
Guilty? The law says yes. But her hair looked fabulous.
I love “Snapped,” or as I sometimes called it, “Crazy Beyotches,” Oxygen’s pulpy documentary series about women who snap (get it?) and kill or attempt to kill somebody. It’s usually short, full of punchy interviews, great editing and twists and turns that make you go “What? Did that really happen?” I love it so much that in my occasional stand-up act I joke that it makes my husband a little nervous. (“He says ‘Gee, honey, I hope we never wind up on that show’ and I say ‘We would never be on that show….They would never trace it back to me…More peas? No?’”)
So I was extra-excited for Sunday night’s premiere of one of the most mind-blowing homegrown murder-for-hire plots I’ve heard of – the Dalia Dippolito case. You remember – the gym bunny convicted of hiring someone to kill her hapless husband, caught giving the performance of all performances on a police tape pretending to be distraught when notified of his “death.” Because he wasn’t dead. Whoops.
The episode is not only interesting because of the weird details, like the tape of her convincing her would-be accomplice to smile while she’s making “sure, sure” that he can get a gun, or because it’s local. It provides the inspired commentary of not one but two of my former Palm Beach Post colleagues, court reporter extraordinaire Susan Spencer-Wendel and police reporter turned Boynton Beach Police public information officer Stephanie Slater. Susan, you might know, has resigned to deal with the effects of Lou Gehrig’s Disease, while Stephanie’s been working with the police for a while.
Fun fact: “Working with the police” is my family’s metaphor for being detained by the authorities for an extended period on an involuntary basis…as in the hoosgow. Which is where Dalia, she of the pouty lips and awesome “I’m a widdle lamb” innocent eyes, will be headed if her appeal of her conviction doesn’t pan out (she’s currently on house arrest). I had followed the case, perhaps like all of you, but there were some tidbits that were delicious:
- The tape of Dalia’s reaction to her husband’s “death,” where she quite clearly asks several times to see the body. Police take this as evidence that she wants confirmation that her deal, and subsequent inheritance from her hubby, has come through. Of course, she could have just been in shock but…the tape of her setting things up with an undercover cop posing as a hitman says “Liar, liar, surgically enhanced boobs on fire.”
- The unexpectedly hilarious tape of post-arrest Dalia, who, as Susan says, is completely delusional in her denial of the plot, even as police explain she’s been recorded planning it. In a shocking twist that tells me that someone at Boynton Beach Police has watched a lot of “Perry Mason,” we see her lay eyes on Michael, who she’s been told was dead. She keeps saying “Come here! Come here!,” to which he responds something like “Sister, please.” It reminded me of those Scooby Doo cartoons when Scoobs and the gang are fleeing from the villain of the week, who holds out a spindly evil arm and says “Come back here!” Yeah Evil Guy, and wife who’ve I just seen on tape plotting to kill me. That’s gonna happen.
- The fact that Mike Dippiito agreed to be on the show, despite his admittedly shady past and apparently poor character judgement. He’s kinda funny. I feel bad for him that his wife tried to kill him. But weirdly he seems to be taking it in stride.
Did you see it? What did you think? And if your spouse was caught on tape planning your death, would you be in a documentary about it?