to paraphrase “The Boondocks,” A Pimp Named Talkback. Does he think before he speaks? Of course not, which is part of his weird little charm, I suppose. I imagine it gets him beat up alot. But he’s a charming little innappropriate man. And she’s got a great bluesy voice, which mean Big Daddy doesn’t have to beat Steven up. And the world is as it should be.

I love Savannah – somewhere, right now, Paula Deen is holding a stick of butter at The Lady and Sons and figuring out how to fry it in lard, put it on some greens and call it dinner. (And delicious.)

Clown Town reel. They’re not making me give them more attention than they’ve already gotten. Their parents have done enough.

Someone who could use some support of…somebody….anybody…is Amy Brumfield, who lives in a tent in the woods with her boyfriend because they can’t afford to live anywhere else. Wow, that’s sad. Her voice, however, give me chills. It’s a quiet, strong, soulful, unadorned instrument, and I want to cry. “The spirit of the children of the woods snuck into you,” Steven say encouragingly. Isn’t there a bad horror movie about that? Should we call a priest? Anyway, she’s in. Hope she does well.

Joshua  Chavis has left his nerves out in the lobby with his boyfriend, along with his common sense – he’s yelling and beating up walls and inciting that cat yowl sound they play. His voice is out there, too. Oh Lord. Was this ever funny, this delusional thing when the producers encourage untalented fools to come back three times or something just to be part of a gag reel where the gag is on them? He’s not even remarkably bad, just bad, and I get the weary feeling that they have to have bad singers so bad that no one in a chicken suit showed up the first day and they went “What do we have? Effeminate backwards baseball cap-wearing Southern kid who loves JLo? He’ll do. Until a chicken comes in.”

He’s not the worst singer, but he’s the worst loser, crying into the phone and cussing out the camera. That’s ugly, man. Don’t be ugly.

Carrie Underwood enthusiast Stephanie Renaeis wearing the world’s sparkliest pink shirt and is singing that horrible “Inside Your Heaven” song, one of the worst Idol songs ever recorded. And that’s before Kara showed up! It’s…OK. I hate those nasal baby teen pageant voices, because it’s like they’re not baked yet. Steven says yes, Randy says no, and Jennifer says yet. Meh. Randy thinks she needs lessons, and he’s right. Can we give her lessons before we have to see her again? Because that’s working my last nerve, and Joshua Chavis and his hissy fit are still on it. Someone’s gotta get off it, because otherwise my husband and cat are gonna have a bad spring.

Schyler Dixon, who auditioned with her brother Colton last year, has returned. He made it almost all the way but has decided not to do it this year and let his sister have the spotlight. And the stupid judges reward his chivalry by making her audition all about him. MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA! That was painful. You can almost smell the therapy. She has a beautiful voice, but then they encourage Colton, who has said he doesn’t want to do this, to sing (they didn’t have to push that hard, honestly.) I hope his sister is OK with this. He’s like One RepColton. She looks like she wants to throw darts at him. Her smile is heartbreaking…Oh Geezy is this really happening??? Are they actually giving him a better review at her audition? This is so innappropriate. They let them both through, and Schyler goes off to write a rock opera “Daggone Stupid Brother.”

That was NOT OK.

Shouldn’t someone be really bad about now?

Yes, there they are! But not on my blog! They’re all crying and I feel bad. But it doesn’t mean I want to know them.

Lauren Minkhas an awesome job with folks with intellectual disabilities. She’s 25, and as an old person I really hope she’s good, because the zygotes are winning. It shouldn’t be a competition…wait! It is! I kinda love her. She’s does “Country Strong” better than Gwyneth Paltrow, which only annoys me because it reminds me that “Country Strong,” the movie, exists, and I wish it didn’t. Randy is right that she has a Jennifer Nettles thing about her. Adorable.

We’re here on the second day of Atlanta, and it’s apparently wicked hot, which is just  the right temperature for some fried catfish with hot sauce. Don’t fight the heat. Embrace it and serve it with some hushpuppies, like my grandma would have.

Oh, now they’re making fun of Mawuena Kodjo, a sweet kid from Togo who has a thick accent and sings country. This is probably gonna be slightly xenophobic and suck. And it sure is!  Yuck. Again, it’s kinda evil that someone encouraged this nice-seeming kid, who appears to be so earnest, to come back eighty times to be made fun of. It’s awful. He’s so tone-deaf that tone deaf is filing a defamation law suit. Oh dear. I love that some people believe this is still the land of opportunity, even in this economy, but unles you daddy can buy you some AutoTune, it can’t give you a singing voice. Seacrest, who I no longer love, takes him out for further humiliation – I love the sweet older man in the trucker cap who helpfully says “Are you a runner?” as if to say “Sweet boy, is there anything else you can do?”

The folks on the sidewalk want him to go to Hollywood, probably because that means he won’t be there in Savannah singing at them. This was ugly, Idol. I don’t love you right now.

Ashlee Altise invented a move called the Joy Hop. This could go either way. This much confidence is usually rewarded with the Clown Reel. Step lightly, Confident One. Wait…she’s amazing, with a soulful “Come Together.” She’s got too much personality for this show. They’ll throw tacks in her way and stop her Joy Hop tires. It’s gonna happen.

And…more badness. Bye! Go home now. Learn a skill. Feed some orphans. Most importantly,  GO HOME.

W. H. Thompson, from Appomattox, is unemployed, having quit his job at the Federal prison to come on “Idol.” His wife is six months pregnant. If he’s not good, I’m gonna be very sad. He’s pretty good, if not completely faithful to a key. Steven thinks he isn’t ready, JLo likes him and Randy…please don’t do this to me on the first day, Jackson. He gets through! Yay! My husband and cat survive another night without having tea thrown at them.

There’s a “Young girls love Steven Tyler” reel and it’s skeeving me out because…STOP. Lawsuits are standing by. Erica Nowak, who says he’s her future ex-husband, gives him a butt squeeze. She has one of those shouty voices that might be mistaken for a singing voice but actually isn’t. It’s not singing. It’s pretending. Like pretending that 16-year-olds think Steven Tyler is hot.

Next up to be ogled is NBA dancer and Blake Lively/Carrie Underwood hybrid Brittany Kerr. She’s got a solid Joss Stone voice, but doesn’t blow me away. She needs more emphasis. To his credit, Tyler refuses to take the gross flirty bait from JLo, and gives her the nod without touching her. JLo wasn’t feeling her, which makes me think they decided when they saw this tall pretty girl that someone had to say no to give drama, or that JLo doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Either are possible.

Let’s round it out with pawn shop scion Phillip Phillips, whose parents must hate him for giving him that name. Wait, that’s his dad’s name too, and apparently he was like “I’m not gonna be alone in this forever. Welcome to your name, boy. Get used to the confused looks now.”

He wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t fill every space with some weird drunk scat. Wait…it got better. Take a breath and slow down. My cat is singing back to him, and that makes me love him. Now, he’s doing acoustic bluesy “Thriller” and I want to adopt him and give him a better name. Please love him, judges, because my cat likes him, and like it or not, she’s stuck in this thing, too, because she can’t afford her own place and she doesn’t have a tent.

And…he’s in. Love it. I haven’t hated life yet! Must be better talent, better editing, or my fast foward button. But my spirit has all year to be broken. You know it’s gonna happen.

Healthy food can be found at the fair, such as rotisserie chicken and smoothies. (Photos by J. Gwendolynne Berry)

"So," a co-worker asked, "you’re headed to the South Florida Fair? Getting one of those doughnut burgers?"

"Well actually," I said, "I’m doing a story on trying to eat healthy there."

And then I braced for the hysterical laughter.

It’s an open secret that as many people look forward each year to eating their way through the deep-fried gantlet on the midway as come to ride the Ferris wheel or even see the racing pigs. (Note to cute farm animals – consume those carbs and learn to run, or you might end up on a doughnut.)

If you usually eat sensibly, it’s not going to kill you to sample the latest batter-slathered culinary craze, which is always something like Twinkies fried inside of a Ho-Ho stuffed inside of a rib. But it’s January, just weeks into my New Year’s Resolution to eat better, and I have absolutely no leeway to play in the funnel cake.

But I was a Girl Scout, and I was prepared to find healthy treats, or at least treats that weren’t going to kill me, at the fair. The parameters are that I was looking for the least unhealthy fare, rather than straight-up health food, because no one goes to the fair for organic tofu burgers. How hard could it be? Shockingly, not as hard as I thought.

I had luck not five minutes after I got there, at one of the several stands that sell corn on a stick. Most of the time, they come slathered in butter, but I had mine without, and still delicious. It’s also crunchy and comes on a stick, so you aren’t deprived of the standard fair joys of handheld vittles.

Just around the corner from the corn I found another fairly healthy treat on a stick – marinated shish-ka-bob, available in various places in lamb and beef, and roasted on a spit. The same stands sell gyros (about 500 calories), which do come on a white pita, making it not as healthy as a whole wheat one, but it’s the fair, and it’s sold near deep fried Kool-Aid, so it’s a winner, with or without the tzatziki cucumber yogurt dressing.

(Note: I don’t eat red meat or poultry, meaning that for me to eat a full meal at the fair, I’d have to choose between eating healthy, which includes those things, or eating vegetarian, which technically includes fried vegetables. And funnel cake.)

One of the most popular fair food items, which also sells gangbusters at your renaissance faire, is the giant turkey leg. According to Dave Higman of Little Richard’s, theirs are smoked, with the only oils being the natural ones in the turkey. They also sell rotissierre chicken, and roasted pit beef sandwiches, which I suppose could be eaten without the bun, although they wouldn’t be a sandwich and you’d look crazy eating meat with your bare hands. Or not.

With all of these exotic offerings, my favorite midway morsel was something familiar – a fruit smoothie made with strawberries, bananas, ice, "and just a little sugar," reports Walter Smith of West Palm Beach, who sells them. "People ask about them all day long, wanting to know what’s in them, if there’s dairy in them. They seem to be really concerned."

So I’m not the only one! It’s shocking knowing that in a place where you can buy deep-fried Kool-Aid (don’t ask), you can fill up without filling out.

Figs' sangria is a cool concoction of cranberry and citrus with Petite Syrah. (Gary Coronado / Palm Beach Post)

The bar: Figs by Todd English

The vibe: Ducking through the shiny racks and displays of the bright Macy’s store at The Gardens Mall and finding a sophisticatedly low-lit, low-key, neutrally colored restaurant is like opening a wardrobe and finding a culinary Narnia. It packs a lot of class into a small space, with a cozy bar in the center, as well as the Farm Table, a large space meant for communal dining and drinking.

The drink: Figs usually boasts a strong wine list, but for season, it’s featuring Figs Sangria ($7), a cool concoction of cranberry and citrus flavor with Petite Syrah. It’s just the perfect drink to sip slowly and consider your next shoe purchase.

Other noteworthy libations: That aforementioned wine list offers an impressive number of wines by the glass, starting at $6, as well as three choices of the sparkling bubbly stuff. (In case you’re toasting that last shoe purchase.)

Bar bites: The premiere appetizer is the asparagus frites ($8), which are healthy rods of asparagus lightly battered and served with a honey mustard aioli and arugula, if you require green things with your fried treats. Also try the eggplant stack ($7.50), served with mozzarella and tomato.

Deals: Figs offers its Great Gatherings, featuring one appetizer, two entrees (excluding the New York Strip) and one dessert, for $29, at the bar and the Farm Table.

Info: Figs by Todd English, outside of the Macy’s store at the Gardens Mall; (561) 775 -2384. | Directions, invite a friend

Figs’ Sangria

2 ounces Parducci Petite Syrah

2 ounces cranberry juice

Juice of 1/2 lime

Juice of 1/2 orange

1 tablespoon simple syrup

Splash Sprite

Stir together all ingredients. Serve chilled.

Are you ready for some "Idol?"

So as Cowell’s old show returns to FOX for its season opener, one wonders (well, at least this one does) whether it can keep its own ratings excitement going this year, without some new twists. (I would like to propose Exile Island, where they exile JLo and keep her there until she can stop self-promoting and give a daggone straight criticism after Hollywood Week.) But as far as I know, it’s status quo, with the same judges, same host and same Clown Town auditions – for you newbies to my “Idol” blogs, that’s my name for the early city auditions when idiots show up dressed as kung fu chickens or what have you. I find it awful filler, and I don’t love watching delusional idiots with over-indulgent parents losing their crap on TV. I can see that in the food court in the Boca Mall.

Also, I wonder what the fact of “The Voice” will do to “Idol” – I love the former show because they’ve already narrowed the field to the people who can legitimately sing and those who sing even better. We don’t have to deal with the idiots. I know some people like that because it works for “Idol.” But “The Voice” and its success has shown that some also like just focusing on the excitement of weeding the most talented from the talent pool.

So … what do you guys think? You watching it this year?

Part of Mike Saucier's schedule when visiting the South Florida Fair is picking up his orthotics. (Thomas Cordy / Palm Beach Post)

For about two decades, Mike Saucier has had pretty much the same schedule for hitting the South Florida Fair — go check out a ride, maybe the Ferris wheel. Check out the sand art. Get fitted for orthotics.

Custom foot supports might not seem like the most magical reason to visit the fair, but Saucier says that makes the experience and all the walking a lot more fun.

“They’re amazing!” he says. “I have heel spurs that developed about 20 years ago, and the doctor quoted me some price I couldn’t afford. But I saw that there was an orthotics company that came to the fair, and I decided to get a pair to see if they actually worked.”

Saucier’s story draws attention to all of the seemingly incongruous but now-expected vendors who come to the fair each year, and the people who look forward to getting their shopping on. You’ll find low-fat cookware, siding, cutlery and more. But his love of fairs predate his foot issues.

Fair schedules, facts | Photos from the fair

The Rhode Island native says that he “didn’t have these kinds of fairs up there. There were amusement parks that we went to, but nothing like this. And I wanted to go to a fair.”

Once he moved to South Florida, Saucier made up for lost time. And that special trip to the orthotics guy is an integral part of being able to enjoy the fair for longer, he says.

“They even remember me there now!” Saucier says.

'Contestants' scamper down the track at the Robinson's Racing Pigs show at the South Florida Fair. (Allen Eyestone / Palm Beach Post)

This time last year, at the opening of the South Florida Fair, 4-year-old Sue-Anne Wood ("I’m 5 now!") was joyfully anticipating her favorite annual exhibition – the racing pigs.

"She talked about it – ‘The pig races! The pig races!’ " recalled her mother, Jennifer Wood.

So imagine the look on Sue-Anne’s sweet face when she got to the fair and learned the shocking truth. There was no joy in Fairville, because the racing pigs were out.

"Oh, she cried," said Wood, of Palm Springs. "She was very, very disappointed."

Clik/Hear: 100th anniversary of the fair PHOTOS | Fair schedules, facts, more

Last year, fair directors unwittingly created a swine-based scandal when, in the spirit of trying something new, they substituted the Extreme Canines Stunt Dog Show for Rosaire’s Racing Pigs. But after a resounding vote of disapproval from fans, the bolting bacon are back at the fair, whose three-week run began Friday.

"So glad you’re back!" a giddy race fan yelled to Sharon Ross, who runs Robinson’s Racing Pigs, "the originators of the racing pigs" and this year’s spotlight sows.

The Fort White-based Rosses say their company started the concept and began appearing at the South Florida Fair in the 1980s.

A new attraction this year is the 'Paddling Porkers'. (Allen Eyestone / Palm Beach Post)

"People think that pigs are fat, lazy animals, but when they see a pig race, they just cannot believe what they’re seeing," Ross said. And local fans who’d endured a sooie-less season are thrilled with this one.

"Last year I was like, ‘Where are the pig races?’ I was so upset," said Tammie Olbeter of The Acerage, crowded into the stands Friday for the pigs’ first show of the fair. "They had a dog thing, and I like dogs, but it’s not the same. They’re just a silly little crazy race. I like the music they play and the names they give them. It’s very entertaining."

The monikers given to the hammy hoofers are half the fun, the other half being watching tiny, cute pigs run around a track for an Oreo cookie. This year’s contenders include Britney Spareribs, Jerry Swinefeld and Snoop Hoggy Hog. This year’s show also introduces audiences to the Paddling Porkers, an act the Rosses created in 2000, where pigs like Belly Flop and Spamu swim across a 24-foot tank.

"I like the ones that were swimming!" beamed Sue-Anne Wood .

Just remember, South Florida Fair: Lose the pigs, make little girls cry.

Kate Shindle, Miss America 1998, stars in 'Cabaret' (right, with Christopher Sloan) at the Maltz Jupiter Theatre. (Shindle photo by Richard Graulich / Palm Beach Post; 'Cabaret' picture by Alicia Donelan)

That waving, smiling, tiara-laden walk of victory taken each year by the new Miss America has led to many places – anchor desks, Gotham City, even a gig as a "Desperate Housewife."

But right now, that walk has landed Kate Shindle alone and bleak at the edge of a stage in a slip, her eyes blackened with smudged makeup and desperation, singing an ominous song.

And it’s exactly where she wants to be.

"People have the misconception that (a pageant queen) must not be very smart, who just wants to be famous and get married, who is content with having peaked at 22," says Shindle, Miss America 1998, who for the next two weeks stars as deluded songstress Sally Bowles in the Maltz Jupiter Theatre production of Cabaret.

Directions, nearby dining | Review: Life is a ‘Cabaret’ at Maltz

The South Jersey native, 34, calls herself an unlikely beauty queen, having been a self-described awkward theater kid, but is proud of having used her time in the sash as a social platform.

And she wants to challenge the notion of the women in that system as just vapid, pretty girls who blather on about world peace.

"When you’re done, it’s hard to do something that’s bigger. But it just made me think ‘I gotta get to it,’ " says Shindle.

This isn’t her first Cabaret. She appeared in director Sam Mendes’ celebrated London revival of Kander and Ebb’s famous portrait of pre-WWII Berlin and the dying embers of its supposedly free-wheeling society as Nazism took hold.

She has also appeared on Broadway in Jekyll and Hyde, in the movies The Stepford Wives and Capote, and as a correspondent on NBC’s Today show.

The most famous Sally Bowles is Liza Minnelli, of course, who won an Oscar in the film version of Cabaret. Shindle says that she found the best thing was to discover her own path to Bowles, an English cabaret performer past her prime and clinging to hedonism so she doesn’t have to face reality.

"I first did the show when I was 23 and thought I knew everything, and now I know that I do not," she says. "It’s an incredibly challenging role. For me the trickiest part is understanding that the show was built around the fact that Sally doesn’t have to be a tremendous performer. You can do that either by singing badly, which is stupid, or by saying ‘If she was really talented, why is she still here (at this crumbling club)?’ "

Grew up around pageant

The gracious Shindle is still surprised that she became Miss America, but admits she’d been fascinated with the pageant as part of growing up in the shadow of Atlantic City, Miss America’s former home.

Each year, "everybody converged to pull off the pageant. My dad did security and my mom was a hostess. She guarded the bathroom where Miss America was doing her makeup. I grew up looking at these women as ideals."

But still, it wasn’t something she considered for herself initially. Unlike many of the women who’ve worn the crown, she didn’t start in the pageant system. "Postcards used to come in the mail (advertising pageants) and I’d say to my mom ‘Do you think I could do this?’ and she’d say ‘No. Now read a book.’ "

So her first stage experiences were theatrical – Shindle went to a Catholic school where her performance and violin skills landed her a plum role as the titular fiddler in its production of Fiddler On The Roof. ("Nothing better than Fiddler performed by a bunch of Catholic kids.")

She also did extemporaneous speaking as part of forensics competitions, a skill that would come in handy both in theater and as Miss America, although "I was terrible at it."

Shindle admits that to this day, she’s not sure why she entered the pageant – "Maybe it was not being popular in high school and having something to prove" – but all the same she entered and won Miss Illinois as a student at Chicago’s Northwestern University.

The pageant allowed her to perform – she sang “Don’t Rain On My Parade” as her talent – but found that the crown gained her entree into places where her message needed to go, but might not have been welcome otherwise.

"It’s an unparalleled platform. AIDS activists fight to get into these communities that they couldn’t get into. But I could. (In some towns) the principals would say ‘Well, our kids don’t really do those things, so you can’t say ‘needle’ or ‘condom’ or ‘gay.’ But once we got to the Q&As and the kids could ask questions, they opened up," she says.

Shindle returned to Northwestern to finish her degree after her year as Miss America, and then moved to New York to audition. "Out of boredom more than anything else (and) being tired of being behind a podium in a suit," she got a job at a deli that lasted for about six weeks "until the press found out" when she mentioned her new profession to a local newspaper.

"I thought ‘Who reads the Courier Post (in New Jersey)," she says. "Turns out, the AP does!"

Fortunately, there was a theater career waiting for her when she put her apron down. She’s particularly proud of her association with Cabaret, a show "which hasn’t dated at all, even though it’s been 15 years since the revival opened, and it’s every bit as relevant and interesting as it was then," she says of its themes of anti-Semitism, sexuality, politics and the danger of societies that choose to ignore the very real threats that loom over them.

Although she maintains that she’s not a typical pageant queen, Shindle says she’s incredibly proud of her Miss America experience, even though it hasn’t always been to her advantage – "I’ve done auditions when everything is going well, and when it was time to walk out of the room, they look at my résumé and say ‘Oh. I see you were Miss America.’ "

But, she reminds people, it sent her more often to auditoriums and to Capitol Hill to talk about AIDS than it did to autograph signings.

"Nobody cares about somebody who’s just famous for being pretty," she says. "I wanted to dedicate myself to something that was much bigger than (promoting) myself. I didn’t realize when I was 20 all the details of the mantle I was taking on, and the great history of it."