And it wasn't even his audition.

“Where were you when it all started?” a sober placard at  the beginning of “American Idol”‘s first episode of 2012 asked? Well, ten years ago, when the then-crazy sounding talent show started, I was in my living room in York, Pa., asking my roommate “Are you watching this?”

Yeah, she was, and 10 years later that crazy talent show has become one of the things people ask me the most about, besides whether I am Macy Gray. Which I still am not.

So now I sit in my living room in Lake Worth, 10 years older, and find that, just like in “Dazed and Confused,” I keep getting older and the contestants stay the same age. Actually, they seem like zygotes. Tiny singing showbiz zygotes. David Leathers, Jr., or as his friends call him “Mr. Steal Your Girl” (?), is the first one we see in Savannah. He’s wearing sunglasses and a tie, and his confidence, and boast to have won against last year’s winner Scotty McCreary in a previous competition, means he’s either the best thing ever or a sad singing shame.

And…he’s fabulous. Good for you, Zygote in a Tie.  In an unrelated note, Steven’s theme for today seems to be Cross Dressing Pimp. It’s an odd choice, but we salute you for your commitment. And I think I have that lipstick.
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We all know that Simon Cowell’s boasts about how the American version of “The X Factor” was gonna eat “American Idol”‘s lunch and then hit it in the head with its own lunchpail didn’t quite come to fruition, ratings-wise, but the show certainly maintained a viewership and, most importantly, a pop culture buzz.

Are you ready for some "Idol?"

So as Cowell’s old show returns to FOX for its season opener, one wonders (well, at least this one does) whether it can keep its own ratings excitement going this year, without some new twists. (I would like to propose Exile Island, where they exile JLo and keep her there until she can stop self-promoting and give a daggone straight criticism after Hollywood Week.) But as far as I know, it’s status quo, with the same judges, same host and same Clown Town auditions – for you newbies to my “Idol” blogs, that’s my name for the early city auditions when idiots show up dressed as kung fu chickens or what have you. I find it awful filler, and I don’t love watching delusional idiots with over-indulgent parents losing their crap on TV. I can see that in the food court in the Boca Mall.

Also, I wonder what the fact of “The Voice” will do to “Idol” – I love the former show because they’ve already narrowed the field to the people who can legitimately sing and those who sing even better. We don’t have to deal with the idiots. I know some people like that because it works for “Idol.” But “The Voice” and its success has shown that some also like just focusing on the excitement of weeding the most talented from the talent pool.

So … what do you guys think? You watching it this year?

The entertainment gods giveth, and then taketh away: 2010 “American Idol” runner-up Crystal Bowersox got axed from her record label this week, but she made her acting debut last night on ABC’s “Body of Proof.” The dreadlocked blues lady played Zoe, an incarcerated single mother with a drug history caught up in the murder of a rich horseswoman whose equestrian program Zoe was involved in.

And – surprise – she’s great! Crystal has told reporters that she was mad nervous about the role – but star Dana Delany says she’s a natural, and I have to agree. There’s a scene where Zoe’s maternal instinct comes into play, and either Crystal’s natural mothering kicked in or she’s a genius, because she made me cry. And I am not a crier under normal network television circumstances unless there’s a military funeral or puppies involved.

So even if this big record company thing doesn’t work out for her – and I believe Crystal’s gracious comments about appreciating even the 200,000 records that her “Farmer’s Daughter” release sold – she’s got some acting chops. Also, B.B. King loves her. So, there’s that.

I just got a press release confirming rumors that Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson would all be re-upping for duty on the “American Idol” judging panel. And unless somebody lights a fire under their wishy-washy butts and demand they change some things, it’s gonna be a looooong season.

If you read this blog, you might remember that I was initially excited about the trio’s fresh approach and sassiness during last season’s audition rounds. They were everything I wanted them to be – funny, compassionate, direct and in full possession of their musical faculties – in other words, they knew how to be blunt without being cruel, and seemed to base most of their decisions on actual talent. And they were unashamed about using their own musical expertise in their reasoning.

But then the season’s live shows started, and they completely screwed it up. Suddenly, they were lobbing big fat critical softballs, burying every bit of justified criticism in layers of “But I love your hair!” or “I still love you!” And then they reserved any real criticism for just one or two contestants, like Haley, leaving the others bathed in insecurity and maddening hyberbole.

In other words – they sucked as judges. Pretty hair? Yeah, J.Lo and Steven are champs at that. But being really useful? Suckage.

And now they’re back to suck some more. Unless:

- They can get used to risking “looking nice”: One of the issues I had with two current artists being on this show in the first place was that they’d be afraid to be real, less it cheese off their fans. And I think that because they’re human, they lost their nerve once they started getting to know these kids, and they didn’t want to hurt any feelings. But you know who will hurt their feelings? Critics. And the public who wants good music, not the work product of coddled kids who are never made to have self-awareness about any of their flaws. Take a breath. Everyone needs reality sometimes. Even nice cute kids.

— Jimmy Iovine joins the panel: He’s sorta nutty, but the producer, who runs the rehearsals and gives advice to the singers before their performances, pulls no punches about telling you the truth as he sees it. If he doesn’t like your song choice, you know it. If he thinks you’re not hitting the notes, he’ll tell you. He doesn’t want to put out a crappy product more than anyone else, and to protect the brand, he’s less concerned about protecting little feelings. We need him at that table.

What do you think?

Taylor Hicks in the kitchen of Dirty Martini, giving a quiet interview. You can't see the fans outside the door looking for him.

Six years after winning “American Idol,” Taylor Hicks is still a very popular guy. This was evidenced Wednesday night at new Downtown at the Gardens spot Dirty Martini,  in the (largely female) crowd, some of whom waited for hours outside the club to get a prime spot at the bar for his performance. It was also proved by the salt-and-pepper-haired singer’s inability to go two feet without some (probably female) fan pulling him in for a photo or a hug.

“Yes, fanaticism can be a good thing,” Hicks said jokingly, safely tucked away in the bar’s kitchen – literally the only place to do a quiet interview without some fan trying to get his attention. He was joking, but as a longtime “American Idol” critic I can safely say that no finalist on the show, besides maybe Clay Aiken, has a more loyal or protective fan base – If they even suspect you’re trying to diss their boy, even when you’re totally not, you get six emails sticking up for him.

“I am very appreciative of (them). They’ve embraced and built upon the things I’ve done as an artist, and given me momentum to build on,” said the singer, who at 34 is now growing into his prematurely gray hair. He’s also disarmingly handsome, even more so in person than on TV.

Hicks was there to do a short set of soul and blues covers, including “Two Trains Running” by the Doobie Brothers and a blistering harmonica solo on Stevie Wonder’s “Superstitions.” (One of my only complaints is that his backing band played as many songs before he got onstage as he did with them. I didn’t come to see them. Then again, I wasn’t sure if it took him so long to get up there because of all the fan photos he was taking.)

He’s been busy – he’s working on a new album and is exploring scripted TV work that he can’t talk a lot about but is psyched about. This means he’s left the touring production of “Grease” in which he played the flamboyantly-dressed Teen Angel – “I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss Teen Angel’s costume,” he said, cheekily, “but my forte is more songwriting and performing. That’s where my comfort zone is. But this has allowed me to hang my hat on Broadway and allowed me to get into film.”

Hicks is also looking forward to that album, which he is currently writing, a follow-up to 2009′s “The Distance.” That one was released on his own label, after his self-named platinum debut in 2006. He says that he enjoys the “creative freedom of not being on a post-Idol win,” without the notorious control of the show’s 19 Entertainment.

“Six years later, I’ve still stayed current, whether there’s 200 people in the audience or 1700 or more,” he says.

He seemed to have those freedoms on his mind when asked about advice he would give to Lauren Alaina and winner Scotty McCreery, the young finalists from Season 10 – “I’d tell them to buy a Tempurpedic pillow, because they’re gonna be doing a lot of traveling,” he said, smiling, before adding that they both have a great opportunity ahead of them, no matter how their albums sell, and that they can use it as a platform.

“It can open a lot of doors,” he said.

Like kitchen doors that you have to open because of all your fans.

Yeah, yeah, I know that tonight’s Season 10 finale, featuring Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina, has been billed as “Country Idol.” Honestly, that’s no more genre-specific and polarizing than last year’s Lee/Crystal showdown, otherwise known as “Earnest Acoustic Idol.” And at least tonight, there’s a pretty good chance that both singers will always be in tune (Sorry, Lee) and act like they want to be there (You know it’s true, Crystal. Love your B.B. King ads, btw).

A lot of people have mistaken my lack of enthusiasm for a Lauren/Scotty finale for a dislike of country – and you couldn’t be more wrong (Hint: Two of my go-to karaoke songs are “Sin Wagon” by the Dixie Chicks and “You’ve Been Talking In Your Sleep” by Crystal Gayle). It’s not about genre, but about performance and maturity.

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Remember those “Final Destination” movies where some hot teens almost died in a horrible plane crash but narrowly cheated Death? And Death was like “Dude, that’s not gonna work for me?” and came back and killed them all anyway?

I was reminded of that situation last night when Casey Abrams, who narrowly avoided being booted several weeks ago when he got the Judges’ Save, wound up in the bottom spot on “American Idol’ again. Not only were there no more saves for him, but the general consensus seems to be that if the panel had known Pia was going to be in trouble at any point, there is no way he’d have gotten the save. So it’s sorta like “OK, it’s time. For real, this time. Seriously.”

Casey and his sweet little sincere Fraggle face represent one of my favorite factors of this show – that no one can predict who the frontrunners are gonna be, and any attempt to do so just makes you look silly. Casey looked like a comer, with his retro-wacky bass playing and tendency to pick songs that some of the other contestants probably have never heard of and his insane natural musicality. The problem is that he did the same thing every week, and after awhile the wackiness seemed telegraphed. I truly believe that he’s gifted – not just good but gifted. I also believe that he hasn’t even touched the edge of his creative powers, and that this sort of robo-performing is not conducive to his gifts.

I think he’ll be fine. He’ll get on some sort of jazz label and have a nice career. And can you imagine how good he’s gonna be in five years? In ten?

And in other news…Jacob Lusk…I hear the boot a-callin’, tossed salad and scrambled eggs. Quite stylish…like that jacket you were wearing Wednesday (I liked it, actually. You’re still going home soon.)

….kicking off the wrong person after he got better, in my opinion. A person whose name is going to be revealed after this SPOILER ALERT.

It’s Stefano. And phooey.

If this had happened a few weeks ago, I would get it. Scratch that – I still get him getting booted, because there are other singers with larger fan bases with a more defined genre. But he’s a cute boy, and don’t the girls who vote a gazillion times like cute boys? And…this is not a small point…he’s a great singer and had become so much more passionate. This apparently meant little for his future as an “American Idol” contestant, but hopefully will mean a lot for his career.

Good luck there, kid. Hope that by the time you come back for the finale, America hasn’t blocked out all memory of you and doesn’t go “Who?” like they did when Ashton showed up on Wednesday. Well, at least the part of America that lives in my house.

Observations:

- America broke James’ heart, too, by booting his buddy. He cried! I adore him even more.

- As I was fast-forwarding past the normal filler on the results show, I noticed the quickly moving fast-forwarded image of someone I thought might be Lady Gaga. But then I thought “There’s no way Gaga is doing this show, at least not on Filler Result Day.” So I slowed it down, and sure enough, it was Katy Perry in weird make-up. At least that mystery’s solved.

- We just cannot get Jacob Lusk off this show, can we? I’m sure he’s a nice enough kid when he’s not trying to guilt America into voting for him. But I am sorta over him. Not sorta. And if Scotty doesn’t pep it up, he can go too.

Among 'Idol' highlights: James' gutsy call for a metal song, Haley's continued rise and Casey's jazzy turn.

In breaking “American Idol” news, Pia Toscano was sent home last week. And in a follow-up, the Earth continued to spin on its axis, the oceans and seas continued to roll, Pia got more ink than she ever would have had she just lost in the final, and the other contestants hopefully learned that they can’t ever forget that they’re one “Vote For The Worst” or teen girl tornado away from going home.

I hope. Because … you all know only one of you can win, right? So the rest of you are going to have to practice losing gracefully, because otherwise you look like entitled princes and princesses. It’s true.

It’s Movie Week, and for some reason will.i.am has refused to go home and has been sleeping on the judges’ table curled under Randy’s Coke product placement cup. So he’s back with Jimmy giving Paul some ill-advised pointers about doing a beat box on “Old Time Rock and Roll,” from “Risky Business”. Oh, shut it. Seriously. Stop it. You’re already famous. Let the kid do his thing. Paul keeps the ’80s sax, but does not take the suggestion to slide in like Tom Cruise. First off, it’s been done. Second, none of the target audience have seen “Risky Business” and therefore have no idea what that means. So…way to look old. Anyway, Paul and his crazy Porter Waggoner suit look awesome and crazy it up something righteous. It’s OK if America doesn’t get you, Paul. You’ll get a deal. Or some sort of reality show about your suits.

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James Durbin, Brett Lowenstern and Clint Jun Gamboa performs in front of the judges on 'Idol'.

And I’ll be referring to them as “guys” and not as “boys,” like the show does sometimes, because most of them are out of their teens, and there’s something odd and cloying about that. OK with you?

Enough about negativity! We’re here to pick the five male singers that will go through into the Top Ten, thus being eligible for the annual “American Idols Live” summer tour and also for the crowded space in your brain. Unless you really, really love them, it’s hard to remember the names of 24 kids every year. Let’s see who’s destined to be a star or semi-star, and who’s destined to be “Who?”

First things first – how will JLo and Steven Tyler play live? Will they be able to be critical? How will Randy do as the anchor and not the judge you fast-forward through (although that could happen again, too)? How fast will those censors be on the Bleeper? And does their insurance cover the finger cramps that may ensue from having to work that much? (The “American Idol” self-censoring face mask was a cute touch). Read the full story