Tommy and Kelly's relationship continues on 'Rescue Me.'

Like a swift kick to the gut, the season finale of one of the best shows on television took our breath away.

The impeccable fifth season of “Rescue Me” came to close in stunning, jarring fashion with Uncle Teddy shooting Tommy in the shoulder and leaving him to bleed to death on the floor of the bar. This while Tommy’s friends and family can do nothing but sit and watch.

“Drink” opens with Tommy and Mick meeting Teddy as he comes out of an AA meeting, apologizing for their roles in the death of Teddy’s wife, Ellie. Read the full story

Franco faces one of his toughest opponents.

Death was all around in the season’s next-to-last episode of “Rescue Me.”

We had the death of the jumper, who either fell backwards on purpose, or on accident while trying to put on the coat brought to him by Black Shawn.

This loss resulted in a shaken Shawn being told by Tommy to not be like him and to go tell Colleen how much he loves her. What follows is one of the most awkward hugs seen on cable TV, a bond only broken when Tommy claims to see another jumper on the bridge. Read the full story

Tommy and Kelly get up close and personal.

One chains him up and threatens him with a lighter.

The second makes him so mad that cops are called to remove him from a restaurant.

The third summons him to her loft, flirts with him, and then summarily dismisses him.

With Tommy Gavin trying to decide between Psycho Sheila, Joyless Janet and Crazy Kelly, might I suggest a fourth choice – a Tibetan monastery.

It may be a boring alternative, but it’s a much safer route for our favorite indecisive lothario.

“Zippo” opens with a humorous shopping expedition with chef Lou looking for dinner ingredients for Mexican Night prior to a “Real Housewifes of New York City” Marathon.

The crew is sidetracked by a thief who nimbly outmaneuvers the FDNY by leaps and bounds before finally being apprehended with concealed steaks and avocados.

After Sheila learns that Tommy is planning a romantic trip to the Berkshires with Janet, she summons him to her home to hang her TV. Sheila interrupts the job by chaining Tommy to her bed and torturing him with the lighter that her late husband got from his former mistress.

Repulsed and thrilled at the same time by the “sweet, electrical charge” Sheila provides, Tommy is visited by Jimmy, who tells him he didn’t sleep with Janet. He also tells Tommy he should choose Sheila because they are going to one day kill each other anyway, so he may as well “go out in a blaze of glory.”  

At the bar, Derek has “pangs of guilt” regarding the drunken debauchery of Teddy, Mickey and Ellie. To shut him up, Tommy promises him a $1.50 an hour pay bump.

Tommy then has to deal with the guilt trip thrown at him by Maggie. It’s nice to see someone stayed upright on the wagon and it remains amusing to watch Tatum O’Neal – someone who has known the lows of drug and alcohol addiction (not to mention that marriage to John McEnroe) – telling others to clean up their acts.

At dinner with Janet, Tommy cuts to the chase and asks if she slept with Jimmy Keefe. While the Ice Princess dodges the question, Tommy seethes, going so far to throw an ashtray through a glass door and (gasp) smoke in the restaurant. Just before the cops arrive, Janet “confesses” to having had an affair with Jimmy before she and Tommy were married.

As much as I would like to believe her “confession,” I’m not buying it. Janet is, obviously, the most sane of  Tommy’s Trio, but she’s the most deceitful by far.

Plus, while Tommy compares himself to Michael Corleone, she calls him Fredo.

And that’s just plain rude.

After his abbreviated dinner date, Tommy, because he’s a guy, calls up Kelly. At her apartment, she asks him about his life and he tells her all about Janet, Sheila and Connor.

“Man, I thought I was a mess!” Kelly says and admits she’s intrigued, partly because she’s a drama queen and so is he.

Chained up. Called Fredo. Called a drama queen. For Tommy, there really is only one choice left: Book that flight to Tibet.

So what did you think of the episode? Do you think Janet is telling the truth? What do you think Kelly is hiding in her mysterious silver case? Other than that giant bong, of course

Chief Needles is stuck between Tommy and Lou.

Twenty years ago, I stood up with a high school buddy of mine who was getting married.

We all knew it wouldn’t work.

We all knew it wouldn’t last.

We all knew it was a disaster just waiting to happen.

But there was nothing we could do about it, although the best man gave it a shot the night before the ceremony, just after the wedding rehearsal.

(Editor’s note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

“You know, Larry,” Paul told the groom, with his hands on his shoulders. “It’s not too late. I have a full tank of gas. We can go right now.” Read the full story

Janet finally gives Tommy an ultimatum.

Opie never had such a difficult decision to make.

In Mayberry, life is pretty simple. If you needed advice, you go and ask Pa. If Pa isn’t around, you go and ask Barney, and do the exact opposite of whatever he says. If either of them aren’t around, you’re pretty much out of luck, because you don’t want to go to that creepy, heavy-breathing Floyd the Barber for any advice.

Of course, none of them would be of much help to Tommy (AKA Opie) as he tries to decide between wife Janet and mistress Sheila. Read the full story

Mike and his band, Apache Stone, perform at his bar.

It was the showdown of all showdowns.

Chamberlain vs. Russell? Not even close.

Magic vs. Bird? Come on, they did Mickey D commercials together …

Hayes vs. Schembechler? Woody and Bo’s relationship was a lovefest in comparison.

Clemens vs. Piazza? OK, this is getting closer, with shards of bats being thrown around, but when it comes to pure, unadulterated hatred, we finally got the mano a mano meeting we all had been waiting for.

After weeks of buildup, Gavin vs. Keefe did not disappoint. Read the full story

Tommy's friends confront him about his drinking.

A&E’s ‘Intervention’ is painful to watch, documenting ordinary people struggling with their addictions and the family members and friends who are torn apart. Most times, the show ends with lives being turned around.

The majority of these successful interventions have family and friends expressing their love in the safe, controlled setting of a hotel conference room. That is where the intervention of Tommy Gavin on “Rescue Me” went horribly awry, proving, without a doubt, that staging an intervention in a bar may not be the best of ideas.

Instead of his family and friends pouring their hearts out to Tommy, he ends up pouring them drinks.

“Clean” opens with Sheila cooking breakfast for Tommy. In the midst of chopping up green and red chiles for her lover’s furtada, she has a mini-meltdown regarding the chest size of a Canadian woman who attended a long-ago party with Tommy and Sheila. With Sheila in her room, Tommy is visited by the ghost of his cousin Jimmy, who gives Tommy advice on how to handle his unstable former wife. Sheila returns to the kitchen and sheepishly admits that she forgot to take her meds and proceeds to explain all the pills she takes, including xanax and adavan and another pill that keeps her terror sweats in check. Read the full story

Tommy wants a little affection, something his wife, Janet, isn't prepared to give him.

 Tommy Gavin just wants a little affection.

Most guys would be envious of the “Rescue Me” firefighter, who’s juggling two beautiful women – his wife and the widow of his late cousin.

His women give him attention. His women let him drink. His women jump into bed with him at the drop of a hat.

But affectionate? Not so much.

He wants a hug-hug from either of his women. Heck, he’d take just a hug, but even that isn’t happening. Simply put, he’s the loneliest philanderer in America.

Read the full story

Tommy tries to bond with kids afflicted with cancer.

Thank goodness for the cancer kids.

With “Rescue Me” having been even darker than usual of late – especially with last week’s hard-to-watch episode featuring Tommy’s self-mutilation – this week’s episode was a welcome departure, featuring boxing rings, mashed potato-covered engagement rings and cancer kids running rings around the members of Ladder 62. Read the full story

The newest episode of “Rescue Me” opens with Sean Garrity still in the hospital, recovering from kidney surgery. As he did with last week’s amusing vegetable number, Sean continues to dream in musicals. This time, he sings  to a beautiful woman who, quite literally, takes his breath away.

“You take my breath away, leaving me winded, gasping for air. Well, the newness of you has me clearly completely ecstatic, speaking respiratorially, I’m asthmatic, for you.”

“Take your place at my side and together our future we’ll tailor, just as long as we keep close at hand an inhaler.”

Read the full story