Hey, “American Idol” fans! When you buy tickets for this summer’s “American Idols Live!” tour, these are the singers you’re going to spend the evening with! Hope you like ‘em!
Usher is our R&B mentor as the Idols bring soul to the stage. Umm…I’m not sure how that’s gonna work with some of these people, but I got nothing but time, blog space and kosher wine (Happy Passover!), so bring it. He promises to be critical, and warns the singerlings that he might hurt their feelings a little if it means getting to the truth. I wonder if anyone’s gonna cry. Or punch him in the face and break his sunglasses. Guy, Corey Hart left the building 26 years ago. You can take the sunglasses off now.
Ryan takes some time to actually interview Usher about his album, live, and I wonder why everyone doesn’t get this sort of treatment. Interviewer Seacrest is the best Seacrest. This will be the best he gets all night.
Siobhan: Usher tells her he never would have thought she’d have that wonderful voice with which she is belting Chaka Khan’s “Through The Fire.” He also tells her, politely, to stop rocking Pippi Longstocking at the Coffee House. So instead, she’s here, live, channeling the cast of “Rome” at Lilith Fair. She doesn’t come close to hitting all of the notes, but she does something that most singers will tell you is harder than the money notes – she can sustain looooong notes, flawlessly, and digs into her gut and gives it. The judges tell her as much, and you can tell that Simon is so over this show. He’s had it with the booing, with Seacrest snapping back at him. He just wants to do his job, which is tell the kids what he thinks is gonna help them or hurt them, and then have them get out of his face and just let him drink his darned Coke, because what do you people want from him? Maybe a little more compassion? Whatever, Simon seems to be saying. That’s what Ellen’s for.
Casey: The blues are about soul, so Ponytail should have something interesting. And he does – Sam and Dave’s “Hold On, I’m Coming.” Usher’s impressed, and so am I, but then again, this is firmly in Casey’s wheelhouse. You know he’s known how to play this song since he was, like 17, so rather than come into this going “Holy Hecuba, what do I pull out of my butt?” he’s just perfecting it. He better blow this thing sky high…and he sort of does. I wanted it to be more urgent, more pumping, like the original. The guy is singing “Don’t worry about the crisis erupting in your life, because I’m there to save you.” This oughta be surging. And by the end, it is. Ellen thinks it’s a little safe, though, but I think she’s crazy. This is what he does. He’s not gonna pick an old blues song, just to prove that he can do something else? He’s old blues guy! It’s like inviting Babe Ruth to a home run derby and asking him to bunt, just to keep it fresh. Simon’s right – it’s one of his strongest weeks.
Big Mike: Here’s a zig-when-you-expect-a-zag moment, because you’d think that Big Mike would pull another Percy Sledge moment, but instead he’s doing india.arie’s “Ready For Love,” which is more on the Philly neo soul tip. It’s a gorgeous, understated song, and he brings all the control, maturity and calm to it that he wouldn’t appear to have when he’s being a big old showboat. He’s got what Siobhan has, with the perfect control, but even more sure. That was a performance you’d pay to see, that you’d buy on iTunes. He’s ready. Simon says it best – he’s demonstrated the difference between “having a moment and being a silly little karaoke singer.” Oh, I hope Simon’s driver is keeping the car running, because the minute this show is over, he’s grabbing that Coke cup and fleeing. I’d get out the way if I were in the aisle, because he’s not stopping. Sorry, Grandma.
Didi: Didn’t love her “What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted,” because she never felt sure of the notes. I got the searching and the loneliness, but it never connected. She got emotional with Usher during her mentoring, and he seemed to be thinking “Calm down, little one. It’s not a tragedy.” Simon says it’s old-fashioned, off-melody and just wrong. He’s a little harsh, but it’s nothing like the outright Barbara Walters Special-style flogging Seacrest gives her when he tries to get her to explain why the song moves her so much. She tries to sidestep it, to just say that she loves it and did what she could with it, but Seacrest won’t let it go. He finally says that she sang it to someone significant at some point, and that he’ll leave it at that. But it’s clear he doesn’t want to leave it at that, and he doesn’t sound benevolent and discreet when he says that – he just sounds like he backed her into a corner with a steamroller and is just resigned that he’s not gonna get anything else out of her. And then he does the most cowardly thing after the break – he notes that she’s all emotional, but doesn’t acknowledge that he practically poked her with a stick. Ugh.
Tim: He’s looking particular Zac Efron-ish today, as he lays his version of Anita Baker’s “Sweet Love” on Usher. Usher basically tells him that if he was singing to a woman, she’d throw up her hands and walk out because it wasn’t believable. To be helpful, Usher offers up himself as a fake lady to sing to. Tim’s not feeling that, and it’s clear by the time he sings that he hasn’t found another lady to sing to. Because man, is it bad. It’s so bad. It’s Bad’s big brother, come to the playground to pick a fight with anyone who messes with his bro. Simon has, perhaps, the night’s best criticism, that in cases like Tim’s, criticism means nothing. Tim’s gonna pick any weird song he wants, no matter what the suggestions are, and the folks who dig his fresh-faced self are gonna vote for him anyway. This is good for Tim. But not for music. We should not be giving “At least you were mostly on pitch” as a compliment at this stage in the game. There’s a national tour on the line, Son. Being on pitch should be one of the basic requirements of even getting in the door. Fail.
Andrew: Uh-oh. Chris Brown’s “Forever.” I can not tell you how many people suggested I have my wedding party boogie down the aisle to this, YouTube style, and how many of them seemed insulted when I was like “That’s the worst idea I ever heard.” Would I feel differently if it was just from a tape one co-worker had shown me from their cousin’s wedding in Boston and not a big Internet sensation, which instantly makes it insincere and cheesy if I copied it? Maybe. But that was still never gonna happen. Andrew, however, is not resting on cliche – he makes it his acoustic own. Good for him. But not good on Ryan, still heady from having made Didi cry, who tries to start a fight between Simon and Andrew’s mother, who Ryan calls “Mamacita.” Oh…and now we’re on to the ethnic stereotypes. Seacrest, you’re on a roll…down a hill where some angry people are waiting to bank you in the parking lot, as we used to say.
Katie: I am not looking forward to her “Chain Of Fools,” because almost no one does this song well on this show. But I am pleasantly surprised by her power, control and ability to make this more than a karaoke run through. She hits all the notes. She takes a running leap up that hill and lands on the moon. I liked it. Ellen likes her Snooki poof. Kara thinks she’s an R&B pop star but needs to keep it commercial. Simon thinks that’s ridiculous. I think it’s confusing to advise teenagers to be commercial, because that might seem to conflict with the advice they get to be authentic. Those two things don’t always go together, you know?
Lee: He’s doing “Treat Her Like A Lady” by the Cornelius Brothers. I wish he’d do some Blood Sweat and Tears, because he’s got that voice. I think it’s amazing, with a fluid, bluesy edge. But I’m steeled to hear that the judges just didn’t get it, because that’s sometimes what happens to Lee. He’ll sing his heart out, and Simon will go “Oh, Lee. You sing like you don’t like yourself and you have no personality and might as well be named Milk Q. Toast.” But…they agree with me? What’s going on with that? Simon says that when he watches it back, he’ll realize that this is the night his life changed forever. I don’t know – you recall that sometimes Simon comes back on Wednesday and says “I watched your performance back last night, and I was completely wrong. You weren’t all that.”
Crystal: Usher and Crystal are on the same page – she should put the guitar down and play the piano on “Midnight Train To Georgia,” which is my favorite song ever and something that the girls on this show usually get wrong. They’re just singing words in a song, and Gladys is ripping her heart out. Crystal, of course, can make an oldie seem like something she penned in her tear-stained journal on a bumpy box car ten minutes ago. She looks so sweet, young and vulnerable when she gets up from the piano, and so very classic and pretty. She’s proven it, ladies and gents. She’s proven that she’s not just Lilith. She’s an artist. This may be my favorite thing she’s ever done. Simon’s only issue is that the process and the advice she gets might suck her personality away. She promises that won’t happen, and she’s secure enough as an artist that she can probably make that happen.
Aaron: He’s doing “Ain’t No Sunshine.” Usher wants him to nail the “I know, I know, I know” part, because that’s when the singer is saying “I am aware that this is probably a bad idea, but this person is my whole world, so save your advice, because it’s too late.” I’m not crazy about the first couple of notes – it’s a little unsure. But he get better. Not much better. But some. Meh. That’s the sort of song you shouldn’t try unless you can nail it and he didn’t.
I would send Aaron or Tim home, but for some reason I’m worried about Andrew, even though he was great this week. What do you think?
