We know, we know. We left off “The Monster Mash” and “Ghostbusters” and — gasp! — “Thriller.” But these are the 20 songs that really freak out our music writers and critics.
Artist: Alice Cooper
Song: “Welcome To My Nightmare”
Why it scares us: Two words: Vincent Price! His narration on this Alice Cooper song is much better than his more famous turn on Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” He plays a man showing off his display of poisonous spiders and taking a shivery pride in one creepy-crawler: “And here, my prize, the Black Widow. Isn’t she lovely? And so deadly. Her kiss is fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake. You see her venom is highly neuro-toxic, which is to say that it attacks the central nervous system causing intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions and, finally…death.” Yikes!
Artist: Bernard Herrmann
Song: “Psycho” theme
Why it scares us: The slashing strings conjure up all sorts of unsavory images from the Alfred Hitchcock classic: Creepy Bates Motel, Norman peeking through the keyhole, Janet Leigh taking her shower, the curtain being thrown back suddenly and…Mother!!!
Artist: The Beatles
Song: “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”
Why it scares us: Would you want some weird little Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine, sneaking up behind you and bashing out your brains with a silver hammer? We didn’t think so.
Artist: The Police
Song: “Every Breath You Take”
Why it scares us: OK, on one hand, the idea of Sting checking us out. Flattering. But obsessively watching and watching and counting every breath we take and every move we make: Stalker!
Artist: Screaming Jay Hawkins
Title: “I Put A Spell On You”
Why it scares us: Because it’s about putting a spell on people, and that’s never good. Especially by a guy named Jay who is screaming at you.
Artist: Bobbie Gentry
Title: “Ode To Billy Joe”
Why it scares us: Who isn’t freaked out by not knowing what Billy Joe and the narrator threw off the Tallahatchee Bridge? Was it a baby? A body? His draft card? Jimmy Hoffa?
Artist: Tommy James and the Shondells
Title: “Crimson and Clover”
Why it scares us: That whole ending: “Uh-ooo-ooh-vetta and uh-ooo-ooh-vetta.” One minute, it’s all clover and crimson, the next…Is he being attacked, or having a really bad flashback?
Artist: Metallica
Song: “Enter Sandman”
Why it scares us: This is not “Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.” Unless it’s a nightmare: Sinister riffs and Hetfield’s guttural vocals offer up a collection of imagery that brings the horror of Der Sandman into hard focus. And he ain’t the cutest thing that you’ve ever seen.
Artist: The Platters
Song: “Twilight Time”
Why it scares us: Ever since that X-Files episode written by Stephen King, we’ve never been able to hear the lyrics, “Heavenly shades of night are falling/It’s twilight time” in a romantic way again.
Artist: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Song: “Red Right Hand”
Why it scares us: He’s the devil, man! And “you’re one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan, designed and directed by his red right hand.” By the way, nobody should have a red hand, right or left.
Artist: Talking Heads
Song: “Psycho Killer”
Why it scares us: Because nothing is creepier than being stalked by a serial killer…in French! Run, run, run away! Now!
Artist: Mike Oldfield
Song: “Tubular Bells (Theme From The Exorcist”)
Why it scares us: Because right this minute we are thinking of Linda Blair’s head turning round…and round…and it’s not going to stop turning, is it?
Artist: Richard Marx
Song: “Hazzard”
Why it scares us: The song’s protagonist swears that he left the now-dead Mary alive, by the river, but its general creepiness and video suggest otherwise. We think he totally killed that girl! (Also see “Down By The River,” Neil Young.)
Artist: Paul Anka
Song: “Having My Baby”
Why it scares us: Because the sentiment that having your baby is a great way to say you love me, rather than that we’re in a committed relationship in which we can give a child a great life, is scarily misogynistic. And this is supposed to be a love song?
Artist: Classics IV
Song: Spooky
Why it scares us: Well, consider this: “Just like a ghost, you’ve been a-hauntin’ my dreams, so I’ll propose… on Halloween.” Don’t put a ring on it, ladies!
Artist: The Toadies
Song: “Possum Kingdom”
Why it scares us: Because it ends with the refrain “Do you want to die?” Uh, no.
Artist: The Chambers Brothers
Song: Time Has Come Today
Why it scares us: This actually happened to a friend of ours — in his youth, he was up late listening to a classic rock station, and the record got stuck on this song, right as the brothers were shouting “Time!” and the tempo was slowing down. Now, usually, this song isn’t scary, but if it’s skipping like this — “Time! Tick! Tick! Tick! Time! Tick! Tick! Tick!” — over and over, that’s scary.
Artist: Stone Temple Pilots
Song: “Plush”
Why it scares us: “When the dogs begin to smell her“ – we don’t think that needs much explanation.
Artist: Stealers Wheel
Song: “Stuck in the Middle With You”
Why it scares us: If you saw “Reservoir Dogs” and recall a certain scene, you’ll know why.
Artist: John Williams
Song: Theme music from “Jaws”
Why it scares us: Open water + two notes, repeated + thoughts of shark = instant heebee jeebees!
— By staff writers Leslie Gray Streeter, Staci Sturrock, Jonathan Tully, Shaun Flagg and Larry Aydlette.
