Here we go again....

My relationship with “Big Brother” is like one with an inappropriate boyfriend that all your friends hated – for good reason – and that you keep getting back together with every summer even though the whole experience makes you feel kinda dirty and you’re relived when it’s over. But not so relived that you don’t kinda miss him and take his phone call, even though your friends are standing next to you hissing “No, girl! Say you’re not home!!! TELL HIM YOU DIED!”

My dirty TV boyfriend not only returned last night, but with three of its most notable pairs there to mess with the heads of the newbies. And in two of those cases, notable means “Oh, dear Lord.” We’ve got Brenchel, or newly engaged annoying couple Brendon and Rachel; cutely scrubbed Jeff and Jordin, and something called Evel Dick and his daughter Danielle. I have heard of Evel Dick, and his evelness (but not his Knievel-ness, because he’s not that cool.) But he was on during one of those seasons where I was serious about breaking up with “Big Brother” and would hear snatches of conversation about it and go “So glad I’m better than THAT!”

And now I’m back. So who’s the sucker? That would be me. I’m not even fighting it.

The big twist, besides the showmancers and the allegedly estranged father and daughter, is that everyone is playing as a team, meaning that you’re nominated for eviction as a team, too. But if you survive eviction, you get an advantage of a Golden Key (lame name) that ensures you a forward pass to the Top Ten, and past all the dumb challenges during those weeks. So when you’re targeting someone you really hate for eviction, you have to consider whether you want to give their partner a free pass.

The returning pairs are competing against:

Lawon and Kalia: He’s a dandy dresser with color-coordinated neck wear and a flamboyant neighbor vibe fresh from a Tyler Perry movie, and she’s a really annoying writer of sex and relationships who thinks she’s Carrie Bradshaw. Oh, shut up.

Adam, a self-professed metal head who also loves “Beverly Hills 90210,” appletinis, spa treatments and saying everything like he’s auditioning for a “Headbanger’s Ball” reunion, and Dominic, a cute, virginal mama’s boy who lives at home and is looking for some older woman who might want to take care of him and do his laundry. See him ladies? He’s a catch!

Porche (!), a SoBe cocktail waitress who may or may not be from Delray Beach (call me if you know her) and Keith, a girl-crazy pastor. Both are lying about their real professions. Both are less smooth than they think. A match made in wherever Evel Dick is from.

Cassi, a model from Texas, and Shelly, who is in the outdoor industry and might be the older lady Dominic targets to do his laundry. I don’t see it happening.

So much time is spent introducing everyone and blowing everyone’s mind with the All-Stars or whatever we’re calling them, that the challenge was an afterthought. Of course, it was stupid – they were all clinging to giant dangling bananas while getting chocolate thrown at them – which means Rachel won it because she’s good at stupid things, like this show. This means that she’s Head of Household, so we have to put up with that braying Brillo pad to the ears laugh for another week. And if anyone evicts her, we’re stuck with Brendon for a while. He’s mostly non-offensive, except that he’s attached to her.

I dunno – I’m sorta intrigued. I still feel like a dirty sucker. But intrigued. You watching?

A South Africa-based satellite channel says it will immediately evict a participant from its “Big Brother” reality show after he hit a female housemate.

M-Net spokeswoman Lani Lombard says Hannington Kuteesa breached the show’s rules by assaulting contestant Lerato Sengadi on Tuesday. Rights groups have called for his dismissal over the assault.

The show confines 14 people to a camera-rigged house in Johannesburg for 91 days. Viewers vote to evict contestants one by one.

British and U.S. versions of the reality show launched imitations worldwide, and some participants have become celebrities.

Lombard says Kuteesa will be offered support and treatment after he leaves. She says Sengadi will remain but she will be admonished for participating in the scuffle.

The Animal scored the home run on “Big Brother 12.”

Hayden Moss won the $500,000 grand prize on the voyeuristic CBS reality TV competition’s season finale Wednesday. He is shaggy-haired 24-year-old college student and former baseball player from Tempe, Ariz., who was dubbed “The Animal” by his secret four-man alliance.

Moss bested 24-year-old oil rig salesman Lane “The Beast” Elenburg from Decatur, Texas.

Moss, who progressed through the competition staying loyal to The Brigade alliance, dominated the 12th edition by both winning several competitions and forming bonds with the other houseguests. Read the full story

As it heads toward the conclusion of its 12th season, the CBS game “Big Brother” is having a strong summer in the ratings.

The Nielsen Co. said Tuesday that the show is averaging 7.6 million viewers for its three weekly episodes. That’s up 6 percent from last year. Among people 34 and younger, ratings are up 10 percent.

Executive producer Allison Grodner says one of the reasons the show is doing well is because of a likeable cast. That’s a lesson the production staff learned last year — that it’s possible to have villains that people don’t necessarily hate.

The show is working toward its season finale on Sept. 15.

After winning Head of Household, Matt confers with other paint-covered members of The Brigade and Brendon (right), who knew he and Rachel would be nominated for eviction when he lost the competition. (Photo courtesy of CBS Entertainment)

Rachel’s gone, and the reign of the boringest alliance in ‘Big Brother’ history continues.

Matt, after winning Head of Household for the second time and wanting to assure that this time one of the pair would leave, nominated both Rachel and Brendon for eviction on Sunday’s episode.

Britney’s win at the Power of Veto competition (hosted by Season 11 favorites Jeff and Jordan, in an obvious effort to generate interest in this lackluster season) and choice not to use it assured that, of the two nominees, Rachel would be evicted.

For the Brigade (Matt, Enzo, Lane and Hayden), Rachel (who won two Head of Household competitions and demonstrated surprising acumen at manipulating other house guests — besides Brendon), was a serious obstacle in their stroll to the final four.

For everyone else (Kathy, Britney and Ragan), Rachel’s explicit efforts to evict floaters impaired their, likely unsuccessful (especially now, with The Brigade in control of the majority of votes), strategies to fly under the radar all the way to the finals.

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Rachel and Kristen get into a mildly interesting tiff on 'Big Brother'. With Kristen out, even little skirmishes are barely possible.

For reasons I do not fully understand (primarily that I volunteered to write weekly updates of my former favorite summertime reality television show), I am watching Big Brother despite its tedium and Matt’s continued presence in the house.

Since I last wrote: Andrew was evicted, Rachel won Head of Household and nominated Hayden and Kristen for eviction, Britney won Power of Veto and decided not to use it and Kristen was evicted almost unanimously by the (still secret) Brigade and house guests too scared to vote against the majority.

Kathy has consistently been the minority vote, and that has earned her my admiration.

I have always liked Britney. But my esteem grows as she continues to ridicule everyone (to their faces and in the privacy of the diary room) yet remains in the house through a combination of desperate — but convincingly sincere — flattery, shrewd game play and luck in competitions. Despite discovering Britney in the Head of Household room wearing her red extensions and mocking the way she speaks, Rachel said she wants to form an alliance with Britney.
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Matt -- the kind of guy who'd suddenly change up the 'Free Parking' rule in Monopoly to win.

After Matt won Head of Household, he received a letter from his wife in which she discussed her illness. This convinced the other house guests, even the skeptical doctor Andrew, that Matt truly wanted to win Big Brother to pay for cancer treatment.

That was it.

I realized why I find Big Brother 12’s Matt so offensive, and perhaps why I cannot watch the show until he is evicted.
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Monet's exit unfortunately makes 'Big Brother' a little too predictable. (CBS)

While I will continue watching to see how CBS will salvage this season after the early eviction of The Saboteur, “Big Brother” is predictable and boring.

Matt, the self-proclaimed brains of The Brigade, stayed. Monet was evicted.

As far as the game: I don’t want to admit it, but Rachel was right to nominate Matt as a pawn. And the house guests were right to go along with it and evict Monet.
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Bye-bye-bah-bye... Annie is on the outside looking in. (CBS)

My Presbyterian grandmother in Nebraska has achieved greater sabotages than Annie, The Saboteur and first person evicted, during her stint in the Big Brother house.

Granted, like all good sabotages, those achieved by my grandmother are deft manipulations of regular situations rather than overt attempts to engineer exceptional ones. Annie said as much. She “tried to play twice the game in half the time.”

Annie was correct. Intelligence and zeal lead to eviction.
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Britney (top) competes in the show

Big Brother 12 began Thursday with introductions of each of this summer’s 13 house guests. One of these house guests is “the saboteur,” someone who must only make it through five weeks undetected to claim his — or her (thank you, host Julie Chen, for clarifying) — prize.

Now, rather than simply the unholy spawn of Survivor, The Real World and Wipeout, Big Brother 12 incorporates elements of The Mole.

But I doubt this will add a level of intrigue to a show that barely manages to contain what it already has: If “the saboteur” is to be a self-serving house guest who allies with one group but serves another on his – or her—way to becoming the winner, there are 12 others who will to do that without a $50,000 pay-off.

This was immediately evident when the house guests introduced themselves.
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