Who knew that bland pasta salad and nasty-looking shrimp would make the most exciting, double-talking, judge-cheftestant smackdown so far on this season of “Top Chef: Las Vegas?”

Last night, Preeti, Laurine and Mike “The Bad Mike” Isabella passionately tried to defend a couple of haphazard, sad looking dishes whose ickiness you could taste from your living room, giving it their most eloquent, informed, dogged try.

Padma and the gang were having none of it.

And it was kind of awesome.

The cheftestants had to make a dinner for Air Force personnel and their families at Vegas’ Air Force Base, home of the Thunderbirds air squadron. The catch – and there’s always a catch – is that they had to use the ingredients they were given, in a woefully lacking kitchen without a burner, and, apparently, pots, utensils and food.

(And is it just me, or do you ever get the idea that somewhere, Padma is standing behind an observation booth, intoning, in her best Folgers Crystals commercial voice, “We have replaced the cheftestant’s normal kitchen with a fire pit, a soggy matchbook, a Yoohoo, a smushed-up bag of Fritos and instructions to make a four-course dinner. Let’s see them completely lose it”?)

The cheftestants were told that they were being judged as one team, but decided themselves to pair off to make their dishes. Some of the pairings were perfect – Old friends Mike V. and Bad Mike, Southerners Eli and Kevin, and talented cutey-cutes Bryan and Mattin, Bob’s French Big Boy. And others were just sort of sad, like Ron and Jesse, who nobody picked and were left standing alone. Like the cheese.

Fortunately, Ron and Jesse were able to combine their bottom-of-the-barrelism into something weirdly inspired – clam chowder that all the other chefs were sure would be a disaster, as you don’t normally eat clam chowder on a hot Vegas day. But, as Ron said, “Those troops, man, they love chowder!”

This is something I never knew about the troops, but Ron is lucky it was true, because Homey was probably entering the golden years of his ninth life on this show. The troops also loved Eli and Kevin’s pork shoulder and potato salad, Ash and Ashley’s bread pudding, and Bryan and French Big Boy’s beef with caulifower gratin (yummmm). But they weren’t feeling Preeti and Laurine’s pasta salad – and I don’t blame them, because it looks like something I’ve thrown together on those mornings where I remember I’m supposed to make something for an office party and all I’ve got is pasta and salad. I am Top Thrower-Together, not Top Chef. For shame.

The shocker was Mike Isabella, who’s still getting the villain edit, and who had one of the top-ranked dishes with the pork belly he did with Mike V. Unfortunately, he tried to get cute by making an extra dish, the aforementioned undercooked shrimp and sad Greek salad that was so veiny it needed support hose. (Did he learn nothing from Ashley’s scolding last week for making an extra dish so bad it nearly made the judges forget her good one? Apparently not.)

The awesomeness came in watching these accomplished, well-spoken professionals trying to weasel out of responsibility for stinking so bad. Neither Preeti or Laurine would admit that it was their idea to make pasta salad, even though head judge Tom Colicchio grilled them like a father trying to get to the bottom of just who borrowed his car without asking. And Padma, who often annoys me by yelling at the chefs like she’s their equal, which she is not, was fairly righteous in her snippery last night. When Bad Mike snapped that he had made a great dish with Mike V., Padma snapped back “Nobody told you to make this one.”

Score one for the model!

Preeti was especially weaselly, trying to throw Jesse and Ron’s chowder under the Judge Bus, even though neither Jesse or Ron were standing there about to get booted. Then she whined about the canned ingredients, only to be reminded that everybody had the same crappy stuff to work with. And when Laurine admitted that, for a moment, she was just trying to get stuff done and forgot about the competition, Padma just lost it. What was even funnier was that Laurine immediately wanted to take it back.

Whoopsie!

I would’ve booted her just for that outburst, but Preeti and her excuses ultimately made the long walk off the booting pier. This is becoming one of my favorite seasons, because it’s again about the food, and not about hating some over-the-top Marcel or Hung. Delicious.