SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

If you saw the previews from last week, you knew that this was the merge week, and that whoever won the duel on Redemption Island was going back into the game to create some ruckus. That person was Matt, the R.I. veteran with a Bible in his hand, a bandage on his foot and some unresolved feelings about the tribe that voted him off. And now that he’s back in the game, he’s a wild card. Everybody wants him, because he’s the possible lynch pin to surviving the merge.

So what does he do? He opens his big fat yap and tells Rob that he and his only ally, Andrea, were thinking about turning on Rob and Omatepe, their former tribe, until he decided that God didn’t want him to.

Oh, sweet little dummy. God loves you. He doesn’t care who wins “Survivor.” I believe that he just wants you not to do dumb things in His name and blame it on Him. And completely tipping your hand and telling the most powerful person in the game that you’re a big flip-flopper, while throwing your only ally under the bus, is dumb. So dumb. And while it has to be disheartening to go back to Redemption, he did it to himself.

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SPOILERS! SPOILERS1 LA LA LA!

Before we begin, let’s give one last silent clap to Stephanie, who did her best to win the duel against Matt, but just couldn’t pull it off. I resent that Probst let her talk so much at the end, allowing her to do that last-minute head game play. Maybe it’s because she’s the last link to Russell, or maybe it’s because she’s so polarizing on her own. I admired her hustle. But I’m not gonna miss her.

Speaking of people I won’t miss when they’re gone – Phillip. Secret Agent Cray-Cray can’t be voted off this week, because Omatepe won reward and immunity and he’s safe to go ranting about not getting the good crispy rice for another week. His intensity is scary, and if I were on his tribe I’d be sleeping with one eye open. And my good rice clasped tightly in my hand. That’s my rice, fool.

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This guy is dealing with invading Russians, but not with Phillip.

SPOILERS!

Last time: Matt was unstoppable, Phillip was nuts, and Krista was outta here!

Krista shows up on Matt’s Redemption Island turf and demands that he let her into his shelter. They discuss prayer and how God has put him into “Survivor.” Since God hasn’t discussed that with me, I can’t judge.

Stephanie is trying to suck it up with her tribe, who she thinks are all idiots, including ex-NFL player Steve. He’s not been bringing it to the physical challenges, and he’s personally insulted that she voted for him at the last tribal council. Well…she’s gotta vote for somebody, right? That’s in the rules. He thinks she’s gone in the next vote. We have that much pull, do we, Steve?

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Genius.

SPOILER ALERT!

Last time on “Survivor”: Russell Hantz proves that you can’t be the best Survivor ever if you can’t win, but that you can at least take someone else’s game with you on the way out (Hi Ralph!)

It’s cold and wet and gross in the Ometepe camp, and Phillip and his doo-rag believe that even though he’s currently the odd man out, they’re gonna have to recognize his awesomeness. Don’t stop believing, doo rag. Hold onto that feeling!

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Reality TV star Richard Hatch has presented himself to U.S. marshals in Rhode Island to begin a nine-month prison sentence for failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the first season of the CBS show “Survivor.”

Hatch arrived at U.S. District Court in Providence just after noon Monday, clad in a blue sweat suit.

Hatch maintains his innocence and says he hopes to be released soon. He has appealed to the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Boston.

Hatch, who lives in Newport, R.I., is currently appearing on NBC’s “The Celebrity Apprentice.” He spent three years in prison for tax evasion before being released in 2009. He was ordered to refile his 2000 and 2001 taxes and pay what he owed. He never did.

Reality TV star Richard Hatch has asked a federal appellate court to hear his appeal after a judge sentenced him last week to nine months in prison for failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the first season of the CBS show “Survivor.”

Hatch has asked the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Boston to hear his case.

He has also asked that the judge reconsider an order compelling him to surrender to U.S. marshals Monday.

In court documents, Hatch says he is helping his sister with her businesses and has several unidentified projects in negotiations. He says he needs time to put those affairs in order and that he wants instead to surrender to prison officials once they determine the details of his incarceration.

Reality TV star Richard Hatch was ordered back to prison Friday to serve a nine-month sentence for failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the first season of the hit CBS show “Survivor.”

Hatch, who is currently appearing on NBC’s “The Celebrity Apprentice,” spent more than three years in prison for tax evasion before being released in 2009, and has been serving a three-year term of supervised release. During that period, he was supposed to refile his 2000 and 2001 taxes and pay what he owed, but he never did.

U.S. District Court Judge William Smith on Friday said Hatch, who has strenuously maintained his innocence, had exhibited no remorse and had made no effort to comply with an order that he straighten out and pay his taxes. He imposed a sentence three months longer than what was recommended by prosecutors: six months — the maximum in the federal sentencing guidelines.
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More: ‘Idol’: How lucky was that 13 | ‘Survivor’: I want to spoil this for you so bad!

SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILER!

Russell Hantz, always a “Survivor” runner-up and never a sole “Survivor,” isn’t going to get the chance to win, because he lost his Redemption Island duel to NewFabio Matt and has GONE HOME! Of course, he managed to pull one more Jedi mind trick before he tossed his buff in the fire and walked away. Whatever. The point is, he’s out. OUT! And those scary young girls that he aligned himself with are going to have to fend for themselves with their natural grace and charm, which means they’ll be gone soon, too.

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Terrifying Hitchcock film or Russell's alliance? You be the judge!

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

You have to hand it to those “Survivor” producers. They can make anything sound life-or-death melodramatic, like the duel to return to the game from “Redemption Island” requires sharp sticks, poisoned darts and a flaming lake of fire. Or a day with Coach in your ear talking about that duel he had once with the pygmies who wanted to eat his feet. Either option…frightening.

To review: Francesca is living in isolation on Redemption Island. New Fabio got blindsided and was sent to join her instead of Phillip, who’s nutty, or Kristina, who was led to believe that she was going home and played her Idol but got played by Rob. Ha ha ha.

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