Michael has to decide whether he brings buddy Todd Packer into the office.

We all know a Todd Packer.

The obnoxious, sexist jerk who’s completely oblivious to the fact he’s an obnoxious, sexist jerk.

You might work with him (or her, since not all obnoxious, sexist jerks are … Never mind, they are all male.) or your friend might be dating him or you might see him at LA Fitness each day, spending far too much talking than, you know, actually exercising.

Wherever it might be, we all know him and we all wonder how he has any friends. How could anyone hang around with that guy? Doesn’t he see what a butt-hole he is?

Of course, we’d never be friends with a Todd Packer. We’re far too cultured, too evolved to hang out with a Cro-magnon like that, right?

Right?

Of course not.

The majority of us know a Todd Packer because we’re friends with a Todd Packer. He’s the guy we grew up with, the guy who we’ve known forever.

But while we’ve matured, our buddy Todd hasn’t quite figured that out as yet.

So we put up with him and make excuses for him, all the while hoping (praying?) that he’ll finally realize that fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

That’s why I could understand why Michael was so excited when his best bud decided to leave the traveling salesman gig behind and finally come home. Here was the guy that was his oldest friend, the guy who had been with him through “the best of times, the awesomest of times,” primarily the bad hair and bad clothes of the 80s.

While Todd seemingly has matured, asking Michael for a desk job and convincing Holly to sign off on it, Packer shows he hasn’t changed a bit, saying of his new job that “it’s nice to be with friends. Until then, you suckers will do.”

Andy, meanwhile, is disgusted by his ancient computer that won’t even let him watch the Yarmouth Regatta without freezing up. After seeing Erin’s new top-of-the-line computer, he talks her into switching, but Pam tells him to give it back. Feeling bad, she hatches a plan for him to get a new computer that involves allowing cookies and pop-ups and feeding the computer a bologna and mustard sandwich.

It’s nice to see Pam becoming drunk with the power of her office manager position, or “full-on corrupt” as she so succinctly puts it.

Determined to get rid of the new guy, Jim elicits the help of Dwight, hatching a plan involving Justice Beaver and fake concert tickets that Dwight finds entirely too confusing.

So they decide to send Packer to Florida, of course!

Talking like Bobby Bowden (like all of us Floridians do), they get Packer to fall for the ruse.

Michael learns of the fake job and starts to tell Packer, but then he makes the fatal mistake of dissing Holly. Looking at Michael’s face, you see the longtime friendship evaporate in an instant. And Michael lets his friend drive out of the parking lot and head to Tallahassee to a job that doesn’t exist.

The moral of the story? We tolerate Todd Packers in our lives, just so long as they don’t talk bad about our women. If they cross that line, well, it’s good riddance to bad rubbish.

Michael and Jan star in Michael's movie on 'The Office.'

I laughed. I cried. I got bored. I took a bathroom break. I wondered, “Why the heck am I even writing this blog?”

And I cried some more at what “Threat Level Midnight” was and what it could have been.

The latest episode of “The Office” continued this maddeningly frustrating season featuring decent story lines, a few laughs and far too many yawns.

“Midnight,” Michael Scott’s 11-years-in-the-making passion play had potential, but after the first few minutes felt like a padded-out “Saturday Night Live” sketch.

It was nice to see the return of some of the old characters, including crazy-as-a-loon Jan Levenson, whose role as femme fatale Jasmine Windsong is cut short by a poison dart to the neck. Also liked seeing the return of Karen, who is completely embarrassed to learn her “Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby?” line actually made it into the movie. Quincy Jones’ daughter is now in a much better place  — Pawnee, Indiana, to be exact — where she is one of the stars of the hilarious “Parks and Recreation” — AKA what “The Office” used to be.

We even get the return of Helene as a blonde-bombshell hospital worker who, um, nurses Michael back to health while completely mortifying Pam.

The movie itself follows Michael Scott as Michael Scarn, secret agent and international man of mystery. After several dramatic All-Star game rescues, he’s devastated by the death of his wife, Catherine Zeta Jones, at the hands of his nemesis, Goldenface.

Scarn leaves behind his life as a mild-mannered paper salesman to help President Darryl battle Goldenface, who amuses himself by making Dwight (AKA Samuel the Robot Butler) repeat his lines (Unfortunately, the only scene in which I actually laughed out loud.)

While Andy shines as Billy the Bartender, and Toby returns for a memorable, albeit violent scene, the true revelation is the dramatic acting of Creed. As Cherokee Jack, he teaches Michael how to play hockey so he can sneak into the NHL All-Star Game (what is it with the obsession with All-Star games?) and save the world from the puck bomb.

Cherokee Jack motivates Michael to work out like he’s never worked out before to that famously uplifting song, “Running on Ice” by Billy Joel.

With one civilian amateur being chosen to play in the All-Star Game (this being the NHL, this actually is believable), Michael battles Goldenface and Apolo Ohno-lookalike Oscar. Unfortunately, after he wins, Oscar meets an untimely fate at the hands of Michael and an American flag.

Given the opportunity in the big game, Michael hits the snot out of the puck, knocking it into orbit and then, of course, into Goldenface’s lap.

While his staff sing his praises — most likely to avoid having to actually work — Michael is disappointed in Holly’s lack of enthusiasm.

Then comes something completely unexpected. Michael suddenly is struck by self-awareness. He realizes how silly the film is, how silly he is, and he simply laughs at himself. And, suddenly, what had been just another forgettable episode actually becomes somewhat memorable, if only for a moment, as we laugh with Michael Scott as he laughs at himself.

Here’s hoping that in the coming weeks we have more simple, introspective moments like these during Michael Scott’s dwindling remaining days in Scranton and fewer where he explains to us why “Antz,” is his favorite Woody Allen movie.

Holly and Michael create havoc on Valentine's Day on "The Office."

We all knew it would come to this.

We knew Michael and Holly were bound to be together.

We also knew it wouldn’t be pretty, and learning in this week’s episode that they already were one of those couples really came as no surprise.

You know those couples, the kinds that are so in love that they suddenly are 16-year-olds, head-over-heals in love and not afraid to shove their love in everyone’s face without concern, without remorse, without mercy.

In “PDA,” Michael and Holly are the nauseatingly cute couple while Jim and Pam are the old, drunken couple just looking for a place to get a little somethin’ somethin’. Jim and Pam returning to the office after drinking their Valentine’s Day lunch and embarking on a quest to find office space to get busy in was pretty funny. During the search, I was impressed by the magnanimous gesture by the usually selfish Ryan, who offered up his office closet as long “as they put things back when they were done.”

With all the romance in the air, you gotta feel sorry for Andy. Roped into helping Erin in her romantic treasure hunt staged by Gabe — who brags that he “dominates Valentine’s Day” — the neutered Nard-dog can only gaze longingly at his true love while she cluelessly tries to figure out the clues.

With Michael and Holly annoying the staff, Gabe calls a staff meeting where he lectures them on office decorum — namely that booby honking and butt honking are inappropriate in the workplace.

Dwight comest to their defense, rattling off the names of staff members who have hit  inside-the-office home runs, including that trollop Phyllis. In the best line of the episode, Kevin swears he should be added to the list because of his hooking up with a girl who “goes to another school.”

Michael doesn’t agree with the company policy, saying he and Holly are “like Romeo and Juliet, and the office is the dragon that kept them apart.” After trying to stay within the rules, he lets slip that he loves Holly and she lets slip that she loves him back and they celebrate the romantic moment with a handshake.

Gabe brings the couple back to earth by mentioning the fact that Holly will be going back to Nashua as soon as Toby returns from jury duty. (I had forgotten this plot point. Of course, forgetting about Toby isn’t the most difficult thing in the world to do, but even so …)

To take control of their relationship instead of leaving it up to Dunder Mifflin, Michael and Holly decide to do what any intelligent, rational couple would do after having only dated for a week  — they decide to shack up. This, of course, should cut down on the couple’s PDAs, since they’ll have opportunities outside the office for those such things. So this is a rare win-win-win situation for the couple, coworkers and viewers.

As for more drunken Jim and Pam, that I wouldn’t mind seeing more of …

So what did you think of the episode? Do couples like Michael and Holly annoy you as well, or are you one of those couples? Do you think Erin will dump Gabe for Andy? Do you think Kevin ever will get lucky in the office?

Dwight and Erin search for a missing Michael on ‘The Office.’

Michael Scott is not an Aborigine and Scranton is not the bush, but his impromptu walkabout was an enlightening experience, capped by a smooch from his best girl.

In a whimsical episode, “The Search” opens with Ryan and Kelly announcing their divorce after, like, a whole week of marriage after getting hitched when they were “really wasted.” Best part of the scene comes when they ask their coworkers to pick sides and no one is willing to.

Frustrated by Holly’s refusal to date him again, Michael is in a bad mood. Following a sales call, he tries to pick a fight with Jim — “Is sex different after the baby?” — then threatens to have an accident in Jim’s car if he doesn’t stop the car.

After Jim rushes off to rescue CeCe, Michael is abandoned. With no money and no cellphone, he does what any logical human being would do — he wanders aimlessly around town. Michael’s wandering could be a metaphor for a show that, unfortunately, often struggles to find it’s way.

Back at Dunder Mifflin, the staff amuses itself by coming up with amusing captions for cartoons. Boasting of  a deft touch with “Family Circus,” Darryl throws down the gauntlet against Andy, who reacts in only the way he can by saying “It’s on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean John in Bhutan.”

Company man Gabe takes exception to criticism of Sabre, even shilling the company’s new “Sticky Quips,” which are so much better than sticky notes! Gabe, of course, quickly becomes the target of staff attacks, with Angela even getting into the act, delighting in comparing Gabe to a dog peeing on a palm tree.

With Michael lost, Holly and Erin (AKA “Space Orphan” and “Princess Nincompoop”) team up with Dwight on what he describes as a “manhunt-slash-rescue mission.”

Michael, meanwhile, is bonding with puppies and parakeets, begging for a thrown-out hot dog to be thrown into his mouth and being labeled a thief at Mr. Choo’s Chinese. Michael being on the wall of shame along with Creed was too easy. Wouldn’t it have been better if it was Angela on the wall? Or how about Phyllis?

Holly quickly distinguishes herself as the top tracker, discovering “Orville Tootenbacher” had signed up for a new cellphone plan and had eaten at Mr. Choo’s. She even surmises that Michael would go to the highest building he could find to help him get back home. Holly finds her soul mate alone on the roof and she finally gives in, telling him she’s missed him.

Happy to see the inevitable finally happened to Michael and Holly and now we can focus on wondering how they eventually will leave the show. Although I’ve been a frequent critic of the show, it’s a charming, sweet episode like this that has me already regretting when Steve Carrell takes his final walkabout.

So what did you think of the episode? Are you happy that Michael and Holly are back together? Are you happy that Ryan and Kelly aren’t? Are you skeptical that anyone can actually make the “Family Circus” funny?

Andy hosts a small-business seminar on ‘The Office.’

With Ed Helms taking center stage in this week’s episode of “The Office,” I was hoping for a breakout performance that would help right the listing ship of a show that approaches an uncertain post-Steve Carrell future.

Sadly, with no patented meltdowns, the Nard Dog didn’t deliver.

But David Brent did.

It’s telling when the first minute of a show is as good as it gets and it’s pretty much downhill from there. But, hey, at least we got that minute, right? Right?

“The Seminar” opens with Michael waiting for an elevator and, when the door opens, who should walk out but his doppelganger, David Brent.

Currently not the most popular person in Hollywood after his recent scathing hosting of the Golden Globes, Ricky Gervais returns to his sweet roots in the role of David Brent.

Learning the person he just met is English, Michael tries out his new character, Reginald Pooftah. David reciprocates by talking about his Chinese character, Ho Me.

Michael defends the use of offensive stereotypes, and David wholeheartedly agrees, saying “comedy is the place the mind goes to tickle itself.”

When David quickly adds “that’s what she said,” Michael knows he has found a kindred spirit and all he can do is hug this stranger.

Alas, the chance encounter comes to too quick an end, with David asking if Dunder Mifflin is hiring. Michael tells him it is not, even though one would guess the company has an opening in light of the fact we haven’t seen Golden Boy Timothy Olyphant in months …

After the promising beginning, “The Office” once again settles back into its recent recipe of mediocrity: take a promising idea, sprinkle in far too few laughs, bake for 22 minutes and you get an unfulfilling meal.

Andy, mired in last place in office sales, even behind Hidetoshi (and Madge and Glenn, who are so anonymous that we’ve never even met them), is determined to make a splash and comes up with the small business seminar plan in which he promises to help coworkers land “whales.”

After Jim promised to be the “charming lead-in,” he flakes so as to avoid his old friend, Tom, who Jim told 25 years ago that he was not smart enough to be his friend. After running out, Jim spends his time kicking a rock in the parking lot and even resorts to the scary-desperate move that men across the nation who are incredibly bored and/or brain damaged do each day — he calls up sports talk radio.

In one of the few scenes that made me laugh, Jim returns to the office and finally runs into Tom, who clearly has not gotten over Jim’s arrogance, asking him if he is a “paper salesman genius” and, when Jim leaves, mocks him by asking “where’s your jet-pack, Zuckerberg?”

When the “whales” turn out to be “worms,” Dwight, Phyllis and Stanley all bail on their coworker. Given the opportunity, Kevin steps up. Entering to the strains of Ozzy’s “Crazy Train,” Kevin does a couple laps and high-fives the audience. Suddenly, he’s Matt Foley (apparently minus the van down by the river), exhorting the audience to join him in business success. Unfortunately, our favorite hefty salesman is a tad out of shape and the laps catch up to him. He tries to soldier on, continuing his pitch even after ralphing into a trash can, but he finally has to quit.

As the seminar “plant,” Michael trots out a new character — Mikanos from Greece via the Italian circus — and enlists a depressed Holly to play his wife, Necropolis. Mikanos (who, for some reason, sounds a little like Gru from “Despicable Me”), is sorta funny at first, but quickly becomes tiresome in keeping with the show’s trend of late.

While Necropolis resists Mikanos’ wiles, we wonder how long Holly will mope around before she finally gives in and commits to a future with David and they ride off into the sunset together?

My guess is that David Brent would have closed the deal by now.

So what did you think of the episode? What did you think of Ricky Gervais’ cameo? How does the Americanized version stand up to its BBC predecessor? Who can’t wait for Erin and Gabe to be over?

Ferrell will play a visiting branch manager over an arc of several episodes. NBC announced the casting Wednesday with the promise that Ferrell’s character will be “just as inappropriate” as Steve Carell’s Michael Scott.

Carell’s farewell is expected four episodes before the season finale of “The Office.” In preparation of his exit, NBC is bringing in high-profile guests, including “The Office” creator Ricky Gervais, reprising his role as David Brent.

Gervais will make a cameo in Thursday’s episode, which airs at 9 p.m. EST.

The ‘Nard Dog’ receives dating advice from Dwight on ‘The Office.’

The first new episode of 2011 for “The Office” centered on New Year’s resolutions.

After another not-too-bad, but certainly not-too-good effort, NBC would do well to resolve to turn around what used to be one of the the best comedies on television.

“Ultimatum” had it’s funny moments — including Kevin’s mistaking Holly’s gesture as being obscene (“right back at ya, b—-!”) and Kelly telling Michael and Holly to shut the heck up with the ET talk (“Oh, God, please stop!”) — but the show remains maddeningly inconsistent.

The Peacock Network doesn’t have to cue up old tapes of the show to see what it used to be and what it could be again. It only needs to look at it’s neighbors on Thursday nights, including the still-excellent “30 Rock,” the blossoming “Community” and the ridiculously overlooked “Parks and Recreation.”

I guess “The Office” can take some solace in the fact they are better than the terrible, just terrible “Outsourced” and that other new show about couples, whatever the heck that thing is called …

While “Ultimatum” had few really funny scenes, it did have some sweet moments, with Dwight admitting he never had been to a strip club and confessing that he’s “tired of being Mr. perfect role model” and Dwight, Andy and Darryl spending their lunch break roller skating. The scene of the “Nard Dog” skating alone to Dave Matthews’ “Ants Marching” personified a man at peace with himself, which is unfortunate considering Ed Helms is at his most funny when he’s melting down.

I know, I know we’ve gotten this far into this review and haven’t even mentioned the big revelation at the end, when Holly called A.J. to tell him she wanted to “cool things down for a while.” Of course, this was all too predictable. I mean, come on, did the writers really expect us to believe that Michael and Holly really won’t get back together?

Michael and Holly not ending up together is as unlikely as Kelly becoming less self-centered, Erin learning a new word each day and using it correctly, Angela becoming more romantic with her, um, “boyfriend” the senator or Kevin actually taking a liking to veggies.

If any of those things do actually happen any day soon, it certainly will, as Michael says, be “a day that lives infamously.”

So what did you think of the episode? Are you with me, or do you think I should I resolve to be a little less critical of the show in the new year? What was more disturbing, Holly actually finding Paula Poundstone funny or Darryl’s apparent, um, “fondness” for the elderly?

Holly returns to Scranton on ‘The Office.’

She’s back …

And as annoying as ever.

Holly Flax made her long-awaited return to Dunder Mifflin Scranton and any hope that maybe her time away from Michael somehow had matured her were dashed within seconds of her arrival when the former couple launched into a riff of pop culture characters that only they found funny.

In “Classy Christmas,” Pam takes the opportunity to disband the toxic political club that is the party planning committee while Kelly hands out Hello Kitty laptop sleeves.

While Jim is excited about the snow falling outside, Dwight scoffs at what he calls a “dusting.” Jim proves his point by gathering up a snowball and depositing it in Dwight’s face, leading to Dwight challenging Jim to a duel.

We all know where this is going. Dwight, desperate for revenge, will find multiple ways to embarrass himself while Jim will nearly pull a face muscle through constant smirking.

It’s an “Office” standard, as predictable as  Creed’s cluelessness, Meredith’s drunkenness and Kevin’s slothness. Certainly, this will play out just as we expect, right? Right?

Toby announces he is taking a leave of absence to be a part of the jury trying the Scranton Strangler and that Holly is returning to Scranton. So, not only does Michael get rid of his archnemesis, he also gets to welcome back the love of his life. He gives credit where credit is due, thanking the Scranton Strangler for taking “one more person’s breath away.”

Michael, of course, goes over the top on his preparation for Holly, dressing as a cool, sleek santa and even hiring a bassist for the day because “nothing is classier than boring jazz music.”

Jim goes outside for his showdown with Dwight, who subjects himself to numbness in his, um, extremities to sneak-attack Jim. With Jim’s fearful beatdown at the hands of his rival, I thought we may have cut to a Dwight dream sequence, but this, in fact, is all too real!

Holly arrives and Michael quickly remembers how much they have in common — “You have a Woody!” — before she breaks his heart by admitting she’s shacking up with her boyfriend.

Dwight continues his onslaught on Jim, wearing a Pam wig to trick him and presenting him a booby-trapped Christmas gift. Jim resorts to using a lacrosse stick to get back at his rival, a desperate move that results in a broken window.

Michael throws Woody into the trash and Holly confronts him on it. Michael confesses and Holly tries to follow him, only to be stopped by Erin.

You know, the assumption for Steve Carrell’s last season on the show always has been that Michael and Holly would run off together, but I think he might just run off with … wait for it … Erin!

While Michael and Holly are displaying fits of jealousy, so is the sweet, innocent, dimwitted receptionist as she doesn’t think Holly is all that — “Is she an amazing cook or something?”

It could happen: Michael and Holly temporarily reunite, but she eventually returns to Nashua and A.J. Erin, meanwhile, gives Gabe his blanket back, tells Andy she never could date a Cornell Man, and she and Michael walk off into the sunset for a long life of blissful cluelessness …

You know it could happen …

Back at the Christmas party, Angela shows off her new senator boyfriend, who Oscar quickly realizes isn’t all he portrays himself to be. Oscar’s Gaydar seems to be getting an accurate reading when the senator takes an, um, shine to Ryan.

The staff hands out Christmas gifts, with Creed receiving a thoughtful package of deodorant from Angela and Pam getting a bracelet from her husband.

Jim, meanwhile, gets his very own comic book … plus further torment from maniacal parking lot snowmen.

While certainly not an episode that will go down as a holiday classic, “Classy Christmas” wasn’t too bad as far as Christmas gifts go. It wasn’t the 65-inch 3-D TV we may have hoped for, but it also certainly wasn’t the lump of coal “The Office” has delivered on more than one occasion over the last couple of years.

And for that, in staying with the theme of the season, I am thankful.

So what did you think of the episode? Are you happy to see Holly back? Were you happy to see Jim get his? Michael and Erin … What do you think?

Dwight is the landlord from hell on “The Office.”

In these trying economic times, the majority of us have had to cut back and conserve.

With that in mind, Dwight Schrute should be admired, not admonished.

Can you blame a guy for wanting to cut costs by not spending as much on the electric bill, the heating bill or even on toiletry items? And is $8 for a blueberry muffin too much to ask for someone so passionate about his green initiative?

In “China,” Dwight wages war on his tenants, cutting off their supplies, their one-ply luxuries, even their woman—  OK, maybe that was taking it a bit too far …

Michael comes back from a dentist’s visit where he was shocked — SHOCKED! — to learn that the United States is falling behind China in the global economy.

Apparently, this is all new to Michael, who educates his staff on the disturbing trend that could relegate forks to irrrelevancy and force every man, woman and child in America to learn how to play the cello. During his diatribe, Michael spouts facts that Oscar disputes, but the smug, gay Mexican is proven wrong.

This, of course, doesn’t sit well with Oscar, AKA “Actually,” and he sets up a meeting with Michael in a desperate attempt to save face.

Knowing Michael is about to be thoroughly embarrassed, the staff takes time out of their busy work days to tutor him on everything but politics, as he already has that covered with his impressive knowledge of the governator.

Meanwhile, Darryl is annoyed by Andy’s constant texts, including his embarrassment at having worn the same tie to work as Michael. Darryl laments the good ol’ days when he received texts from lady friends who he advised to BTB. Gotta admire Darryl’s old-school sensibilities when it comes to communication and, um, relationships …

While Pam tries to bluff Dwight into changing his treatment of his tenants, he’s one step ahead of her, even using his underling to seemingly give Pam the ammunition she needs to get the changes she wants. And, shockingly, half-ply becomes one-ply once again!

A completely forgettable episode featuring a couple mild laughs that leaves one wondering if the show’s writers were too busy figuring out Michael’s exit to turn in solid episodes each week. Next week, however, has some promise as it’s an hour long and is a holiday episode. “The Office” traditionally has done some of it’s best work in holiday episodes, and here’s hoping the trend continues.

So what did you think of the episode? How does Dwight compare to some landlords you’ve known? Where’s Danny Cordray been the past few episodes, and is he behind the plot to kill Erin for insurance money?

Ryan seeks the help of coworkers like Darryl and Stanley for his business venture.

We all know a Ryan Howard.

The guy who, no matter the crisis, always is confident and reassuring. The guy on the deck of the Titanic who tells you, with a big smile on his face, “Hey, what’s a little water going to hurt?”

He’s the charming, charismatic guy who you want to believe in so much that you ignore that voice in the back of your brain subtly whispering HE’S EVIL! RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!

Yet we stay, and we pay for our mistake.

My Ryan Howard was a boss I had a lifetime ago, an entrepreneur who hired (lured?) me to help establish a new business. During the 18 months I worked with him, I heard all the nasty rumors, how he was shady and how my reputation would be ruined simply by being associated with him.

I ignored the talk and was in full denial, believing I knew him better than others and that the rumors were completely unfounded. That was until a friend of his, who I had also become friends with, took me aside one day and said, and I’m paraphrasing this part, HE’S EVIL! RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!

Thankfully, I escaped with my reputation in tact. Nearly two decades later, I probably should be resentful of him, but for some reason, I’m not. I still recall with fondness that part of my life.

That is why I could totally relate to Michael Scott’s sticking by Ryan’s side when it came to WUPHF.com. While every other Dunder Mifflin employee begged Michael to bail on Ryan, Michael couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to.

WUPHF.com is Ryan’s brainchild (or is it Kelly’s?) that instantly sends messages to your home phone, cellphone, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and home screen.

I know WUPHF is played for laughs, but I’m surprised it hasn’t become a reality. I mean, seriously, think of all those seconds during our everyday lives when we are not on Facebook or Twitter! Think about all that time lost not communicating our every move to our “friends,” how we had a lovely lunch of Chef Boyardee, and now we’re feeling a little tubby, so we’re thinking about going to the gym, but we probably won’t because we really want to watch the latest “Dancing With the Stars,” but maybe we’ll go online and buy some Beatles songs on iTunes instead, or maybe we’ll just take a little nap … Decisions, decisions!

While Michael and Ryan plan an investor ski trip during which Michael will start on the bunny slope before building up to the “Death Drop,” Ryan’s other in-house investors are nervous. Their nervousness is heightened when Ryan admits he is nine days away from bankruptcy. Cornered, Ryan says not to worry, through the use of advertising on T-shirts and condoms, WUPHF is sure to survive!

Dwight, meanwhile, reconstructs “Hay Place: A place for Hay” in the company parking lot. This brought back a lot of memories for me. Having grown up on an Iowa farm, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging here, but you could say I’m very familiar with hay.

My summers were spent baling hay, standing on the hay rack behind the baler and stacking the bales. Of course, being male, I took this seemingly mindless job and somehow made a competition out of it, seeing how high I could stack the bales.

It was all fun and games until pushing the limits — usually stacks seven bales high were about the maximum — resulted in stacks nine bales high or more that were woefully unstable. Believe me, a good way to torque your father off is stacking a rack too high and seeing them topple over, forcing him to stop the tractor while you restack.

Like Dwight, I never could boast of being Hay King. I also never actually took a roll in the hay — as Angela wished to with Dwight — because doing so really would scratch your back up!

Tired of waiting on Dwight, Angela flirts with HRG from “Heroes,” cracking him up with her “Thanksgiving me your money day” line. That Angela, she’s a real card …

With the Washington University Public Health Fund wanting to buy the domain rights to WUPHF.com, Ryan is resistant, hoping to get more money while dreaming of flying on private planes with private chefs. Darryl, Andy, Stanley and Pam, however, are realistic and urge Michael to encourage his friend to sell.

Because he believes in his friend, Michael continues to stand by him, even offering to take out a second mortgage, an idea Ryan supports because “a lot of people are doing that without any consequences.”

Later, Michael is relieved when Ryan finally realizes that the dream is dead and sells the company. WUPHF, there it isn’t anymore.

So what did you think of the episode? Who’s the Ryan in your life? Will Angela and the former “Dynasty” guy hook up? Will Kevin ever escape the hay maze?

Gabe hosts a party on ‘The Office.’

I knew there was a reason why I’ve never been a fan of “Glee.”

I mean, sure, there’s the fact that I never understood the idea of glee club when I was in high school, and that certainly hasn’t changed in the two-and-a-half decades since I escaped the hell that is high school.

Because of this, I’m one of the last remaining souls to have never seen a minute of the “It” Fox show — though my two teenagers incessantly inform me of what I’m missing.

Now I’m glad I held out after learning that when people get together to watch this particular show, really, really gross things happen.

Not exactly sure what the biggest gross-out in the latest episode of “The Office” was: Phyllis talking about getting bare with Bob Vance of Bob Vance Refrigeration; Dwight and Angela discussing their need to finish their “business transaction;” Michael adopting a fatherly role with Erin or Andy ralphing into the toilet.

In “Viewing Party,” the entire Dunder Mifflin staff is invited to Gabe’s to watch the latest episode of “Glee.”

Dwight scoffs at the premise of the show, believing “Thirst” would be a much better show about feelings. Angela concurs and Dwight is caught up in the moment, saying romantically, “tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.”

Only a suave beet farmer could get away with being so forward with the ladies …

Michael is on board for the party until he finds out his staff considers Gabe their boss, not him. At the party, Michael isn’t impressed by Gabe’s ability to cook in an oven, saying that a bag of steamed veggies in a bag and a glass of sangria is good enough for him, thank you very much!

Watching the show, Phyllis asks for guidance from Kelly, who quickly grows tired of her endless questions. That would be me at the party, asking who everyone is, what they are doing and, why, exactly, is this show so freakin’ popular???

Michael tries to move the party to the bedroom. After his coup fails, he morosely watches the show alone and asks Pam to shoot him in the groin 100 times if he ever starts acting like Gabe. He says that better men than Gabe have tried to be his boss, two of which were fired, one of which went nutso and another who, literally, and unfortunately, lost his head.

Andy, meanwhile, is mooning over Erin and asks Darryl’s opinion. Darryl admits that if he had to choose between Gabe and “a dude who likes wearing sweaters,” he would choose Andy. And then he adds, without being asked, that he’d then proceed to blow Andy’s mind.

Andy responds to the awkwardness the only way he knows how — by pouring chinese virility herbs into his wine glass.

Jim does what I would do at the party — he changes the channel during a commercial to check out scores. He switches back too late and Kelly is furious when she learns they missed a blind guy singing “Blinded by the Light.”

(Not sure that The Boss actually would lend his music to the show, but I’m pretty sure that Manfred Mann and his Earth band would be happy to sell the rights to their incredibly sucky remake).

An exhausted Pam is stunned to learn that Dwight is the baby-whisperer. Because, for some reason, Gabe doesn’t have suet — or any congealed fat, for that matter — in his fridge, Jim and Pam are at the mercy of Dwight. The Schrutemeister, of course, takes full advantage by doing something that I forgot to add to my gross-out list: He forces Jim to feed him.

While Kevin is delighted to eat pigs in a blanket while in a blanket (and haven’t we all really wanted to do that?), Andy yacks on Gabe’s bed and then sends Phyllis out to find out if Gabe and Erin have consummated their relationship. Phyllis tells Erin that her and Bob Vance have … well … sorry, I’m just gonna have to end this sentence right here …

Erin busts Michael messing with the cable and tells him how important it is for her to get his approval. Michael, of course, makes what begins as a sweet moment entirely uncomfortable by taking on the role of father to his dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks secretary.

I did like, however, what Michael said to Gabe about if he break’s Erin’s heart, that he won’t just kill him, but will kill his whole family as well. As a father of a high school sophomore who, unfortunately, recently started dating, I gotta admit, I could learn a thing or two from Michael’s fatherly wisdom …

So what did you think of the episode? How many more episodes before Erin drops Gabe for that seahorse-loving Andy? How many more episodes until Dwight and Angela’s “transaction” is complete? How strange is it that an episode devoted entirely to gross human behavior had very little on-camera time for Meredith?

Pam and Jim have baby Cecilia baptized on ‘The Office.’

We’d all like to hop on that bus.

The bus that takes us far, far from here. The bus that takes us away from our jobs, our responsibilities, our lives.

We want to get on that bus to be the generous, caring, compassionate people we all, deep down, truly want to be.

Then we get a little nervous. Leaving everything behind, well, maybe that’s not such a good thing …

Maybe I don’t want to give up my life. Maybe I don’t want to give up my belongings. Maybe I don’t want to give up the stress.

And maybe, just maybe, three months of hard labor South of the border with a church youth group isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

Hey, we’ve all been there.

In a somewhat amusing episode, Michael and Andy find the holy spirit, passion of The Christ, whatever, and hop that bus, only to become quivering, crying piles of mush, desperate to disembark AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

“The Christening” opens with Pam holding a “Hygiene Day” for Dunder Mifflin staff, teaching them about utilizing a “vampire cough” and sanitizing stations to cut down on the spread of germs.

Of course, Dwight scoffs at the idea, saying that desanitizing stations — good ol’ bowls of dirt, vomit and fecal matter — will help the body fight off germs.

As predictable as Dwight’s contrarian stance is the staff’s taking advantage of Dwight by using him as their own personal hanky.

At the church, where Michael has invited the whole crew to take part in CeCe’s christening, Angela coos with the baby while belittling her parents. Dwight takes advantage of the opportunity to drum up a little business and Michael does his Godfather impression — “Scootch before I shoot you in the head” —  before realizing that CeCe’s parents are boxing him out.

Oh, and Toby apparently has some past religious experience that leaves him too traumatized to enter the church. I know, I know, Toby dealing with some neurosis … Whodathunk?

CeCe, meanwhile, has a little accident on her beautiful, white christening dress, leaving her clueless father (I know, redundant) to dress her in a rocking Arcade Fire T! Coulda been worse. Coulda been an Ozzy T-shirt in church. Or Metallica. Or (shudder) Bruno Mars …

This scene includes my favorite line when Pam says “You said you checked” if they had a backup outfit for CeCe.

“I did …” Jim says with the look only a busted husband can make, “say that.”

During the greeting part of the service, Michael becomes way-too-enthusiastic about welcoming the other parishioners.

At the “Halbert” reception, Jim and Pam struggle to appease their uninvited guests, including Sconesy Cider, noted baptism reception clinic.

Michael, meanwhile, is disgusted by his coworkers and their selfishness while the freshly scrubbed Up With People-esque youth group members prepare for their mission trip to Mexico.

Caught up in the spirit, he suddenly decides to make a leap of faith and join the kids on the bus. Seeing an opportunity to score brownie points with Erin, Andy decides to join Michael.

Buoyed at first by perky Carla, the bus is nearly out of the county before Michael and Andy realized what they have done … and they suffer simultaneous Tony Soprano-like panic attacks. With Andy using his talent of crying like a girl on cue, he and Michael get the bus to stop and let them off.

Joined by a teen who asks that his parents not be told, the trio are picked up by Erin, who tells them the rest of the gang have gone to a movie, which makes Michael happy. “It’s so nice to be back in a country with movies.”

I didn’t particularly like the episode, but I didn’t hate it either, possibly because my daughter is one of those youth group members who has taken mission trips, determined to help save the world. I admire her compassion, her consideration and her ultimate desire to help others.

I also envy her naivete. Because I know I couldn’t get on one of those buses. And, if I did, I would cry like Andy to get the heck off.

So what did you think of the episode? Would you be able to get on the bus? Did you find it creepy, Angela bonding with a non-feline? Do you worry about Kevin and Stanley putting too much food in their gullets? Will Andy ever get his dream of marrying Erin and raising a litter of nard pups?

Dunder Mifflin staff (from left) Meredith, Erin, Oscar and Ryan celebrate Halloween.

“Halloween should be a day we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.”

The author of these profound, thoughtful words? Gandhi? No. Martin Luther King? Hardly. JFK? Try again.

These words to live by were uttered by everyone’s favorite super-intelligent, super-special operative MacGruber, of course.

Well, not exactly the real MacGruber. More like Michael Scott as MacGruber, which doesn’t take away from the significance of the words.

In its latest Halloween installment, “The Office” continues a string of better-than-average episodes featuring Kevin as Michael Moore, Andy as Bill Compton and Gabe as a very-creepy Lady GaGa.

Sorry, redundant …

“Costume Contest” opens with the staff testing the limits to Stanley’s uncanny ability to ignore everyone and everything around him. Kevin as Phyllis doesn’t shake him. A topless Andy doesn’t distract him from his beloved crosswords. He does notice, however, when someone messes with the clock and he high-tails it out of the office at closing time, brushing past Dwight and his miniature pony.

Gotta admire the uncomplicated life of Stanley Hudson. The man loves his food, his puzzles and the occasional adulterous affair. He’s running the clock out on an incredibly insignificant career selling paper products and is anything but apologetic about his intentions on doing the least amount of work possible before hitting retirement.

He also has the best line of the episode. When Andy tells him he’s Bill Compton, Sookie’s true love on “True Blood,” Stanley says exasperatedly, “How many freakin’ vampires am I supposed to care about these days?”

Exactly …

The Dunder Mifflin staff is determined to win the 2011 Scranton-Wilkes Barre coupon that features $15,000 in savings that will go to the winner of the costume contest. Dwight is the Scranton Strangler — literally, to his chickens — while Pam’s Olive Oyl reminds Dwight of his mama. His apparently Amazon-like mama.

Pam laments her Olive being Popeye-less due to Jim’s refusal to be the spinach-loving sailor with the killer biceps. Flashbacks show Jim’s apathy when it comes to Halloween costumes, although last year’s “Bookface” was brilliant …

Lady Ga—, um, Gabe, announces corporate’s new plan to have drivers sell paper products to customers, a plan first proposed by Darryl and, surprisingly, scuttled by his boss. Michael, who says he has “egg all over my plate,” publicly apologizes to Darryl.

Michael is hurt when he learns Darryl “went over my head to go behind my back” and he first mimics Darryl, only stopping when Pam points out how bad things happen when he dresses up as somebody else. He then stages a Ouija Board standoff with Darryl that proves what an asset Darryl is to the company.

Danny invites everyone to his bar for a Halloween party, but Kevin and Andy are torn because they really want to go to the party with cool kid Danny, but they don’t think they should out of respect to Jim and Pam. Danny — whose Halloween costume apparently is Handsome Guy — talks to Jim and Pam and assures them that the past is the past. Pressed by Jim to find out why Danny didn’t call Pam back after two dates, Danny first says it was because all she did on their dates was talk about Jim.

Knowing that wasn’t the case, Pam pressures Danny for the real reason and he admits he didn’t call her because she’s, well, kinda dorky. Pam proves he’s wrong by uttering a strange sound and channeling Steve Martin, circa 1979.

While everyone is pulling out all the stops to earn the top prize — even Angela, who isn’t above showing off her, um, assets in pursuit of a remarkable prize that would save her all the time of gluing her coupons into a book — Oscar downplays the coupon book, pointing out that you’d have to “spend $200,000 on crap you don’t need to get the $15,000 benefit.”

So, of course, he takes home the top prize.

Although I think Creed’s dead-on impersonation of a mummy — the dead eyes, the blank expression … Brilliant! — should have won him first place, I can’t quibble with much else in the episode. We learned that Angela loves her coupons, how Andy developed his love of a capella, that the key to sleeping on a fence is to lie facedown with the post in your mouth and that Jim and Pam are perfectly OK with being dorks.

As are we, apparently, as we find humor in their utter dorkiness.

Darryl and Andy form a band on ‘The Office.’

If you can’t beat ’em, hire ’em.

A business stealing a top-performing employee from its competition is not surprising. It is surprising, however, when it’s Michael Scott making such a solid — if slightly underhanded — business decision.

On “The Sting,” we’re introduced to Danny Cordray, the top salesman for Osprey Paper in Throop (gotta love those silly-sounding Pennsylvania cities), played by Sheriff Bullock himself, Timothy Olyphant. The last time “The Office” had a guest star from a late, great HBO show, Idris Elba of “The Wire” left his Stringer Bell charisma behind on the streets of Baltimore to play Charles Miner, Michael’s humorless Dunder Mifflin boss.

Danny Cordray appears to be just a pretty boy getting by with his male-model looks and aw-shucks charm. But  played by Olyphant — who was so great as the law in “Deadwood,” and now stars in FX’s top-notch “Justified” — we’ll surely soon learn there is much more to Danny than first appears …

Overall, another solid episode in a seventh season that started slowly but is gaining stream. While the opening was a bit hokey with Michael proving once again what a boob he is (I mean, really, how many 40-somethings do you know who can’t ride a bike?), but it picked up with Jim and Dwight going on a sales call, where they run into Danny.

After learning that his longtime client had left him for Danny, Michael is shaken, comparing his crashing and burning in his return to the sales arena to Michael Phelps returning to competitive swimming by belly-flopping into the pool and then drowning.

As a sports fan, or “jock hipster,” as Dwight sneered, I appreciated the shout-outs to Phelps and Steve Nash …

Wanting to get back at Danny, Dwight convinces Michael and Jim to set up a “stinger” using Dwight’s big-brother setup of his building.

While the sting scene worked, it was predictable that Meredith Van Helsing’s desires would fudge everything up. Best part of the scene was when Oscar and Ryan suddenly became lowly office help, literally doing Meredith’s dirty work.

After Michael stopped Meredith’s advances, he admitted the ruse and, surprisingly, took advantage of the opportunity to somehow talk Danny into working for Dunder Mifflin.

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned how his hiring could affect Jim and Pam’s relationship since Danny and Pam dated a couple of times four years ago. With Jim’s jealousy running rampant, Pam had one of the better lines of the night. “You know I have a kid with you, right?”

It’s just like a wife to stop a husband’s jealous rant with cold, hard facts …

Andy, meanwhile, is rocked by the news that a former Cornell friend has surpassed him in the “artsy, musical” hierarchy by recording “Calci-yum” with Phish’s Trey Anastasio for the Pennsylvania milk lobby’s new milk-awareness campaign.

Andy enlists the help of Darryl on keyboards and Kevin on drums to sing a creepy song about a young girl asking the president to bring the troops home safely. On the plus side, they do come up with a rocking “Bullfrog Love” that feature’s Kevin’s unique vocal stylings …

With Danny joining Dunder Mifflin, it should be interesting to see how Jim handles the double-whammy of working with a man who previously dated his wife and someone who will challenge him for the top salesperson role.

If nothing else, Jim and Pam will have Dwight to back them up, who, in a funny scene, defended Pam as one of the “plain, hearty women of Scranton who make this city great.” Dwight then called Danny a thief, accusing him of stealing his keys. Finding his keys in his pocket, Dwight’s rage quickly abated and he welcomed Danny to the team.

As do I. Here’s hoping that Olyphant’s stay in Scranton will not be short-lived.

So what did you think of the episode? What do you think of Danny’s character? Who do you think is fibbing about their past relationship — Pam or Danny? What would be a good name for the super group of Andy, Darryl and Kevin?

Novak says he’s “always been a big believer” in “Eastbound and Down” actor Danny McBride but doesn’t know if the show will be able to get him.

“Eastbound and Down” is in its second season on HBO.

Novak also feels the show can go on without a replacement for Carell.

He says that “the greatest accomplishment we could have, the biggest success story we could have if Steve were to leave ‘The Office’ and we were as good as ever.”

Novak plays Ryan Howard on the show. Credited with writing 12 episodes, he has been with the show for its entire run. “The Office” is in its seventh season.

Andy leads a staff discussion on sex ed on "The Office."

In the most recent episode of “The Office,” Michael Scott is visited by Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

Well, he actually visited them, but you get the idea …

In “Sex Ed,” Michael is dealing with a health scare in which he believes the best course of action, of course, is to cover it up. With a moustache. Not just any old moustache. He chooses a big, ol’ Wyatt Earp moustache that he promptly drops into his coffee, revealing a “pimple” on his lip.

Michael doesn’t seem concerned, saying Avril Lavigne gets “pimples” all the time “and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”

While the staff expresses their concern for their boss, Meredith downplays the significance, saying she knows “tons of people” who have the STD. Meredith’s lack of moral fiber literally leaves Angela breathless.

Encouraged by Dwight, Michael decides to contact each of his past flames to tell them about his, um, affliction. He calls Donna — the trollop who cheated on her husband with Michael — and frightens her by telling her he has a disease that’s spelled “h-i(pause)-r-p-e-e-s.”

He next calls Holly Flax, who downplays their relationship, saying he romanticized their fling.

Michael and Dwight then visit the hospital where Psycho Jan works in between her releasing Doris Day covers. While Michael remembers her and Jan as Jordan and Pippen between the sheets (great line), Jan remembers their relationship as her being the princess and Michael working in a service station.

With the arrival of her daughter, Jan breaks into Doris Day, only to be interrupted by Michael blurting out that he has herpes.

It was nice to see Jan again. It was nice to see she’s still self-centered, delusional and, as Dwight succinctly put it, still certifiably insane …

Andy, meanwhile, uses pizza to lure the staff into the meeting room, where he proceeds to talk to them about sex. While Kevin extols the virtue of the horizontal bop, the staff learns there are only pros to sex, no cons whatsoever.

While Andy says he’s holding the meeting for Meredith’s sake, Gabe calls him on it, saying he did it for Erin. We learn through this exchange how Gabe and Erin ended up together, how, because Gabe asked so damn politely, that Andy gave him his blessing to steal his girl.

Upset over Erin, an emotional Andy visits Darryl. Seeing he’s hurting — but having absolutely no clue why — Darryl provides his patented “be your best self” pep talk.

Michael then tracks down Helene and after mistaking an old woman for his ex, he tells Pam’s mother that he viewed their relationship as something that had to end because the summer was coming to an end for her.

Finally, Michael talks to Carol, whose Realtor character I honestly had forgotten about. Unfortunately, her scene here won’t make her any more memorable …

But in the end, for Michael, it comes down to Holly. In a sweet scene, he calls to tell her she’s wrong about their relationship, that he “remembers every second of us.” He tells her that no other relationship he had with any other woman compared to his relationship with Holly. One would guess primarily because she laughed at his dumb jokes and told jokes equally as dumb.

“I did not make us up,” he tells her with confidence.

Then he adds that he has herpes.

Not a bad episode, primarily because we catch up with Crazy Jan and it sets up Amy Ryan’s return to Scranton. It’s obvious that Michael and Holly belong together. What’s not yet obvious is how Michael will find a way to somehown screw up their impending reunion.

So what did you think of the episode? Did you enjoy seeing the exes again? Do you think Erin will drop Gabe for Andy? Do you think Michael and Holly will walk off into the sunset at the end of the season? Do you think the building’s new maintenance worker will survive Dwight?

Andy takes center stage on "The Office."

Now, that’s more like it.

After the first two episodes of Season 7 of  The Office continued the disheartening trend of uninspired efforts from last season, the show bounced back with one of its best efforts in years.

And all it needed was Andy Bernard singing show tunes.

Whodathunk?

“Andy’s Play” opens with the star of the show and the cast from Sweeney Todd dropping into Dunder Mifflin for a pickup performance geared to gain interest in the troupe’s final performance at Scranton’s own Loose Screw Playhouse.

Erin is impressed, asking Andy if he had written the song. Not exactly surprising that our favorite dim-witted receptionist isn’t familiar with the works of Stephen Sondheim …

Andy is confident that if Erin comes to watch him perform, that she’ll fall in love with him and drop that loser Gabe.

“Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes,” Andy says matter-of-factly. “It’s so powerful, even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show tunes.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

At Loose Screw, Michael, because he’s Michael, arrives with balloons and Andy is disappointed to learn that Erin is baby sitting for Jim and Pam. Andy tries to be understanding, knowing it always has been Erin’s dream to break into the cutthroat business of baby sitting.

Still, Andy remains hopeful that he will get a text from his unrequited love, which leads to an annoying bird on stage, a loud bottle rolling down the aisle and popping balloons. After temporarily losing it, Andy recovers when Erin shows up.

Creed isn’t impressed, phoning in a scathing review of the show, calling the show “hamfisted,” and saying the real terror of the show came from the vocal performances. First question: Who does Creed write for? Second question: How can I subscribe?

Dwight takes Angela to the play, but only to fulfill a contractual obligation. Angela, however, has other plans, citing that it would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2 of her procreation contract with the Shrutemeister if he fell in love with her. To help that happen, she subtly changes clothes that make her look like a seed catalog model.

And who, seriously, can resist that?

After she gets him on her hook, Angela deftly releases Dwight and leaves him to possibly reconsider the wording of their contract.

After the show, Andy is making his move when Gabe calls and asks for soup. Sorry, broth.

Call me a romantic, but I’m guessing I wasn’t the only one shouting at Andy as Erin walked away, SAY SOMETHING, YOU DOPE!

Unfortunately, a depressed Andy is left behind, but his spirits are lifted by his coworkers, who talk him into singing. The choice of Macy Gray’s “I try” works because of how the lyrics relate to his feelings for Erin. Personally, I enjoyed it because when I moved to South Florida from the West Coast 10 years ago, I left my family behind for three weeks. It was that song’s lament of “my world crumbles when you are not here” that best described how much I missed my family.

“Andy’s Play” was just a solid, funny episode that relied on subtlety instead of the less-than-funny jokes and sight gags that have reduced “The Office” from one of the best sitcoms going to just another 30 minutes on network TV. Let’s hope that this is a return to form and not simply a bittersweet reminder of how good the show used to be.

So what did you think of the episode? Do you think Andy will win Erin back? Do you think Angela will win Dwight back? Will Michael ever get cast in a play? If so, will it be “Law & Order” or “Law & Order: SVU” or “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” or “Law & Order Los Angeles” or “Law & Order Tallahassee” or …

Toby and Michael use different counseling techniques on "The Office."

Life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries for Toby Flenderson.

First, there’s the unfortunate name.

Secondly, there’s the failed marriage.

Third, there’s the unrequited love for Pam.

Lastly, there’s the boss who, quite simply, hates his guts.

Yet, Dunder Mifflin’s human resources representative continues to plug away, going to work each day, where he has to deal with the woman he loves as well as the man who loathes him.

The question is, why does he put up with the pain and aggravation when he could have stayed on the beach in Costa Rica?

Maybe it’s for the fleeting moments of pleasure he gets when he shows he’s good at his job and the even less-frequent moments when his boss doesn’t want to strangle him.

One of those moments came in “Counseling,” the second episode of the seventh season of “The Office,” which though not great, was better than last week’s disappointing season premiere.

The episode opens with Dwight looking for new revenue streams and deciding that opening a day care center in his newly owned building makes perfect sense. The Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for Infants and Toddlers includes a magical toy box featuring Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and the security feature of a door that locks from the outside, ensuring that escape is impossible. As added amenities, there are buckets for waste, food and play!

Not sure which was more disturbing about the day care, Cousin Mose with the Cabbage Patch Kid or the poster on the wall of wrestling’s Doink the Clown …

Sentenced to six hours of counseling with Toby for the “corporate punishment” of nephew Luke, Michael has a positive, upbeat attitude, saying his punishment is worse than hell and that he’ll leave the blinds open in the break room “so everyone can see what a big failure you are.”

Phyllis, for one, is happy that Michael is getting help because “He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid.”

Dwight is steamed after a visit to the Steamtown Mall in which he was denied service at a ritzy boutique shop. To get revenge, Kelly suggests they “Pretty Woman their asses.” Told she has a good idea, Kelly can’t recall what it is since she tends to tune herself out because she talks too much.

Struggling as a sales person, Pam looks for support from Jim, who can’t even look the love of his life in the eyes as he tells her she’s good at sales. When a window treatment salesman asks for the Dunder Mifflin office administrator, Pam grabs the opportunity and hires herself for the job. She then proceeds to convince everyone that she, in fact, is the office administrator, going so far as to bully poor Gabe into giving her the job.

In the middle of their counseling session, Michael admits to having had, um, relations with ALF. “You might think he’s a puppet,” Michael says, “but you never see his lower half. There’s a lower half.”

Andy and Jim reveal the new-and-improved Dwight, which Angela greatly admires, She gets a date with her former boyfriend and a hole punch in their procreative agreement.

Toby finally gives up and tells Michael they can run out the clock by doing what Toby does with his daughter — play games and draw pictures. Over a game of Connect Four, Michael slowly starts to let Toby in, admitting that his relationship with his stepfather led to his almost pathological need to be liked.

Realizing Toby is breaking through to him, Michael is livid. He later mellows, however, and the former enemies bond while mocking Gabe and comparing stick-figure drawings of their coworkers.

So what did we learn from the episode? We learned that Pam can be ruthless when she wants something. We learned that Angela digs men who smoke pipes. We learned that no matter how dumb Michael may be, he’s a rocket scientist compared to Erin, who can’t figure out why anyone would use a disposable camera.

Finally, we learned that when going shopping, one should first wash off the beet juice from his or her hands so as not to look like a homicidal killer to mall workers.

Dwight Schrute continues to show he's one of a kind on "The Office" season premiere.

Did the seventh season of The Office get off to a hilarious start?

To quote Human Beinz: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—”

Well, uh, you get the idea …

Though the episode was shocking at times (Erin and Gabe? WHAT?!) and mildly amusing at times (Andy fantasizing about an outback whale violently killing the man who stole his girlfriend), we got more of Jim and Pam trying to get under the Schrutemeister’s skin.

Been there, done that for oh, about six seasons now …

As for the opening “Nobody But Me” singalong, it was tiresome seconds in and paled in comparison to last year’s “Subtle Sexuality” webisode video. I gotta admit, though, that seeing Creed returning to his Grass Roots with the air guitar was sorta funny …

The main plot point of “Nepotismy” revolves around Michael hiring his nephew, Luke, as his personal assistant, aka coffee monkey and gofer. It was obvious that Gabe was going to get his in the end, although it was a little surprising that his punishment, doled out by Uncle Michael, came in the, um, well, end for the slacker …

Other than that we got Michael reminiscing about his “great summer” that included his contracting the West Nile virus and stepping on a piece of glass, Ryan continuing to plug his WUPHF.com brainchild that will ensure that those who sign up will never, ever have a private moment again in their lives (this is played for laughs, but is it really that ridiculous?) and Kelly fresh off minority executive training at Yale that makes her, like, really smart now. Like, totally!

I am intrigued by Andy getting dumped and how he’ll deal with it and Dwight owning the Dunder Miffling building could present some funny scenarios if writers can avoid the tired “Let’s have fun at the expense of the megalomaniacal beet farmer” story lines.

Of course, fans will continue to tune in to see what happens with Steve Carrell’s character in his final season and who succeeds him as inept leader of Dunder Mifflin. I’m intrigued by rumors of Danny McBride of “East Bound and Down” or Rhys Darby, who was hilarious as a Michael Scott-like character on the late, great “Flight of the Conchords.” Even The New York Post’s report that an unnamed cast member from “Arrested Development” could be taking over could be interesting.

I just hope it’s not the other big-actor name that’s been bandied about who will be taking over Dunder Mifflin.

I enjoyed Tim Allen’s standup routine when he first hit it big, but I never was a big “Home Improvement” fan. Based on its huge ratings during its prime, I realize I was in the vast minority of TV viewers who just didn’t get it. I saw the show as somewhat amusing at times, but all-too-predictible more often than not.

Which is what, unfortunately, “The Office” has become of late.

So here’s hoping that what used to be a great sitcom enjoys a renaissance of sorts in its seventh season and that its never tool time in Scranton.

Dunder Mifflin employees wonder who spilled the beans about the danger of Sabre printers.

In looking back at what was an inconsistent sixth season of “The Office,” what else should we have expected from the show’s season finale?

As a mid-season episode, “Whistleblower” would have been better-than-average.  As a season capper, however, it came up just a little short.

The finale opens with Michael Scott reveling in his newfound celebrity stemming from his appearances on TV, the Internet and even Froggy 98.7, where he dismissed rumors that Sabre printers start fires.

Michael’s is the second-most watched clip of the day on WBRE after the teacher wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Determined to not let the pedophile win again, Michael instructs staff to go to the site 11 times. Alas, his plan of taking the top spot is sidetracked by an awfully cute baby otter.

Sabre owner Joe returns to Scranton with her big, ugly dogs and promises to find out who told the press about her faulty printers. Michael ask whoever talked to the press to raise his or her hand and Phyllis urges Andy to “raise your hand, Norma Rae.” Andy subtly shuts her up by threatening to stab her with her own glasses and promises he’s not the leak, citing how his family made all their money by silencing whistleblowers, which led to a Woody Guthrie song.

“Oh, Mr. Bernard. Oh, Mr. Bernard. Who have you silenced today?” Andy sings soulfully.

I recently became the last American male to see “The Hangover,” and my admiration of Ed Helms’ acting grew even more. Could have done without the photos of him extracting his own tooth, though …

Michael, who displays his immense knowledge of his staff through his impressive birthday knowledge, urges Jo to send the culprit(s) to Montego Bay “Where they keep Al-Qaeda. I want them to suffer. I prefer that they die.”

IT Guy, meanwhile, is put into an Apache Submission Hold by Dwight as he places Big Brother software on the staff computers. Later, IT Guy bids a heartfelt goodbye to the staff, who are brokenhearted about Bill … Um, Dave … Uh, Garth’s departure. Reminds me of the time I was working at a paper in New Mexico and a gathering was called to say goodbye to the newside intern. I told my boss, the sports editor, about the sendoff and he groaned and said, “Aw, hell. Guess that means I need to introduce myself first before saying goodbye.”

At least Shadow gets a few final shots in before saluting the staff as he walks out the door …

Jo continues her investigation of staff, urging Dwight to use his newfound wealth to buy property and lends Toby some helpful tips on how to improve his book, to which Toby helpfully suggests that she write her “own damn novel.”

Darryl confesses to Michael that he told a girl at the bar about the dangerous printers. Pam also confesses, saying she let it slip while trying to compete with that cutthroat daycare crowd.

Kelli also confesses, thinking she may have tweeted about it. Her excuse? Excessive communication, from tweeting to texting to phoning to video talking to skyping to woofing, the brainchild of boyfriend Ryan.

Can’t really blame Kelli, as she is simply a victim of the narcissistic times in which we live. How can we tell her that she’s really not all that interesting and we really could care less whether she’s a size 2 or not. If she couldn’t communicate 24/7, she’d be left with some semblance of privacy and that would just be simply ridiculous, now wouldn’t it?

Taking Jo’s advice, Dwight looks at investment property and though he is intrigued by a building that could house his long-wanted lair, he suddenly switches gears and sets his sight on purchasing Scranton Business Park, home of Dunder Mifflin and Vance Refrigeration.

Andy is revealed to be one of the snitches, prompting anger from Phyllis and Kevin but admiration from Erin, which makes it all worth it for our Cornell Man.

Jo takes Michael to her company jet, where he admits to having had a rough patch of it of late – “My favorite restaurant closed and my new favorite restaurant sucks.” He also talks about how he misses Holly Flax. Jo quickly sponges the responsibility of making the Sabre printer recall announcement onto Michael, who does it with entirely too much enthusiasm.

In return, Michael might just get the love of his life back.

The hint of Holly’s return was a nice touch, and I enjoyed seeing David Wallace, even though I wish we could have heard a little more about his new business venture.

So, not a horrible season-ender, but not one that I envision will be a hot topic around the water cooler today. I’d give it a B-, which is what I’d give the sixth season. Unfortunately, “The Office” has become a victim of its own success. While its still better than the majority of drek seen on TV – network TV in particular – we’ve simply come to expect more from “The Office.”

Here’s hoping that next season – in what could Steve Carell’s final season – “The Office” returns to its previous heights and doesn’t have to rely on celebrity guests or the threat of combustible office equipment to remain relevant.

Michael continues to deal with his relationship with Donna.

Though he took the scenic route, Michael Scott finally completed the path to morality, and all he had do along the way was give up his happiness.

On “The Chump,” the Dunder Mifflin crew prepares to comfort Michael’s soon-to-be broken heart after learning that he has been dating a married woman. The staff stockpiles Eagles ice cream flavors – Desperadough and Cake it to the Limit sound simply delicious – along with private screenings of those cinematic classics “Mr. Bean” and “The Pink Panther.”

The staff, however, is stunned to find out that their boss isn’t wallowing, but seems to be reveling in being the mistress.

Since he won’t admit to continuing to see Donna, Jim and Pam take the risky gambit of offering the most uninspired dinner invitation ever. They offer Hooters to Go and Billy Joel Rock Band, and still Michael says no, which proves without a doubt that he still is cheating.

Michael explains to his staff that Scranton is considered the Paris of Northeastern  Pennsylvania, and in Paris, it’s rude for a woman to have fewer than four lovers. He then offers excuse No. 2, explaining that Donna’s husband is a “scummy sports guy,” a high school baseball coach who’s probably into dogfighting, drugs and even spitting. It’s an obvious conclusion Michael came to after watching “Real Sports with Bryant Gumball.”

Jim and Pam, meanwhile, are exhausted from a lack of sleep while Erin can’t understand why they keep their newborn awake all night long. Caught napping by Gabe, Jim and Pam are called into his office, where he gives them a severe tongue-lashing and then tortures them with discussion of a branching decision tree.

Andy, a self-described cuckold, tries to make Michael feel guilty by pointing out that, in movies, the heroes always are the person who’s being cheated on.

“You’re Ali Larter and I’m Beyonce,” Andy says, citing another recent cinematic classic, “Obsessed.”

Michael rejects the assertion, saying “I’m always Beyonce” and agrees to go with Andy to Donna’s husband’s baseball game, where he may just punch the jerk in the nose “for what he’s making me do to her.”

Dwight and Angela decide to bring in a mediator to settle their dispute over their child-rearing contract. Learning he would owe Angela $30,000 in damages – and not willing to dig up his backyard to retrieve such cash – Dwight quickly agrees to five, um, “meetings” with Angela.

Determined to fulfill his contract without actually, you know, fulfilling his contract, Dwight goes old-school with contraceptive measures, painfully utilizing a microwave, drumsticks, phone book and bicycle seat.

At the baseball game, Andy shows his knowledge of the sport – “It’s like cricket, right?” – and introduces Shane to Michael, aka Sheldon. Michael is thrilled to meet the man whose wife he is sleeping with, comparing himself to “James Freakin’ Bond.”

Michael returns to the office, renewed with a zest for life and determined to do whatever the damn well he pleases. He refuses to restock paper in the printer. He eats other people’s birthday cake. He makes new admirers in Creed and Ryan, who tries to emulate him, but simply can’t pull it off.

“You’ll learn, baby,” Michael tells his protege. “You’ll learn.”

Michael leaves to meet Donna at a motel because motels are dirty and sexy. En route, he finds he can’t go through with it and does the proper and honorable thing by breaking up with her … through a text message.

Back at the office, he dives into Eagles ice cream and explains that “it was either living with myself or being happy. And I picked … the … former.”

It wasn’t so stunning that Michael made the right decision. What was stunning is that he didn’t say he picked “the farmer.”

Not a great episode, but it did have a few laugh-out-loud scenes, in particular Kevin quoting “No Country for Old Men,” Andy admitting to being “gay for baseball” and Jim and Pam subjected to Dwight and Angela completing their, um, transaction.

Michael already is running into problems with girlfriend Donna (second from left).

Michael Scott has been called a lot of things in his life.

Buffoon. Bonehead. Blowhard. … And so on and so forth …

Mistress? Well, that’s definitely a first.

A relatively predictable episode of “The Office,” had an interesting twist in the final minute when Michael learned he is, in fact, The Other Man.

In “The Cover-up,” Michael is thrilled with how his relationship is going with adult arcade manager Donna, bragging that they are clicking on every level, leaving him struggling to focus on his job, which he doesn’t seem have a problem with.

He calls a special meeting of staff to help him solve his current crisis, namely finding something for he and his Pilates-Butt girlfriend to do other than having sex. Dwight suggests the always-fun eel fishing while Meredith points out that in the Poconos they have heart-shaped Jacuzzis that have room enough for three, a fact we all surely could have done without.

Michael says he already has been to the Poconos with Donna, which raises a red flag with Kelli, who points out that Ryan took her out of town so as to avoid the other girl he was dating at the time.

Michael being Michael, his paranoia quickly takes over as he announces he simply “can’t stay in a relationship full of lies and deceit!”

So, what’s a guy to do? Why hire Dwight to follow her, of course!

Meanwhile, Andy takes a call from a customer who tells him their Sabre printer caught on fire. He tells Gabriel about the call, which Darryl overhears and jumps at the opportunity to get back at Andy after waiting two years for his chance.

Darryl enlists the help of Creed to mess with Andy. Creed, in return, receives three bucks from Darryl, but the joke is on Darryl, aka Darnell, as Creed said he would have done it for anything and that he’s “done a lot more for a lot less.”

Darryl videotapes Andy as he tests out a printer – even getting him to talk like Mrs. Doubtfire – and is stunned when the printer, in fact, does start smoking. A spooked Darryl promises to not prank anymore, but to just stay in his room and occasionally leave to go to church.

At the health club, Dwight makes his move on Donna, demonstrating the impressive strength of his inner thighs.

Back at the office, Michael takes comfort in a bowl of mayonnaise and black olives as Pam points out that he torpedoes every relationship he’s ever been in, including the one he had with Helene, Pam’s mom, which apparently had a very big impact on Michael’s life.

Dwight tells a relieved Michael that Donna isn’t cheating, but admits he spilled the beans to her. Cornered by Donna, Michael blames his paranoia on his staff, which “poisoned my mind.”

Donna forgives him and suggests a trip to Vero Beach, which Michael calls “Vair-oh Beach” and asks if it is near water. I’d think that joke is funny, but I live in Royal Palm Beach, which, if you know the area, isn’t exactly “on the water” although there are a couple man-made lakes in my gated community.

Tipped off by Donna’s heart-shaped earrings, a perceptive Pam does some detective work of her own and finds through a Facebook friend of a friend proof that Donna, in fact, is cheating.

Presented with the evidence, Michael confronts Donna and learns, surprisingly, that the love of his, um, past few weeks is, in fact, married, which makes Michael the mistress.

So how do you think Michael will react to the news? Will he do the honorable thing and break up with Donna, or will he keep up the fling? Will Darryl really stop pranking? Will Andy really blow the roof off Sabre?

Michael continues to struggle to figure out Donna.

Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor will not be denied.

Neither will Michael Scott, no matter how many times he’s told no.

In “Body Language,” Kelly takes her first step toward becoming the “Indian Julia Roberts,” while Michael somehow gets the girl despite breaking nearly every rule of decorum and decency.

The episode opens with Michael trying to learn Spanish in preparation for his upcoming trip to Cancun. Despite an office full of genitalia Post-it notes, he struggles to pick up the language of “our neighbors to the south.” It’s especially heartbreaking when he proudly announces to Oscar “that’s what he says.”

Donna, the restaurant manager who Michael met a few episodes back, arrives in the office to buy some equipment. He hijacks the sales pitch of Jim and Pam – AKA the wonder twins – by showing Donna a subtle slide show featuring a “crisp gorgeous black,” Tom Selleck and descriptive subliminal words.

Donna seems genuinely interested in Michael, although his practically licking a mint out of her hand does maybe cross a line. Watching the couple, Phyllis defends Donna by saying that some people can’t help but ooze sexuality. Creed helpfully points out that you can only ooze two things – sexuality and pus.

You can always count on Creed for at least one thought-provoking-yet-creepy observation each week.

While the consensus of the staff is that Donna is a big flirt, using Michael to get a better deal, Pam is slow to come around before agreeing that “Miss Boob Shirt” is just not into Michael.

Meanwhile, the Sabre flunky is trying to talk Darryl into applying for the company’s “Print in all Colors” minority executive training program. Dwight cites his credentials for the program – glasses wearer, cholera survivor, nonorganic family farmer – but he’s shut down.

Seeing Darryl as a possible threat, Dwight turns to Kelly, the malleable simpleton he can buy for a few fashion magazines. He points out the injustices she faces as a minority, telling her that cops pull her over because she’s Indian, not because she is Driving While Texting.

A suddenly power hungry Kelly uses authentic clothing and a well-placed dot to strengthen her candidacy and ultimately is rewarded.

Personally, I was pulling for Hide Tohsi Hasagawa, but, alas, it wasn’t meant to be for our favorite former heart surgeon No. 1.

After she gets what she wanted, Kelly simultaneously hugs and threatens Dwight, the unlucky puppet master who just can’t catch a break.

Speaking of a break, Erin finds Donna’s barrette that she left behind and Michael rushes to return it, only to find she is waiting for him in the parking lot, where she tells him he was right all along.

Back in the office, a beaming Michael announces that “he did it,” but, of course, no one believes him.

So what did you think of the episode? Do you think Michael and Donna have a future? Do you think Kelly ultimately will take over the office? If she does, will she stay with Ryan or will she drop him to be with Mose?

Several news sources are reporting that Steve Carell stated he thinks that 2011 will be his last year on The Office. Both E! Online and Zap2It are discussing Carell’s BBC Radio interview for his and Tina Fey’s new film Date Night, where Carell talked about The Office.

The Office fansite OfficeTally reported the following exchange:

At the end of the interview, Steve is asked about The Office:

Question: How long will you stay with The Office for? How many more series? How long does your contract run?

Steve: Contract through next season.

Question: And will you stay after that?

Steve: I don’t think so. I think that will probably be my last year.

E! Online reports that a source with the show said Carell’s interview might be a negotiating ploy, but it’s unlikely.

What could be worse than having your mannerisms, speech patterns and eating habits compared to a blue-colored, bug-eyed muppet with a serious cookie addiction?

Michael Scott could call you a rube.

Now that would be embarrassing for most people. But, of course, Erin Hannon isn’t like most people. If she were, she wouldn’t be dating Andy Bernard and she certainly wouldn’t handle stressful situations by retreating into her own hair.

But I’m getting ahead of myself …

“Secretary’s Day” opens with Dunder Mifflin employees laughing at Oscar’s viral video comparing Kevin with the Cookie Monster, which even tickles Ice Queen Angela, who joyously proclaims “this is my favorite day!” Celebrating his three-week anniversary with Erin, Andy encourages coworkers to bring her gifts for Secretary’s Day, which they do, including a generous bushel of beets from Dwight. Andy also encourages Michael to take Erin out to lunch.

Michael resists at first, but gives in, enduring thought-provoking questions about what decade he would have liked to have been a teenager during and how many pillows he sleeps on.

Erin tells her boss about her past job history, confessing to having struggled to keep up after the Taco Bell Express she worked at became a full Taco Bell.

Because Michael is admittedly the guy “who can’t and won’t keep a secret,” he lets slip that Andy used to be engaged to Angela, which stuns Erin and leads to her hair breakdown.

While coworkers continue to joke at Kevin’s expense, he becomes more and more annoyed, saying that “in a strange way, it’s like they are making fun of me.” He takes his complaint to Sabre flunky Gabriel, who handles it like most Dunder Mifflin employees do – by overreacting.

He suspends Pam, Jim and Dwight all for two days, and then after being told by corporate that he can’t do that, he tries to save face by forcing them to apologize, which only Dwight takes to heart in typical Dwight creepy fashion.

Dwight also volunteers to help Pam relieve some, um, chest buildup, telling her it “will traumatize me a hell of a lot more than it will traumatize you.”

I grew up on a farm in Iowa and although my parents didn’t have dairy cattle, my best friend’s family did and, believe me from my time spent on their farm, the milking of cows never required the application of liquid hand soap and no one in the family bragged they could take care of a cow “with just three squeezes.”

Thankfully, for Pam, she finds her breast pump, but is appalled when she catches Meredith getting, well, a bit too friendly with the device.

Which is wrong, so very wrong on so very many levels ….

After Erin confronts Andy, he confesses to his past relations with Angela, which leaves Erin and Angela sick to their stomaches.

Erin tells him she can’t believe him anymore, wondering if his name isn’t Andy Bernard but is, in fact, Lionel Frankenstein. He assures her that his name is real and tells her he’s told her everything except for the fact that his chest isn’t naturally hairless and that his parents pay his credit card bill.

With Erin still upset, Michael tries to cheer her up by favorably comparing her to Angela, who, he points out, wears pioneer woman’s clothing and probably has never pooped.

Kevin, meanwhile, gets back at Oscar by cleverly comparing him to The Count, which makes perfect sense in Kevin’s World because Oscar wears purple, just like The Count.

After a three-week hiatus, “Secretary’s Day” was one of the better episodes of what has been an uneven season. To be honest, because the show has been so hit and miss of late, I really wasn’t looking forward to the return of the show all that much, but now am looking forward to another new episode next week, hoping “The Office” can continue its newfound momentum.

In the meantime, I think I’ll check out “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.” For some reason, and I can’t figure out exactly why, I have an overcoming desire to see that movie.

Oh, and I’m also craving cookies …