Now I know how Al Gore must have felt.

In a stunning (to me) result, the Swirl Girls narrowly defeated the Barley Boys in Saturday's Beer vs Wine Challenge at Cooks Inc. of Abacoa. Initial polling reports tell us the voting was very close, but that the wine was the winner in 3 out of the 4 courses. I would like to congratulate the SG's on a robust and valiant effort in this competition.

But I am not willing to concede just yet.

Let me stress these are preliminary results which must be poured over and closely examined by my team of attorneys, who are at this moment flying in from all parts of the country and will parachute from their planes before setting up our Contest Challenge Crisis Center. There is compelling circumstantial evidence of irregularities in the process indicating something may have been amiss in this contest right from the start. For example:

1. The event was held in Palm Beach County. Hello!!?? 2. A former PBC elections official was allegedly seen at the Post when the ballots were created. (I KNEW it!) 3. Several senior citizen voters at Cook's Inc. wrote in "Pat Buchanan" as the winner of all 4 courses. 4. Many beer lovers waited a long time before receiving their samples, while the wines were poured first. Some were never able to cast their votes! 5. The Swirl Girls may have used subtle Jedi mind tricks to influence the voting.

These are just some of the disturbing allegations we've received in the days following this momentus contest, and we can make...come up with more in the next couple of days as our investigation intensifies. Let me stress I am not making any specific accusations against ANY of the Swirl Girls at this point in time, (just implying them) and assert the Barley Boys may have good reason to whine about these results.

In fact, according to MY taste buds, the beer was the clear winner in 3 of the 4 delicious courses served, and my taste buds don't lie my friends. Chef John Carlino of Cooks Inc. and team did a fabulous job explaining and preparing each course, and if you haven't been to this place yet, make a reservation today. It is seriously good food.

But don't count us out just yet!