And it wasn't even his audition.

“Where were you when it all started?” a sober placard at  the beginning of “American Idol”‘s first episode of 2012 asked? Well, ten years ago, when the then-crazy sounding talent show started, I was in my living room in York, Pa., asking my roommate “Are you watching this?”

Yeah, she was, and 10 years later that crazy talent show has become one of the things people ask me the most about, besides whether I am Macy Gray. Which I still am not.

So now I sit in my living room in Lake Worth, 10 years older, and find that, just like in “Dazed and Confused,” I keep getting older and the contestants stay the same age. Actually, they seem like zygotes. Tiny singing showbiz zygotes. David Leathers, Jr., or as his friends call him “Mr. Steal Your Girl” (?), is the first one we see in Savannah. He’s wearing sunglasses and a tie, and his confidence, and boast to have won against last year’s winner Scotty McCreary in a previous competition, means he’s either the best thing ever or a sad singing shame.

And…he’s fabulous. Good for you, Zygote in a Tie.  In an unrelated note, Steven’s theme for today seems to be Cross Dressing Pimp. It’s an odd choice, but we salute you for your commitment. And I think I have that lipstick.

16-year-old Gabi Carrubbaof Connecticut tells us she’s been dancing since she was a year old in her diapers. Sometimes, that means you’re talented, and sometimes that might just mean that the diaper is about to do its job, you know? She gets some points for hugging Nigel “Dancey Pants” Lythgoe first, making Pimpster make that weird orgasmic duck face he does when he really loves something. She also makes short work of Maroon 5′s “Sunday Morning” and was born to be on a slow jam mix tape. Enya, Sarah Maclachlan and Dido, make her a pot of tea and welcome her to the mellow club.

A long string of talented tinies (Why are they all so young, except for one 28-year-old? Is no one over 20 allowed to have vocal chords anymore?) are seen, meaning that we’re being set up for something hideous. You know it. It’s going to. And you’re gonna want to vomit, or laugh and point and mock. Or perhaps all three.

And…it’s young, sad Jessica Whitely, who claims to sing at a lot of sporting events. Apparently at events that some benevolent cousin organizes and gives her spots in, because girl screams like she’s being strangled with a bullhorn. “You let my horrible cousin sing the anthem again, or I swear to God I’m not telling you where the fuse box is!” She claims to be dehydrated, but water would not make that better. She takes her rejection well, but says “I’ll see you in Texas,” leaving the judges to panic like “Wait, what did she say? Is she coming back? Can we move Texas, or perhaps tell her that the state is closed?”

She’s a clown. And she’s coming to your town. Y’all should move.

Seacrest look-alike Shawn Kraisman wears a coat and tie and looks like a member of a boy band made up of Secret Service agents. If he can’t hack it here, he should maybe start one. Man, they do look alike. This is disturbing. Make it stop. Sing or don’t kid, because I’m starting to believe that there WAS some sort of government conspiracy that took some of Seacrest’s DNA, kept it in a lab and…he’s doing the Chi-Lites. He’s not bad. But in that way that makes you sad because if he had some lessons or resolved a note once in a while, he could have been better. He doesn’t make it, and we’re spared from a whole season of “Mister Mister,” a reverse-race version of “Sister, Sister” about twins who sing and insist on hosting everything.

Shannon Magrane is the tall volleyball playing daughter 1987 World Series pitcher Joe Magrane. Dad’s still hot. Love when that happens. No, Steven did not just say to a huge baseball player that his 15-year-old girl is “hot, humid and happening.” When he’s dressed like, to paraphrase “The Boondocks,” A Pimp Named Talkback. Does he think before he speaks? Of course not, which is part of his weird little charm, I suppose. I imagine it gets him beat up alot. But he’s a charming little innappropriate man. And she’s got a great bluesy voice, which mean Big Daddy doesn’t have to beat Steven up. And the world is as it should be.

I love Savannah – somewhere, right now, Paula Deen is holding a stick of butter at The Lady and Sons and figuring out how to fry it in lard, put it on some greens and call it dinner. (And delicious.)

Clown Town reel. They’re not making me give them more attention than they’ve already gotten. Their parents have done enough.

Someone who could use some support of…somebody….anybody…is Amy Brumfield, who lives in a tent in the woods with her boyfriend because they can’t afford to live anywhere else. Wow, that’s sad. Her voice, however, give me chills. It’s a quiet, strong, soulful, unadorned instrument, and I want to cry. “The spirit of the children of the woods snuck into you,” Steven say encouragingly. Isn’t there a bad horror movie about that? Should we call a priest? Anyway, she’s in. Hope she does well.

Joshua  Chavis has left his nerves out in the lobby with his boyfriend, along with his common sense – he’s yelling and beating up walls and inciting that cat yowl sound they play. His voice is out there, too. Oh Lord. Was this ever funny, this delusional thing when the producers encourage untalented fools to come back three times or something just to be part of a gag reel where the gag is on them? He’s not even remarkably bad, just bad, and I get the weary feeling that they have to have bad singers so bad that no one in a chicken suit showed up the first day and they went “What do we have? Effeminate backwards baseball cap-wearing Southern kid who loves JLo? He’ll do. Until a chicken comes in.”

He’s not the worst singer, but he’s the worst loser, crying into the phone and cussing out the camera. That’s ugly, man. Don’t be ugly.

Carrie Underwood enthusiast Stephanie Renaeis wearing the world’s sparkliest pink shirt and is singing that horrible “Inside Your Heaven” song, one of the worst Idol songs ever recorded. And that’s before Kara showed up! It’s…OK. I hate those nasal baby teen pageant voices, because it’s like they’re not baked yet. Steven says yes, Randy says no, and Jennifer says yet. Meh. Randy thinks she needs lessons, and he’s right. Can we give her lessons before we have to see her again? Because that’s working my last nerve, and Joshua Chavis and his hissy fit are still on it. Someone’s gotta get off it, because otherwise my husband and cat are gonna have a bad spring.

Schyler Dixon, who auditioned with her brother Colton last year, has returned. He made it almost all the way but has decided not to do it this year and let his sister have the spotlight. And the stupid judges reward his chivalry by making her audition all about him. MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA! That was painful. You can almost smell the therapy. She has a beautiful voice, but then they encourage Colton, who has said he doesn’t want to do this, to sing (they didn’t have to push that hard, honestly.) I hope his sister is OK with this. He’s like One RepColton. She looks like she wants to throw darts at him. Her smile is heartbreaking…Oh Geezy is this really happening??? Are they actually giving him a better review at her audition? This is so innappropriate. They let them both through, and Schyler goes off to write a rock opera “Daggone Stupid Brother.”

That was NOT OK.

Shouldn’t someone be really bad about now?

Yes, there they are! But not on my blog! They’re all crying and I feel bad. But it doesn’t mean I want to know them.

Lauren Minkhas an awesome job with folks with intellectual disabilities. She’s 25, and as an old person I really hope she’s good, because the zygotes are winning. It shouldn’t be a competition…wait! It is! I kinda love her. She’s does “Country Strong” better than Gwyneth Paltrow, which only annoys me because it reminds me that “Country Strong,” the movie, exists, and I wish it didn’t. Randy is right that she has a Jennifer Nettles thing about her. Adorable.

We’re here on the second day of Atlanta, and it’s apparently wicked hot, which is just  the right temperature for some fried catfish with hot sauce. Don’t fight the heat. Embrace it and serve it with some hushpuppies, like my grandma would have.

Oh, now they’re making fun of Mawuena Kodjo, a sweet kid from Togo who has a thick accent and sings country. This is probably gonna be slightly xenophobic and suck. And it sure is!  Yuck. Again, it’s kinda evil that someone encouraged this nice-seeming kid, who appears to be so earnest, to come back eighty times to be made fun of. It’s awful. He’s so tone-deaf that tone deaf is filing a defamation law suit. Oh dear. I love that some people believe this is still the land of opportunity, even in this economy, but unles you daddy can buy you some AutoTune, it can’t give you a singing voice. Seacrest, who I no longer love, takes him out for further humiliation – I love the sweet older man in the trucker cap who helpfully says “Are you a runner?” as if to say “Sweet boy, is there anything else you can do?”

The folks on the sidewalk want him to go to Hollywood, probably because that means he won’t be there in Savannah singing at them. This was ugly, Idol. I don’t love you right now.

Ashlee Altise invented a move called the Joy Hop. This could go either way. This much confidence is usually rewarded with the Clown Reel. Step lightly, Confident One. Wait…she’s amazing, with a soulful “Come Together.” She’s got too much personality for this show. They’ll throw tacks in her way and stop her Joy Hop tires. It’s gonna happen.

And…more badness. Bye! Go home now. Learn a skill. Feed some orphans. Most importantly,  GO HOME.

W. H. Thompson, from Appomattox, is unemployed, having quit his job at the Federal prison to come on “Idol.” His wife is six months pregnant. If he’s not good, I’m gonna be very sad. He’s pretty good, if not completely faithful to a key. Steven thinks he isn’t ready, JLo likes him and Randy…please don’t do this to me on the first day, Jackson. He gets through! Yay! My husband and cat survive another night without having tea thrown at them.

There’s a “Young girls love Steven Tyler” reel and it’s skeeving me out because…STOP. Lawsuits are standing by. Erica Nowak, who says he’s her future ex-husband, gives him a butt squeeze. She has one of those shouty voices that might be mistaken for a singing voice but actually isn’t. It’s not singing. It’s pretending. Like pretending that 16-year-olds think Steven Tyler is hot.

Next up to be ogled is NBA dancer and Blake Lively/Carrie Underwood hybrid Brittany Kerr. She’s got a solid Joss Stone voice, but doesn’t blow me away. She needs more emphasis. To his credit, Tyler refuses to take the gross flirty bait from JLo, and gives her the nod without touching her. JLo wasn’t feeling her, which makes me think they decided when they saw this tall pretty girl that someone had to say no to give drama, or that JLo doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Either are possible.

Let’s round it out with pawn shop scion Phillip Phillips, whose parents must hate him for giving him that name. Wait, that’s his dad’s name too, and apparently he was like “I’m not gonna be alone in this forever. Welcome to your name, boy. Get used to the confused looks now.”

He wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t fill every space with some weird drunk scat. Wait…it got better. Take a breath and slow down. My cat is singing back to him, and that makes me love him. Now, he’s doing acoustic bluesy “Thriller” and I want to adopt him and give him a better name. Please love him, judges, because my cat likes him, and like it or not, she’s stuck in this thing, too, because she can’t afford her own place and she doesn’t have a tent.

And…he’s in. Love it. I haven’t hated life yet! Must be better talent, better editing, or my fast foward button. But my spirit has all year to be broken. You know it’s gonna happen.

Are you ready for some "Idol?"

So as Cowell’s old show returns to FOX for its season opener, one wonders (well, at least this one does) whether it can keep its own ratings excitement going this year, without some new twists. (I would like to propose Exile Island, where they exile JLo and keep her there until she can stop self-promoting and give a daggone straight criticism after Hollywood Week.) But as far as I know, it’s status quo, with the same judges, same host and same Clown Town auditions – for you newbies to my “Idol” blogs, that’s my name for the early city auditions when idiots show up dressed as kung fu chickens or what have you. I find it awful filler, and I don’t love watching delusional idiots with over-indulgent parents losing their crap on TV. I can see that in the food court in the Boca Mall.

Also, I wonder what the fact of “The Voice” will do to “Idol” – I love the former show because they’ve already narrowed the field to the people who can legitimately sing and those who sing even better. We don’t have to deal with the idiots. I know some people like that because it works for “Idol.” But “The Voice” and its success has shown that some also like just focusing on the excitement of weeding the most talented from the talent pool.

So … what do you guys think? You watching it this year?

The entertainment gods giveth, and then taketh away: 2010 “American Idol” runner-up Crystal Bowersox got axed from her record label this week, but she made her acting debut last night on ABC’s “Body of Proof.” The dreadlocked blues lady played Zoe, an incarcerated single mother with a drug history caught up in the murder of a rich horseswoman whose equestrian program Zoe was involved in.

And – surprise – she’s great! Crystal has told reporters that she was mad nervous about the role – but star Dana Delany says she’s a natural, and I have to agree. There’s a scene where Zoe’s maternal instinct comes into play, and either Crystal’s natural mothering kicked in or she’s a genius, because she made me cry. And I am not a crier under normal network television circumstances unless there’s a military funeral or puppies involved.

So even if this big record company thing doesn’t work out for her – and I believe Crystal’s gracious comments about appreciating even the 200,000 records that her “Farmer’s Daughter” release sold – she’s got some acting chops. Also, B.B. King loves her. So, there’s that.

If you read this blog, you might remember that I was initially excited about the trio’s fresh approach and sassiness during last season’s audition rounds. They were everything I wanted them to be – funny, compassionate, direct and in full possession of their musical faculties – in other words, they knew how to be blunt without being cruel, and seemed to base most of their decisions on actual talent. And they were unashamed about using their own musical expertise in their reasoning.

But then the season’s live shows started, and they completely screwed it up. Suddenly, they were lobbing big fat critical softballs, burying every bit of justified criticism in layers of “But I love your hair!” or “I still love you!” And then they reserved any real criticism for just one or two contestants, like Haley, leaving the others bathed in insecurity and maddening hyberbole.

In other words – they sucked as judges. Pretty hair? Yeah, J.Lo and Steven are champs at that. But being really useful? Suckage.

And now they’re back to suck some more. Unless:

- They can get used to risking “looking nice”: One of the issues I had with two current artists being on this show in the first place was that they’d be afraid to be real, less it cheese off their fans. And I think that because they’re human, they lost their nerve once they started getting to know these kids, and they didn’t want to hurt any feelings. But you know who will hurt their feelings? Critics. And the public who wants good music, not the work product of coddled kids who are never made to have self-awareness about any of their flaws. Take a breath. Everyone needs reality sometimes. Even nice cute kids.

— Jimmy Iovine joins the panel: He’s sorta nutty, but the producer, who runs the rehearsals and gives advice to the singers before their performances, pulls no punches about telling you the truth as he sees it. If he doesn’t like your song choice, you know it. If he thinks you’re not hitting the notes, he’ll tell you. He doesn’t want to put out a crappy product more than anyone else, and to protect the brand, he’s less concerned about protecting little feelings. We need him at that table.

What do you think?

Taylor Hicks in the kitchen of Dirty Martini, giving a quiet interview. You can't see the fans outside the door looking for him.

Six years after winning “American Idol,” Taylor Hicks is still a very popular guy. This was evidenced Wednesday night at new Downtown at the Gardens spot Dirty Martini,  in the (largely female) crowd, some of whom waited for hours outside the club to get a prime spot at the bar for his performance. It was also proved by the salt-and-pepper-haired singer’s inability to go two feet without some (probably female) fan pulling him in for a photo or a hug.

“Yes, fanaticism can be a good thing,” Hicks said jokingly, safely tucked away in the bar’s kitchen – literally the only place to do a quiet interview without some fan trying to get his attention. He was joking, but as a longtime “American Idol” critic I can safely say that no finalist on the show, besides maybe Clay Aiken, has a more loyal or protective fan base – If they even suspect you’re trying to diss their boy, even when you’re totally not, you get six emails sticking up for him.

“I am very appreciative of (them). They’ve embraced and built upon the things I’ve done as an artist, and given me momentum to build on,” said the singer, who at 34 is now growing into his prematurely gray hair. He’s also disarmingly handsome, even more so in person than on TV.

Hicks was there to do a short set of soul and blues covers, including “Two Trains Running” by the Doobie Brothers and a blistering harmonica solo on Stevie Wonder’s “Superstitions.” (One of my only complaints is that his backing band played as many songs before he got onstage as he did with them. I didn’t come to see them. Then again, I wasn’t sure if it took him so long to get up there because of all the fan photos he was taking.)

He’s been busy – he’s working on a new album and is exploring scripted TV work that he can’t talk a lot about but is psyched about. This means he’s left the touring production of “Grease” in which he played the flamboyantly-dressed Teen Angel – “I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss Teen Angel’s costume,” he said, cheekily, “but my forte is more songwriting and performing. That’s where my comfort zone is. But this has allowed me to hang my hat on Broadway and allowed me to get into film.”

Hicks is also looking forward to that album, which he is currently writing, a follow-up to 2009′s “The Distance.” That one was released on his own label, after his self-named platinum debut in 2006. He says that he enjoys the “creative freedom of not being on a post-Idol win,” without the notorious control of the show’s 19 Entertainment.

“Six years later, I’ve still stayed current, whether there’s 200 people in the audience or 1700 or more,” he says.

He seemed to have those freedoms on his mind when asked about advice he would give to Lauren Alaina and winner Scotty McCreery, the young finalists from Season 10 – “I’d tell them to buy a Tempurpedic pillow, because they’re gonna be doing a lot of traveling,” he said, smiling, before adding that they both have a great opportunity ahead of them, no matter how their albums sell, and that they can use it as a platform.

“It can open a lot of doors,” he said.

Like kitchen doors that you have to open because of all your fans.

A lot of people have mistaken my lack of enthusiasm for a Lauren/Scotty finale for a dislike of country – and you couldn’t be more wrong (Hint: Two of my go-to karaoke songs are “Sin Wagon” by the Dixie Chicks and “You’ve Been Talking In Your Sleep” by Crystal Gayle). It’s not about genre, but about performance and maturity.

Scotty, who I expect to win, has a beautiful voice, charisma and a clear idea of what sort of artist he wants to be. His issues are a weak upper register that he strains sometimes, and a tedious reliance performance tics (that weird mic hold and the winking. Oi, the winking). I shudder to think how amazing he’s going to be at 20, or at 25. It’s actually exciting! I just don’t think he’s quite there yet. But he will be.

Lauren, on the other hand….oh, Lauren. I don’t blame Lauren for a lot of what I find fault in with her, because a lot of it has to do with lack of experience, context or connection. The show knew that by allowing 15-year-olds to compete, while still clinging to a songbook older than those contestant’s parents, chances are that those singers wouldn’t have a huge connection to that material. And usually, the older the contestant, the more chance that they’ve had time to know more music, hone their performance skills and just be more comfortable. This is not always the case – Allison Iraheta was a natural at 17 – but it is often.

Lauren has lost a lot of that confident spunk she had when she barreled into the auditions, but as long as the voters like her, she’s got a shot. I think she’s gonna be really good with some seasoning. I just find them both…underseasoned? Not untalented. But not there yet.

I am not saying they won’t be successful – Scotty has a particularly bright immediate future, I’ll bet – but that they’ll be even better soon.

I was reminded of that situation last night when Casey Abrams, who narrowly avoided being booted several weeks ago when he got the Judges’ Save, wound up in the bottom spot on “American Idol’ again. Not only were there no more saves for him, but the general consensus seems to be that if the panel had known Pia was going to be in trouble at any point, there is no way he’d have gotten the save. So it’s sorta like “OK, it’s time. For real, this time. Seriously.”

Casey and his sweet little sincere Fraggle face represent one of my favorite factors of this show – that no one can predict who the frontrunners are gonna be, and any attempt to do so just makes you look silly. Casey looked like a comer, with his retro-wacky bass playing and tendency to pick songs that some of the other contestants probably have never heard of and his insane natural musicality. The problem is that he did the same thing every week, and after awhile the wackiness seemed telegraphed. I truly believe that he’s gifted – not just good but gifted. I also believe that he hasn’t even touched the edge of his creative powers, and that this sort of robo-performing is not conducive to his gifts.

I think he’ll be fine. He’ll get on some sort of jazz label and have a nice career. And can you imagine how good he’s gonna be in five years? In ten?

And in other news…Jacob Lusk…I hear the boot a-callin’, tossed salad and scrambled eggs. Quite stylish…like that jacket you were wearing Wednesday (I liked it, actually. You’re still going home soon.)

It’s Stefano. And phooey.

If this had happened a few weeks ago, I would get it. Scratch that – I still get him getting booted, because there are other singers with larger fan bases with a more defined genre. But he’s a cute boy, and don’t the girls who vote a gazillion times like cute boys? And…this is not a small point…he’s a great singer and had become so much more passionate. This apparently meant little for his future as an “American Idol” contestant, but hopefully will mean a lot for his career.

Good luck there, kid. Hope that by the time you come back for the finale, America hasn’t blocked out all memory of you and doesn’t go “Who?” like they did when Ashton showed up on Wednesday. Well, at least the part of America that lives in my house.

Observations:

- America broke James’ heart, too, by booting his buddy. He cried! I adore him even more.

- As I was fast-forwarding past the normal filler on the results show, I noticed the quickly moving fast-forwarded image of someone I thought might be Lady Gaga. But then I thought “There’s no way Gaga is doing this show, at least not on Filler Result Day.” So I slowed it down, and sure enough, it was Katy Perry in weird make-up. At least that mystery’s solved.

- We just cannot get Jacob Lusk off this show, can we? I’m sure he’s a nice enough kid when he’s not trying to guilt America into voting for him. But I am sorta over him. Not sorta. And if Scotty doesn’t pep it up, he can go too.

Among 'Idol' highlights: James' gutsy call for a metal song, Haley's continued rise and Casey's jazzy turn.

In breaking “American Idol” news, Pia Toscano was sent home last week. And in a follow-up, the Earth continued to spin on its axis, the oceans and seas continued to roll, Pia got more ink than she ever would have had she just lost in the final, and the other contestants hopefully learned that they can’t ever forget that they’re one “Vote For The Worst” or teen girl tornado away from going home.

I hope. Because … you all know only one of you can win, right? So the rest of you are going to have to practice losing gracefully, because otherwise you look like entitled princes and princesses. It’s true.

It’s Movie Week, and for some reason will.i.am has refused to go home and has been sleeping on the judges’ table curled under Randy’s Coke product placement cup. So he’s back with Jimmy giving Paul some ill-advised pointers about doing a beat box on “Old Time Rock and Roll,” from “Risky Business”. Oh, shut it. Seriously. Stop it. You’re already famous. Let the kid do his thing. Paul keeps the ’80s sax, but does not take the suggestion to slide in like Tom Cruise. First off, it’s been done. Second, none of the target audience have seen “Risky Business” and therefore have no idea what that means. So…way to look old. Anyway, Paul and his crazy Porter Waggoner suit look awesome and crazy it up something righteous. It’s OK if America doesn’t get you, Paul. You’ll get a deal. Or some sort of reality show about your suits.

Lauren is 3 years old, so she is doing “The Climb” by Mylie Cyrus. She is weirdly nervous that Mylie will hear Jimmy say that Lauren is a better singer, and maybe cut her or something. It’s true. You ARE a better singer than her, so claim that. I also love how matter-of-fact Jimmy is about how she needs to take her grief about Pia and turn it to something else, like Patrick Swayze advised a grieving C. Thomas Howell in “Red Dawn.” Specifically, he wants her to turn it into a determination to get those votes for herself. I love it. That’s good advice. Pia’s gone. She’ll be fine. She can’t win. You can. Lauren does a great job, although I hate her hair. It’s a great fit for her, and she’s better than she has been in weeks. Still sorta over her. But she sold it.

Stefano says that last week, where Pia went home and he was in the bottom with her, America had a tough week. Oh, singerlings. I know you live in a bubble, but America is dealing with a recession, a war, a barely-averted government shut down and the end of Glenn Beck on Fox. We’re gonna be OK about the Pia thing. Stefano is doing “End of the Road” from “Boomerang.” Coordinate! And if you are too young to know what that means, don’t sweat it. I’m not going to bore you by rubbing my old off on you. But if you do get the reference … the rabbit’s getting kinda old, baby! Mushroom belt! Dated references that comfort aging hipsters! Woo hoo! Anyway, Stefano sang like he meant it. He killed it. Slayed it and ate it with his hands with its blood dripping from his mouth.

Scotty … Oh, Scotty. You…oh, boy, kid. You had a chance to break ever so slightly out of your tendency to only literally sing songs with “country” somewhere near the title, and you blew it. You should have done “Everybody’s Talking” from “Midnight Cowboy” like you were going to, not only because it breaks you out of your zone, and because Garth Brooks once covered it on the Oscars, lending it some country cred, but because it’s a better song. The worst part is that the George Strait song he did choose from “Pure Country” was blah, but they wouldn’t tell you. Where is the criticism? There is a lot of space between being brutal and blowing smoke, judges. Find that place and buy a condo there.

“Nature Boy,” the song that Casey wants to sing, was featured  in “Untamed Heart.” Doncha think they should tell you what movie this is from? Stop being lazy, “Idol.” Jimmy does not appreciate that yet another kid has ignored his song advice and says he better be right and kill it. And he does. He jazzes that stand-up bass, George Benson’s the scat and turns it out. Wouldn’t it have been cool if he did “Everybody Wants To Be A Cat” from “The Aristocats?” Cartoon cats are awesome. You know what else was awesome? Casey, who had not been awesome in WEEKS. It bothers me that all of these judges and mentors know so much about music, but freak out at the notion that someone would not choose to be a boring pop star. What is the point of having a Casey or a Paul on this show if you don’t expect them to quirk out? GAH.

(Addendum – Casey’s follow-up interview really annoyed me, with his talk about how people were against him, but now he has done something no one else has ever done before. Kid, you were good. But … did I mention the recession? And that you’re just a singer, not an economist or rocket scientist? Breathe. You’ll be OK.)

Hayley, my new favorite, makes me love her even more by identifying “Call Me” as a Blondie song from “American Gigolo,” making it the theme. We like that. She really is great, right? The boots? The sexy hair? The investment in the lyrics and her refusal to get too cute? It’s a song about a gigolo, so the hooker boots are appropriate. Loved her. Randy didn’t love it and even though I disagree, I applaud him for at least being critical. Steven also has a point about how she nailed the chorus. JLo is punking out by not wanting to say anything bad about her because she doesn’t want any girls to go home. Oh, please. If the girls you picked to be finalists had been better we wouldn’t have that problem. J’accuse, JLo. J’ACCUSE.

Jacob hasn’t even started yet and I’m getting sleepy, because everything about his antics last week was tiresome. His singing was underwhelming and he lost me with his wimped-out statement he made by accusing his listeners of some insidious motivation if they dare doubt him. That’s just stupid and I’m cranky. Jimmy calls him on it — “Don’t preach to people,” he says. And he’s right. Jacob looks confused. I am so over this kid. He wants to do “The Impossible Dream” and Jimmy nearly beats him over the head with a bag of corn, it’s so corny. He “suggests” that he do “Bridge Over Troubled Water” instead, and Jacob, being frightened by the small bespectacled man, backs away and agrees lest he be pummeled with more foodstuffs. Apparently this song, besides being a classic, was in “The Pursuit of Happyness,” and Jacob does the predictable gospel arrangement. Nothing bad, but nothing unexpected. The last note is great, but he still annoys me.

James wants to do “Heavy Metal” by Sammy Hagar from the movie of the same name, and respectively declines to change his song, no matter what Jimmy and will.i.am.living.in.the.green.room say. I adore that kid’s moxie. And he has Zakk Wylde with him! Outstanding! Did I ever tell you about the time I interviewed scary Ted Nugent, who was on a tear about hunting and lilly-livered liberals and whatnot? I mentioned that my sister and I, who are black, had done his old group Damn Yankee’s “High Enough” in a karaoke bar in Little Rock, even though the host was confused that we knew a metal song. And Nuge paused and said, proudly, “OUTSTANDING!” So in the spirit of Nuge, OUTSTANDING! It was confident, ballsy and even Zakk approves. Performance of the night!

So, the best tonight were James, Stefano and Casey. What say you?

James Durbin, Brett Lowenstern and Clint Jun Gamboa performs in front of the judges on 'Idol'.

And I’ll be referring to them as “guys” and not as “boys,” like the show does sometimes, because most of them are out of their teens, and there’s something odd and cloying about that. OK with you?

Enough about negativity! We’re here to pick the five male singers that will go through into the Top Ten, thus being eligible for the annual “American Idols Live” summer tour and also for the crowded space in your brain. Unless you really, really love them, it’s hard to remember the names of 24 kids every year. Let’s see who’s destined to be a star or semi-star, and who’s destined to be “Who?”

First things first – how will JLo and Steven Tyler play live? Will they be able to be critical? How will Randy do as the anchor and not the judge you fast-forward through (although that could happen again, too)? How fast will those censors be on the Bleeper? And does their insurance cover the finger cramps that may ensue from having to work that much? (The “American Idol” self-censoring face mask was a cute touch).

-Clint Gamboa: Never been a fan – his screaminess makes me cringe, because he seems to lack vocal control or an ability to just sing notes straight. He’s doing Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition,” and he’s not through the first verse before it starts to get away from him. There’s nothing compelling about his interpretation, or his pacing. He’s not so much singing the song as looking for notes to freak out on. Hates it. The crowd apparently hears something I don’t and leaps to their feet. Ditto Tyler, who calls him “brilliant.” JLo gives him a break on being nervous and likes it, as does Randy. I just don’t get it.

— Jovany Barreto: You could sing anything and you chose “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain? It’s not a very dynamic song – you think you’d want something that shows off your voice a little more. And on a song like this, you need to let it breath and build, which is hard to do when you don’t have time to do the whole thing. The arrangement is choppy, but he sounds strong, if not a little boring. Randy agrees with me, that he should have brought something original to it if he was going to pick such a commonly done song. I agree with Randy almost right off the bat. What’s happening?

— Jordan Dorsey: I see what he’s trying to do here with Usher’s “OMG,” hitting a dance song that moves him around and takes him out of the ballads. But he misses some notes right out of the gate, and seems a little behind the music at times. It feels very rushed and forced. Randy tells him that it’s not a singer’s song, and he’s right – that isn’t what you pick to prove how well you sing. It’s what you sing at karaoke to get some girl to smile at you. Not feeling confident about this one, y’all.

— Tim Halperin: I am the only one who thinks the sound mix was off a lot on this show, that the singers were straining to hear themselves over the music? I love Rob Thomas, and I love “Streetcorner Symphony,” but Tyler’s right when he wonders if it did him any justice. He can’t get the top notes, and he seems, again, like he’s rushing trying to keep it moving. Oh boy. Hope Brett’s better, because I haven’t really liked anybody yet.

— Brett Loewenstern: And here he is! Someone’s had a fresh conditioner, because the curls are bouncing tonight. He’s not really grabbing “Light My Fire”‘s low notes, which are as important as the high ones. Those, he nails, but it never really takes off. It’s OK. But it doesn’t approach what I think he can do. Tyler disagrees with me, as does JLo. Randy…help me out here, man. I won’t call you Dawg, because I can’t support that. Mr. Jackson If You’re Nasty agrees with me about the pitch problems but thinks he’s fun. Me, too. Just, you know…sing better. Love you, Boca! You’re adorable.

— James Durbin scares me, because he, like Clint, never met a high note he couldn’t turn into a blood-curdling scream of death. I love the hair and the energy of Judas Priest’s “You’ve Got Another Thing Coming,” and after some bad notes, something interesting happens…it gets good. I mean, it gets REALLY good. He controls his screams, his tempo and when he goes bat-crap crazy, he’s earned it. Now we’re cooking! With kerosene and whatever’s in a glowstick! Note – did anyone but me notice that he was blinking? A lot?

— Robbie Rosen: Please be good, kid. Your cuteness and earnestness touch my grinchly heart, and if you can’t bring this, it will ruin my belief in cuteness, earnestness and, likely, in puppies. Speaking of puppies, Robbie’s singing “Angel,” Sarah McLachlan’s unofficial PETA ballad of the pain and suffering of sad, adorable furry things. I don’t love it – it takes him awhile to get the tempo, and the notes sorta pop up like a Whack-A-Mole in odd spots. And again…RANDY AGREES WITH ME! Am I being punked?

— Scotty McCreery: He’s a sweetie, but I’m hoping he doesn’t get corny. He’s a wee ahead of the music on John Michael Montgomery’s “Letters From Home,” and it doesn’t quite get there for me. Maybe they’re all nervous. Maybe they’re just getting used to the format. But it seems like karaoke. I like the song and I like his voice, but together they’re just kinda sitting there. Randy and I part ways here, which was bound to happen. I do like this kid. I just didn’t love this.

— Stefano Langone: Well, alright! Effortless, expressive and impressive, which is hard to do with a song like Bruno Mars’ “Just The Way You Are,” which is so current and so much popular karaoke fodder. It’s the second thing I’ve really loved tonight. JLo’s right – he’s consistent. I’m not frightened that he’s gonna fly off the rails like a runaway rollercoaster, even with a touch of pitchiness.

— Paul MacDonald: Every once in a while, a performer shows up who’s fully formed, who knows who he or she is already, and just gets comes on and throws their flavor on everything they touch. And he does that to “Maggie May,” because he seems to understand what he’s singing, because that cracked blues voice hugs the notes on the chorus, and because he knows he nails it. He’s kinda nutty and I dig it. Don’t let them iron out your nutty.

— Oh, geez. It’s Jacob Lusk. I want this clearly talented little moppet to focus on his control, but Randy’s told him to be him, which often means “over-the-top gospel screamy parody.” So I get a little scared when I hear the opening strains of “A House Is Not A Home,” because when they try to out-Luther Luther, somebody usually gets hurt. Like my ears. Color me surprised! Although he does indeed get a little Yellerson on the high notes, he holds it together. That low register is buttery. Just be careful with it. I kinda loved it.

— And now we’re down at Fraggle Rock with Casey Abrams and his beard. Ooh, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins! Crazy scary funky soul! I just got chills, and not just because Screamin’ Jay Hawkins frightens me. It’s because Casey is just freaking effortless. He just inhabits everything he sings, and of all of the kids besides James and his Judas Priest song, he seems to have taken full advantage of the opportunity to sing anything the show could get the rights to and done something unique. A-Maz-Ing. And JLo’s right – he’s sexy. Remember sexy? Remember David Cook and Adam Lambert and full grown men? Casey reminds me of that. Do right by him, America, or the ghost of Screamin’ Jay’s coming for you. Ghosts can do that, you know.

So…what did you think? I wasn’t impressed at first, but it got better. A lot better. Tomorrow, the girls try not to mess it all up.

Anyway, one of those folks was Mikalene Ipson, the so-called Armadillo Girl. She didn’t even have a bad voice. But when you show up dressed as an armadillo, you’re gonna wind up in the Joke Reel. Mikalene found this blog, and left me the following response, which I then responded to. Here’s what happened.

Mikalene’s response:

“haha yeah those idiots that go on tv in costumes what are they thinking? ok well I am one of those idiots I am the armadillo girl I wore the costume because IT IS MY JOB!! I wanted a new one! I had to think what sets me apart from the other 10,000 people auditioning? and I dont know that many other people who dress like an armadillo as their job! I work for Texas Roadhouse I am also a waitress there. I would love to get your opinion on this idiots voice though ;) heres my myspace http://www.myspace.com/mikaleneipson and here is my youtube channels you be the judge kettasmommy or mikaleneipson thanks have an awesome day!!!”

My response:

“Hi, Mikalene! I listened to your clips on the MySpace site, and think that you have a nice voice. The problem, unfortunately, is what you found on the show – the judges don’t seem to take costumed people seriously. Most of the people who wear costumes do so because they can’t sing. It’s their only way to stand out. The judges want you to believe that your VOICE makes you stand out. Once you come in dressed as an armadillo, their brains shut off. They sit there for hours, not knowing what’s coming through that door. They don’t know until the auditioner starts to sing. So I would not be surprised if, after hours upon days upon weeks of auditions, they looked at your costume and thought “Oh, here we go.”
Most of the costumed folks want to stand out for the 30 seconds that they’ll be on TV, so they can say “I got to be on ‘Idol.’” You want a career as a singer, but by wearing that costume, you didn’t stand out as a singer. You stood out as the Armadillo Girl. And that’s obviously not who you want to be. You took a chance, and that is admirable. But next time, just try singing, as Mikalene. You’re a lot more impressive than a costume.”

L-R: Chelsee Oaks, 23 and Rob Bolin, 23 and Matt Dillard, 27, from Ashland City, TN at the Nashville auditions.

We begin the “American Idol” hijinks with some poor kid who sings really high, with Ryan Seacrest standing outside the legendary Ryman Auditorium pretending to be startled by the noise. Don’t you love a throw-away bit that goes nowhere?

Look! It’s Christine McCaffrey of…oh dear…West Palm Beach! She’s a dental assistant who is going to change the world with he vocal gift…which is apparently the gift of disturbing sleeping porpoises. And she has the gift for being so positive that she mistakes Steven Tyler’s straight-up “No” for a “yes.” I don’t know if she’s just absolutely Pollyana or delusional. I am loathe to say that about someone who might love down the street from me. But honey…sweetie baby…HE SAID NO.

Chelsee and Rob also said “No” – to love with each other. They’re former singing partners and former sweethearts who claim to have no romantic chemistry anymore. But boy, can they sing sweet together! The judges think they’re gonna get back together. I too fear that Chelsee’s sweet boyfriend is toast. I love them.

Allen Lewis is a scary person who makes slightly racist ice cream references, chases women around the waiting room and whom I would be very slow to upset, because he is a scary person. But he seems sort of sweet. And crazy.

I’m hoping that beauty queen Stormi is good, because I can’t take any more of this. She has a pretty voice, but it could get annoying if all she does is that breathy thing. I agree with JLo. Her voice is not strong enough. This is the first time I’ve ever missed Simon this year, because he might have cut that off. Then again, he put through his share of pretty non-talents, too. I feel you, JLo.

I am feeling the work ethic of Adrienne, a farm girl adopted by sweet farm people of a different race.  This is my favorite kind of audition, because it’s to the point – even without the lovely backstory, she can sing. So she’s going on. And I loved her call to her dad, who reminds me so much of my late grandfather – a taciturn hard-working Southern guy who doesn’t get emotional – “Who’s gonna pay your way?” he asked when told of her good luck. But then he let out this great chuckle and you know he was so excited. Love her.

Kamella is apparently the soloist for a choir that can’t hear.

The Clown Town brigade continues, with some bad singers and some sort of person in a full body costume. I would pay money to have seen that audition.

Jackie Wilson, you might be surprised, is not a deceased African-American singer of much legend and fame, but a sweet blond girl with a thousand-year-old boyfriend. Both sing fabulously.

Latoya “Younique” Whateverhernameis is annoying and dumb and delusional and untalented and I don’t want to talk about her anymore.

Montage – The judges like Paul McDonald – I don’t really. I do agree about Jimmie Allen, blwing some “Maroon 5.” Awesome. Ditto Danny Pate.

Matt Dillard is from a family that has taken in more than 700 foster kids. He’s a big ol’ country boy with a hat and overalls, and he sings Josh Groban like an angel. I love this kid, and I am glad he got through, because if that beauty queen got a golden ticket, he should, too. Hope he makes it, because he’s a sweetheart.

Lauren Alaina has been billed as the best audition of the day, and I agree that she’s mindblowingly good. She’s 15, but connects to the lyrics and the emotions of the sad Tim and Faith song she’s singing. I got goosebumps. This kid…let it be known, all of you delusional children – this is what talent is. She has a great voice, humility and a presence. She’s just fabulous. And when she sings “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” with Tyler, her parents look like they’re gonna explode. Love her.

What a good day! I can’t wait to see what’s gonna come and wreck it!

Emma Henry, 15 made it to Hollywood, Albert Rogers does a great Obama impersonation but does is not headed to Hollywood. (top row left to right)

It’s sort of funny that Danny Gokey is here in his hometown of Milwaukee, because Steven Tyler is here too, and Gokey butchered Aerosmith’s “Dream On” so brutally that it demanded a restraining order when it heard Gokey was gonna be around. Awww, we kid. Gokey’s a nice lad (I met him once) and a talented singer.

But seriously. Back off the song, man.

Scotty McCreery, the deep-voiced Randy Travis-esque pitcher lad , was so sweet and slightly dorky and sincere. What a voice! What a baby face! What a nice kid! Remember nice kids, that didn’t curse you out when confronted with the evidence of their own vocal suckage, kids who said “Please” and “Thank You” and remembered that there were mothers and grandmas and potential employers watching this?

I do! Why am I not confident we’re gonna see a lot more? And when did I become the old grizzled prospector in a western?

Joe Repka is the first sign that the mean “American Idol” hadn’t left with Simon and his tight black T. They poke fun at this kid’s affability, his eagerness (and mostly his pudginess and bowl haircut), and the fact that some cruel producers put him through because they thought he’d make a good goof reel made me a little sad. Oh, Sow.

Emma Henry is 15 and has a nice little Cyndi Lauper voice. I still don’t know if she’s special, but her voice is all wavery and she never finishes a note, and I’m not sure what she’s going to sound like on other types of songs. The judges are right that there are nice qualities there, but that she might not be ready. JLo says no. Steven says yes. She starts crying before Randy decides, saying this is the biggest thing in her life and begging and whatnot and….

OK, stop. You’re 15. Fifteen. You can’t even legally drive without someone in the car with you yet. You have no idea what the biggest thing in your life is because it’s barely started. And as much as I feel for her, telling her “no” would be doing her an important favor – teaching her that no matter how much you want something, there are times that you can not cry your way into what you want. Sometimes, you just aren’t good enough, or there are people better than you, and “No” is the answer. And Randy does not do her a favor when he lets himself be swayed by her tears, and by the fact that the producers are now allowing 15 year olds to auditions. It’s sort of annoying that as sweet as she is, that this girl believes that she should be able to cry and beg strangers for stuff. Look, I whiffed a lot of auditions and stuff when I was a kid, and the one thing I NEVER would have done was burst into tears and say that I should get a “Yes” because I want it so bad.

No. I just went home and cried there. Crying is fine. Wanting it is fine – and living in the moment is what 15 year olds do. But this industry is about a lot of “No.” It doesn’t have to be about being intentionally mean, like the judges can be. But JLo was right to say no. Even Randy said that this girl was gonna get swallowed up in Hollywood. And that’s your fault, y’all!

Enough grouchiness. Let’s see something happy…AUGGH! Clown Town Parade! The gag reel! Back off me! Not even going there. Didn’t miss the clowns.

Naima works sanitation at the arena where the auditions were held, and she wants to make a good example and life for her kids. She is gorgeous and funky and has a smooth soul voice. I wish she was just a little more exciting, a little more sparky. But she’s great, so on to Hollywood for her.

More Clown Town. Does no one have parents who say no? It’s an idiot with a giant toothbrush! Here’s Jerome Bell, who sings at bar mitzvahs and weddings. He hopefully doesn’t sing “Let’s Get It On” at bar mitzvahs, because that would not be appropriate. But he can sing that on my answering machine any old time, because Brother is unreal. Great dynamics, good power, and cute.

I love that the show is admitting that they want to get some of that Bieber money, so they lowered the age to 15. (I also love the cute little 5-year-old Valerie singing “Put Your Records On.” What a charmer!) They say the young’uns are delivering. All right. We’ll see. Voices are so much better when they develop. But…BIEBER MONEY!

Thia, singing an Adele song, is one of the good ones. Seriously, she’s got more than a nice voice. She has TALENT, with a great ear and sophisticated dynamics. Love her. Hope she hangs around for a while. Curious why we don’t see a lot of the other ones sing, though. Hmmm.

She was good, so I’m afraid that this means more Clown Town. And…yeah. It’s a Civil War reenactor. Did I ever tell you about the time I covered one of those in Gettysburg and wandered into the Confederate camp, and the guy playing General Longstreet noticed me trying to blend in as I took notes and started preaching about how the flag was about heritage, not hate? And this cute little freckle-faced kid with a T-shirt printed with that exact phrase was standing nearby, and he looked at me all emotionally like “Please don’t hate me, Nice Black Reporter Lady!” and it was really awkward? No? Well, I’ll tell you about that sometime.

Anyway, Nathaniel Jones likes the Union Army, the Civil War and his dad, but apparently not hippies. And his singing is scaring my cat.
But he’s very polite. It’s that military training. The next singer, Mason Wilkinson is afraid to look at the judges, and I’m afraid to listen. Go now.

Molly, of Harvard and the long legs and the White House internship (Mind out of gutter!) She mentions loving the President, and then corrects the impression that she might mean that, Lewinsky-like. Yikes. And then Randy apparently punched her in the mouth. Double yikes, She is a walking 22-year-old Adult Contemporary album and I love her. Fabulous.

Is it wrong that the kid singing the “Lion King” song in the cattle call line made me smile? And that Jennifer and Randy’s “Laverne and Shirley” outfits, picked in honor of the show’s location, are super cute? I wanna put a glove on a beer production line and wave to it! Haley was told to come back the last time she was here, and she has a great growly voice, and awesome hair. I like her. She even sings a little with Tyler, who can’t stop himself, and she doesn’t back down. Crikey! She’s in!

Tiwan Strong is singing Sam Cooke, and if you can do that, you are my best friend. He gives me goosebumps. Adore his style and his simplicity. Good! It doesn’t have to be any more tortured or dramatic than “Yeah, you’re great.”

We go from smoothness to big dorky love. Steve Beghun is an accountant with a dry sense of humor. He could have been Richie Cunningham’s boring cousin…except he’s hiding a Mraz-y, jazzy, light voice with a big, high finish. He’s stupendous.

We’re having a good time, so we’re due for some Angry Women! And here she is! Vernicka Patterson! The first strike is that she’s singing “Loving You” by Minnie Ripperton, which is usually picked by women who can’t sing. I can’t tell you why. This girl could have used some training – her natural voice is decent, but her tone and pitch are off. The issue is that she thinks she’s perfect, and never bothered to ask anyone else. And confronted with this, she accuses the judges of size-ism. And Randy is having none of it. I love it. You tell her, Randy. I get being sad. But suck it up. I stopped feeling sorry for these people a long time ago.

More angry people. Oh well. I hope they sue people if they damage the cameras with their delusions. Here’s a guy with a bad Obama imitation. His name is Albert, and he’s another who would have benefited from training. He’s all over the place and he can’t stop doing note he shouldn’t be doing. Randy says he thought it was “terrible and a joke.” I am not sure that it was a joke, sadly, but Randy’s been sitting there all day and the clowns are running him down. Albert takes it like a grown-up.

If JLo was surprised by how much Albert blew it, she’s mind-blown by Scott the teacher kid, who looks like a Mathlete and sings like Amos Lee. I love Steven’s face when he hits the high notes, like he’s physically experiencing them. I love him.

Opera Bieber Girl? Bad but polite. Alyson Jados? Fierce. Fierce enough to incite a now-patented Steven Tyler Awkward Moment. Seriously. I know that girls this age must sometimes still try to get backstage at an Aerosmith show (although that kind of makes me sad), but you are not on the bus. You are on TV, where we don’t leer at children and still get to be adorable. Watch it. Anyway, Alyson is like Joan Jett’s niece or something. Or Leather Tuscadero. Totally Leather Tuscadero.

Alyson and Tyler do “Dream On” and I am glad that Gokey doesn’t run in and say “I know this part!” Because the song would crawl away and scream “Get the po-po! You’ve been warned, Gokey!” Again…I kid. She is a little pitchy, and I love that Tyler is honest about it as much as he loves her. She cries too…enough with the crying. But somehow I don’t mind it so much this time. She’s in.

We haven’t had a sad sad story today, so I knew one would have to come eventually. And here it is. Chris Medina has beautiful hair and a fiancee who suffered a traumatic brain injury. He’s stuck around, because he takes the vows he hasn’t yet taken seriously. I know there are going to be bloggers who think he’s milking this tragedy, like they accused Gokey of milking his wife’s death. But remember that the show capitalizes on these things, and that the singers don’t control the editing. I hope that if Chris, who is plenty talented, makes it far, he doesn’t do sad songs every week. And I hope that people give him a break.

Tomorrow – Nashville. This could be good…or not!

Brett Loewenstern from Spanish River High School in Boca.

I have heard that the first night of the “American Idol” auditions had much lower ratings than expected, the lowest of a premiere since the first one in 2002. But apparently it picked up viewers as the night went on. Let’s see what that means for the season.

Is it a good or a bad sign that the New Orleans auditions for “American Idol” start with some terrible kid freaking out because his version of “Smile” is more like a cry … for help? We’ll find out.

— Jordan Dorsey, a Louisiana music teacher, starts with a lovely “Somewhere Over The Rainbow,” while his family tells Seacrest that he looks taller on TV. JLo is squeaking and “has goose pimples all over my body.” Thanks for oversharing, dear! Jordan gets a golden ticket. Seacrest is still short.

— Najsha Parker, who sings “And I Am Telling You,” doesn’t have a bad voice, but doesn’t have a sense of pitch, tone or reality. You need those.

— Sarah Sellers may be Steven Tyler’s long-lost daughter, what with the pouty lips and such. She also does a version of Dylan’s “To Make You Feel My Love” that gives me chills – it’s tuneful, a little bluesy and sweet. Heck, yeah.

— Jovany, a ship builder, is crushing not only on JLo but on her husband, Marc Anthony. Steven thinks his melodic sensibilities are delicious. Um, OK. And then, because he told the guys in the shipyard he would, he takes his shirt off. Unfortunately, Randy and Steven join him. As Steven said yesterday, “Oh, Honey, no.”

Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone is having more fun this year?

— Jacquelyn Dupree brings Randy’s old football coach, who engages in a disturbing but amusing conversation with Steven about paddling Randy’s butt. We’re gonna need to watch Steven, aren’t we? He’s got Paula’s loopiness, but with some actual focus. Anyway, Jacquelyn also brings old photos of Randy from high school and a gorgeous voice. She’s through to the next round! And I still have the image of Randy getting his butt paddled in my head. I hate you, show.

— Hey! It’s Brett Loewenstern from Spanish River High School! I was told he was gonna be on here! Brett, who has amazing hair, was a victim of bullying but he’s overcoming it. He also has curling cream and baby oil in his hair … I might try that. THIS KID CAN SING. Oh, my. He is my new favorite, not just because we have similar hair and because maybe we’ll get a local “American Idol” finalist, but because he made “Bohemian Rhapsody” fresh. This is not easy to do.

— Because the last several people were good, I know that the next guy, Steven Tyler look-alike Gabriel Franks is gonna hurt my feelings. And here’s the thing — he doesn’t have a bad voice. He just chooses to display his not-bad voice with Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” He went freaky when he coulda just went normal. Then again, if he wasn’t clowning he wouldn’t have gotten on TV. Smarter than he seems.

I was hoping that New Orleans would not become Clown Town, but it was gonna happen, because there have to be freaks everywhere. There are freaks in masks, and a bad Blake Lewis clone with a Michael Jackson glove. As bad as they are, they aren’t hurting my soul as much as usual. But then again, it’s early.

— Alex Attardo went to Idol Camp. I cannot believe that he went through some professional training with people with musical ears who didn’t kindly, gently persuade him away from ever singing again. Or maybe they did, and someone wasn’t listening. Either way … Oh, Honey, no.

— Jacee is 15. He looks like a bully in a Fox sitcom. He has the voice of a bayou-raised angel. He actually seems to be understanding and interpreting the words of the song he’s singing, “Dock of the Bay,” which is a task 85 percent of the very young contestants can’t master. What an amazing kid. I wish I held out hopes that most of the 15-year-olds were gonna be that ready for this, but, as a bit character on “Law and Order: Criminal Intent” once said as her son was being dragged of to jail, “Hope is for suckers.”

— Paris Tassin had a problem pregnancy at 18 that resulted in an adorable baby girl who has hearing issues. I hope she’s good, but … remember what I said one paragraph ago about hope? Then again, they don’t usually show the sob stories if the singers are horrible. She has a pretty voice — some pitch problem that can be addressed with some training — but it’s enough to get her a ticket. She sounds like Carrie Underwood, whose song she is singing. I was not, you might remember, a Carrie Underwood fan, because I never felt a pulse under that lovely voice. But I get it with Paris. Go, girl.

New York / New Jersey auditions: Judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson. (Michael Becker / FOX)

More: ‘Idol’ debut lowest-rated since Season 1

Kid Rock, you can officially eat this here crow.

Because it was you, Bob from Michigan, who opined that Steven Tyler, the scarf-draped king of soulful rock screaming, would trash his Aerosmith legacy by joining the “American Idol” judging panel. Whatever, Cowboy. Steven, his big old sexy scary mouth, his perfect highlights and Steve Nicks-onian fashion sense, owned that joint, the joint being the judging table he shared during last night’s premiere with old “Idol” spice Randy Jackson and new spice Jennifer Lopez.

Here are just a few of his bonnest mots. And that’s not even a thing, but I just made it one, because with the power of Steven and his magic scarves, I feel like I can do everything, like even defy the accepted properties of English grammar. Chew on that, Bawitdaba!

— “Tushala.”

— “Oh, Honey, no.”

— “Not sure this is your forte.”

— “What we have here is a failure to communicate…musically.”

Not only is Steven awesome – he’s a good singer, a bonafide legend, a successful musician, a great engaging personality and an honest judge – but he seems to make his colleagues awesome, too. JLo, who everyone thought would diva out, is a sweetheart who hates telling people no, probably because she knows what it feels like. Even Randy, who never met a cliche he didn’t want to stomp into the ground with that bass he used to play for Journey, had some funny moments of authority.

Let’s be honest – last season was a disaster with the emotional and energy-based disconnect on the judging panel. Simon Cowell looked like he was counting down the seconds to his departure in his head, Ellen DeGeneres looked disheartened, Randy was unintelligible and Kara just didn’t work. But this group looked into it and ready to hear some singing already. Or, if need be, ready to dive under the table and cry. I know I did a couple of times.

Here’s my observation on a selected few:

– Rachel, 22, from NY, auditioned in Season 6 but didn’t make it past Hollywood. She sings “Hallelujah,” which just doesn’t need to ever be sung again. She’s a little shaky in the key department, but she has a gorgeous, warm voice. She’s going to Hollywood!

— Caleb Hawley of NY has one of those bluesy, throwback voices that suits him well, and sounds great with Tyler singing along. Steven needs to sing with everyone.

— Kenzie Palmer, one of those newly-sanctioned 15-year-olds we’ve been hearing about, is sort of boring, possibly because her naturally pretty voice hasn’t matured yet. Steven and JLo agree that she is missing some zing, but she gets through anyway.

— Lovely Achille, from the Ivory Coast, sings like Iman gargling with the blood of a contestant from Bravo’s “The Fashion Show” that she killed simply with the power of her contempt. She blames the carnage on her accent, but JLo is having none of it – “It’s more about the singing,” she says. Huzzah!

— Tiffany of Morris Plains, N.J. is a tragic Jersey Shore cliche with the voice of a goddess trapped inside by the hairspray fumes. She shows up with giant stars on her boobs, but has such a great voice she blows everyone’s mind. After all, most people resort to cheapness and buffoonery because they have nothing else. The judges love her, but warn that she’d better cut the shtick and just be good. This Kid Rock CD says she’s gonna freeze and blow it.

— Robby Rosen looks like a young Horshack but sings like a “Glee” wannabe. Sort of standard, but nice.

— Chris the Eagle Scout is the first of the season’s special snowflakes, a kid whose parents ought to be shaken because in their coddling and protectiveness, they failed to tell him that he can’t sing. While he’s inside futzing around, the whole family is out there with Seacrest honestly wondering if he’s gonna be good. Here’s a clue – he’s not. And you should know this, Family. You set that boy up. Scout’s honor. Michael Perotto, who goofs his way through “Proud Mary,” is another one – “People would tell me if I sucked,” he insists. Apparently not. Giant fail, America.

— Ashley Sullivan of Springfield, Mass. is my kind of crazy – super sincere, very funny, and looking like the love child of Winona Ryder and Illeana Douglas. Her Broadway voice gets the “Meh” face initially, but after she begs and insists that America and Idol “needs to get with Liza,” everyone seems alternately charmed and exhausted, and Steven and JLo let her through. Steven declares her to be his personal project. Dream on, man.

— Victoria Huggins is a southern slice of adorable, and she’s so sweet that my teeth all detached themselves from my gums and jumped into a vat of Sensodyne. Not excited about her. Sorry.

— Melinda Adem, the refugee from Kosovo, is good, but her voice will be even better when she’s 20. Devyn the singing waitress is phenomenal. Genice, the “I’m A Believer” girl. isn’t as bad as everyone thinks, but the judges seemed to have so much fun singing over her that they missed that. Yikes.

— Can we all agree that Yoji Pop, the Japanese Michael Jackson imitator who refused to sing Michael Jackson, is the most awesome resident of the Clown Town portion of these auditions that we’ve ever seen? He’s so campy and weird (“I have one song, but I hate it”) but still fascinating. And he managed to make a Miley Cyrus song kinda dirty. Bravura, young man.

— Brielle with the cancer-surviving doo wop dad has a great story, but it’s stronger than her voice. Sorry. The judges agree she’s got some work to do, but they sort of had to let her through.

— The last kid, Travis from the Bronx, also has a sob story, but a better voice. He and his family have been homeless, and see Travis’ gift as a saving grace. He delivers a jazz “Eleanor Rigby” that’s punchy and fun. I hope he gets far. And I hope even more than his family is OK.

I was pleasantly surprised because I don’t hate anything yet. But it’s the first night.

A commenter on this very Web site had a funny response to the wire story we posted about Kara DioGuardi’s departure from the “American Idol” judges panel – “This show went the way of the buffalo the minute it went from talent to drama.”

What’s interesting is that this is the only comment, because there was a time where just typing the words “American Idol” on a blog netted you at leaat 10 immediate comments – five “I love what happened!” three “I hate what happened,” one “Who cares about this show?” and one yelling at the guy who says he didn’t care about caring enough to comment in the first place.

But now, in the middle of media-hyped speculation about who will replace former judges Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres, the news that yet another judge has shuffled off this “Idol” coil rates one very “meh” response about why, essentially, everyone’s “meh” about this show.

And that’s OK – what show can maintain anywhere near the hype that “Idol” has for eight years? Very, very few. The commenter is right that the show’s taken a downward turn because in trying to shake things up, it’s focused on drama and head games (“Which of these kids is safe? We’ll find out…AFTER THE BREAK!”), dubious auditions and even more dubious casting choices rather than say “Can this person sing?”

Kara, a noted songwriter and producer who happened to write one of my favorite songs, “Taking Chances,” was supposed to help turn that around – she had unimpeachable credentials that would make her a good judge of talent. And I was thrilled that she was going to be an authoritative voice, like Simon, who had something Simon lacks – experience as a performer (I always thought that if he had ever had that experience of nakedly standing in front of a crowd being judged, he’d have a different perspective).

But Kara on paper didn’t really translate to the show – she came off snotty, like when she’d say “Look, we thought you were gonna suck but you didn’t!” or completely focused on whether she could sell the person rather than if they could sing (Her critiques often used the word “commercial” but didn’t explain what the singer could do to, you know, sound better). Her attempts to be warm came off insincere, which might not be her fault – sometimes you can’t help how you come across. But I’m not sorry to see her go.

To me, Kara’s biggest problem was that she wasn’t sure who she was supposed to be, which is, again, between her and the producers. She’s not Paula Abdul with her sparkly sunshine and clear contestant advocacy, and I think that when she tried to be cuddly it didn’t work. I wish she hadn’t tried, because nobody expects the male judges to be. Her credentials weren’t about holding hands. But her advice seemed to contradict itself, like Randy Jackson’s often does – they would complain that a singer needed to be more flexible, and  the next week complain that they weren’t staying true to who they were. While Randy’s way ot saying this was usually just matter-of-fact, Kara seemed often annoyed that the singers weren’t getting it. Just like a producer might do. But there’s a reason every producer isn’t also a TV star. Impatience isn’t fun to watch. There were no clear advocates on that panel last year, even though Ellen tried. And that’s not Kara’s fault. But I think she got blamed for it.

All in all, I just don’t know if Kara was ever a good choice for on-air punditry, because something in her, on camera, diminished her very real credentials. I think back to her first audition year, when Kara was confronted with Bikini Girl, a passable singer with a stank attitude who had more faith in her abs than in her vocal ability. When Kara tried to demonstrate why Bikini Girl’s version of “Vision of Love” wasn’t quote right, by singing it herself, it was an immediate wake-up call to the viewer that “Wait! The new girl can sing!” She risked coming off like a show-off, but I kind of liked it – she was saying to this girl, and to the viewers “I’m a pro, and I know what I am talking about.”

But at the finale, when Bikini Girl, who apparently had learned nothing, showed up in her bikini to sing again, Kara showed up looking better in her bikini and outsinging her, it was just awkward. And embarrassing – for Kara. This little goofy girl apparently didn’t have the self-awareness to know that she’s become a joke, and this adult woman who was supposed to be the professional came off looking needy, like she had to show up a younger woman to feel better about herself. What an ugly moment.

I have no idea who is gonna join the panel, and, like the commenter, don’t care as much as I used to. But I hope that it’s someone who is confident enough in their credentials and clear enough in their delivery to answer more questions than they create. And I wish Kara luck – this experience could translate into a great song, no?

People began lining up for wristbands outside early Thursday morning. By 9 a.m., supervising producer Patrick Lynn estimated there were upward of 10,000 people waiting in the nearly 90-degree heat.

Contestants are mixed on Cowell’s departure. Some are relieved they won’t have to face him; others wish they could get his critique.

Wristbands will be handed out Thursday and Friday, with auditions beginning Saturday.

There’s another difference this year — the minimum age for contestants has been lowered from to 15 from 16. Lynn says the success of tween sensation Justin Bieber is part of the reason.

It’s been two years since singer Janet Jackson performed on a concert stage and her fans say that’s been two years too long.

Jackson marks her return with a performance at the Louisiana Superdome on opening night of the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans.

Jackson said she’s excited about the appearance.

Fans got a glimpse of her new, sassy, short-cropped hair and her signature, shapely figure on the finale show of “American Idol.” On the show, she rocked classics like “Again” and “Nasty” and her latest release, “Nothing,” from the soundtrack of the movie, “Why Did I Get Married Too?,” in which she also starred.

The festival runs through Sunday.

More: Directions, nearby dining

By HOWARD COHEN

If it’s a “Battlefield” out there, as Jordin Sparks sings, the peppy American Idol sixth-season winner — the last female champ — has her ammo ready.

Armed with a handful of hit singles from her 2007 post-Idol debut and the title track from last year’s Battlefield, the Arizona native has enough material for her first headlining tour. She plays Fort Lauderdale’s Revolution on Tuesday.

A month after her tour ends, Sparks, 20, the youngest singer to win Idol, steps into her first Broadway role, as Stanford dropout Nina Rosario in the Tony-winning musical, In the Heights.

"The cool thing is I saw the play for the first time in February and fell in love with it and met with the writer. I didn’t know anything would come of it,’ Sparks says on the telephone from Cincinnati on one of her few days off.

A day off? "Awesome!’ she said, giggling.

More of our conversation:

That’s quite a feat, jumping from the tour to a role in a major musical. How will you find rehearsal time?

"I’ve been listening to the music nonstop. When I love a song, it’s easy for me to get it stuck in my head. I have that part memorized. I have to work on the lines and exits and entrances and then I have about three weeks to do rehearsals for the opening.

"I’m so excited. I love Broadway. My dad played football for the Giants and so we would to go Broadway a lot. I always wanted to do it, I just didn’t know when. I think I’m up for the challenge.”

Since you won American Idol its format has changed and ratings and quality have declined. How can it be fixed?

"Instruments are great but American Idol started as a singing competition, that was the whole point of the show. That’s one thing I’d change. Put the focus back more on the singer. I don’t know if they should add another judge — with three, the vibe was really good. I’m not sure how I feel about the save (rule). I was glad Mike (Lynche) was saved and, at the same time, that defeats the purpose of people voting.”

What was the process in making your second album?

"With Battlefield, it had been two years since the Jordin Sparks CD and I had more time to work on it. I’d gone through a little bit so I grew up and learned about the industry and myself. It was cool to put my thoughts on paper and it became a song. That’s the most amazing thing. You start out with nothing and then have this production and song. I go to a different place when I perform those songs.”

You partnered with Allstate on this tour to promote an initiative called X the TXT. What is that about?

“Me and mom joined the campaign. It affects kids my age, but affects my mom’s generation as well. Not everybody texts and drives, but it’s becoming more widespread. We want to say keep your thumb off the phone and your eyes on the road.”

Jordin Sparks performs at 6 p.m. Tuesday at Revolution, 200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale. $20.50; 954-727-0950.

The show is over, the confetti all swept away, but “American Idol” winner Lee DeWyze and runner-up Crystal Bowersox are just getting started.

The 24-year-old singers talked with reporters Friday about what lies ahead as they launch their professional music careers.

Bowersox says she forsees a future that includes diverse music, drama and diabetes advocacy, adding that she’d love to work with fellow diabetic Bret Michaels. The dreadlocked single mom from Toledo, Ohio, says she’ll be meeting with record executives next week to discuss her musical future.

Discussions for DeWyze’s debut album have already begun, he says.

“It’s been a crazy experience, the whole album-making thing, and talking and going to the meetings about it and everything,” says the shy former paint-store clerk from Mount Prospect, Ill., adding that he’ll have a lot of say in the sound and will also be writing new tracks for the record.

Expect “a folk/rock/alternative vibe,” he says. “I want it to be very earthy … I’m looking to make an album that can really speak to everybody, good stories and good music to back it up, because that’s the kind of stuff I like to listen to.”

Both “Idol” stars will be recording their albums while traveling the country on the “American Idols Live! Tour,” which begins July 1 in Detroit.

Bowersox scored an “Idol” first when she played her own original song, “Holy Toledo,” on a recent episode, and she’s excited to play it again when she performs in her hometown during the “Idol” tour.

She also hopes to write new music for her album and collaborate with some of her heroes, including Melissa Etheridge, Ray LaMontagne and Leslie Feist.

“The craziest thing is it’s all possible now to work with these people,” she says. “I can say it and it can be true.”

Bowersox is also interested in acting: “Drama was my first love, actually, before music.”

DeWyze is looking forward to the live shows and collaborating with a range of artists, too.

“I’m just excited to get on the big stage and really put on a performance, put on a show without time limits, without judging,” he says.

Regarding his forthcoming album, he says, “There’s a good list of people that I’ve been told I’m going to be getting a chance to work with, and I’m just stoked about it because I think it’s going to come out really, really well.”

Not faring so well, at least in the ratings department, is the Fox singing contest itself.

The DeWyze-Bowersox duel failed to ignite ratings for the two-hour show Wednesday, which fell sharply from seasons past, according to Nielsen Co. figures.

A total of 24.2 million viewers watched this year’s finale, compared to the nearly 29 million viewers who saw Kris Allen win over Adam Lambert last year and the more than 31 million who tuned in for David Cook’s victory over David Archuleta in 2008.

The 2003 finale between winner Ruben Studdard and runner-up Clay Aiken, an hourlong show, drew a series-high 38.1 million viewers.

“American Idol,” long TV’s top-rated series, faced slumping viewership this year and at times was bested by ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” in the weekly ratings. But the singers beat the hoofers in their respective finales, with “Dancing” on Tuesday drawing 18.4 million viewers.

Fuller created the “Idol” franchise but sold his company to CKX Inc. in 2005.

CKX says it is evaluating the proposal and other strategic alternatives, but did say how much Fuller’s group is offering to pay. The company also owns the rights to the name, image and likeness of Elvis Presley and Muhammad Ali.

Fuller’s bid comes after a seven-year run for “American Idol,” which said goodbye to its famously caustic judge Simon Cowell on Wednesday.

While “Idol” remains the nation’s favorite show, it has seen audience erosion this season.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TES_Eb0unYc

Last night’s “American Idol” finale was a lesson in what becomes a legend most – confidence, stage presence, and the ability to sell a song like it was a Mercedes. Janet Jackson most captured what that means, in her kicking new short hair cut, dangerously low cut catsuit and flawless performance. Although “Nasty” stole the show, she sang a little of her 1993 hit hit “Again” with the Singerlings, who I hope were taking notes.

And that reminded me of the original video, with references to “Poetic Justice,” Janet’s movie at the time, and an appearance from soon-to-be “CSI” star Gary Dourdan, then just known as The Fine Guy Who Dated Whitley on “A Different World.” Beautiful man. Beautiful video.

Beautiful Janet.

SPOILER ALERT! DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW WHO WON!

The biggest surprise of last night’s “American Idol” was that there seemed no question that the guy who won, Lee DeWyze, had been absolutely outsung by competitor Crystal Bowersox the night before. Heck, he was outsung by Bret Michaels, and that dude just got released from the iron lung, didn’t he?

Heck, I’m a Lee DeWyze fan, and even I was hit with the “WHAT THE…” stick when host Ryan Seacrest announced that the Chicago paint salesman had taken the ninth season crown.

“He’s not a very good singer,” commented a friend sitting with me, who had never watched the show before. “I thought everyone said the girl was better. Why did he win?”

Oh, I don’t know, Friend. Maybe the good will that Lee gained over the last several weeks of truly moving performances covered his pitchiness and lack of energy on Tuesday. Maybe everyone who thinks he’s cute voted a lot. Maybe it’s fixed. Maybe all the paint salesmen of America rallied to support their own.

All I know is that  even though Lee was my favorite contestant of the whole season, even I knew he hadn’t earned that thing based on his singing in the actual final. What’s worse – I don’t think it matters. Crystal is gonna be fine, and I guess he will be, too. And the public is spared another “uplifting” Kara DioGuardi single. 19 Entertainment gets to count its money, and Simon Cowell gets to go to his new show “The X Factor,” older, wiser and with the knowledge that he’s left a slightly listing ship.

Who are we kidding? It’s not slightly. That thing’s tilting and the silverware’s starting to fall off the table. And it’s the show’s fault – their insistence on commerce, on shock and cheap “Hey, that’s a bad audition!” moments at the expense of taking time to get to know the contestants has made the whole thing boring and slow. They need better contestants. They need to abandon the pretense of looking for a product and go back to trying to a good singer. Stop giving compliments like “You’re so commercial!” and find ones worthy of compliments like “That was absolutely gorgeous. I was moved and glad I was here to witness that.”

And here’s a secret, “Idol?” Did you realize last night as Simon said his farewells how much work you truly have ahead of you to make this thing work? Because “the mean one” was also the one that the viewers and contestants trusted, the judge of record. Paula Abdul. who returned to give a typical Paula-rific prattle about Simon and their fictional love child and somebody’s boobs or something, was always the sweet one. But then again, so was Simon in a way, because he seemed, at least before this season, truly invested in what was the best for the singers, whether they wanted to hear it or not. He wasn’t going to lie to you, and that’s honestly a sweeter and nicer approach than “No, baby, everything you do is AWESOME!”

But now that he’s gone, there’s no one that we trust. Randy Jackson’s trying too hard to be relevant, Kara is trying to hard to be Simon, and I honestly don’t know what Ellen DeGeneres is doing. All I know is that I might not even watch this thing next year. I certainly won’t be following it like I do now, not unless it rattles itself awake.

Oh well. Enough about why the show sucked this year. Quick thoughts about the finale:

— JANET JACKSON! See, kids, that’s what 45-year-olds can do! It’s called energy, y’all! I didn’t love her outfit, but she seemed so engaged and happy to be there. I especially liked her singing “Again” with the kids. My only complaint is that she and the other celebs didn’t do enough singing WITH the kids. I don’t wanna see a concert. I wanna see you engage with the kids, because that moment should be about passing the torch.

— Loved Chicago and Lee. I am aware that the kids didn’t maybe get it. But I’ve been wanting them to come on for years, because their songs are pretty timeless. And the horn players dance! 60-year-old dudes who dance with horns are sorta awesome.

— Can Bret Michaels please go home and take a nap? I am so worried about him! I will say that even half-dead and unhealthy, he was so honestly engaged and sweet that he made Casey “Snoozy McGee” James seem in the moment. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” still sounds good, doesn’t it? But Bret…please take a nap. Why couldn’t Casey have been that good all season? I guess he just needed Bret. I think Bret should be a mentor next year, but then again I don’t want to suggest more work for him.

— I loved Michael McDonald being so sweet about heralding Big Mike, like he was his equal. They sounded great together on “Taking It To The Street.” You know, “Idol,” that it wouldn’t hurt you to have more than one soulful singer a year, right? And risking the wrath of all those idiots who piled on the hate for Big Mike because he dare have some confidence and believe that he had the right to be there – Shut. It. He’s great and he doesn’t have to apologize to you losers. Confidence and cockiness are cousins, yes. But if you really are that good, it’s ok to believe it if it helps you sing better.

— I have never loved the comic stylings of Dane Cook, but his “Simon Says” song was pretty funny until the Clown Town Singers showed up and ruined everything. Oh well. My chance to get Dane Cook was ruined by that idiot in the pimp hat. I hate you for that, Show.

— And speaking of ruining a bit – I was loving General Larry and his “Pants On The Ground” moment before William Hung showed up. Can we please stop giving this guy a platform? Nobody but him ever believed that he was showcased as an example of how the show makes dreams come true. It was to make fun of him. It was gross.

— Where were Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken?

— Joe Cocker continues to frighten me with his awesomeness and the possibility that one day, he’s gonna scream so sharply that his eyes pop out of his head like a used Muppet.

— Loved Alanis and Crystal! I know Crystal skews ’90s, but if you’re gonna do that, you might as well summon the Queen.

Alright, so it’s over. Great. Bye. Can’t promise that I care enough to come back next year, although I might return depending on who the new judge is. I usually need a nap at this time of year, but the whole thing was so low-energy, it didn’t affect me enough for me to invest. And that’s sort of sad.

“General” Larry Platt jumped from his chair, dashed off the porch of the tiny house in Reynoldstown and scooted into the driver’s seat of a car in the driveway.

“I got it right here,” he said, fiddling with the car stereo.

In seconds, bass throbbed from the speakers and careened off the graffitied walls of the boarded-up house across the street.

“Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! You looking like a fool with your pants on the ground!”

The tidy yard filled with pots of cabbage and tomato plants was Platt’s stage as he danced in the grass and sang along. “Gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways …” Seated on the porch, his manager Earl Little, “friend” Sally Harley and a visitor looked on. The “general” did not stop singing until the last note of the song he made famous in January when he auditioned for “American Idol.”

But is it legally his song?

Click here for more on this story at AccessAtlanta.com.

At a news conference Monday in Los Angeles, Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze joked around when asked about competing against each other.

The 24-year-old DeWyze, from Mount Prospect, Ill., said he’d be happy for Bowersox if she won, then teased her by saying he was engaging in strategy.

Bowersox, 24, of Toledo, Ohio, who said she and DeWyze have a friendly rivalry, suggested they “freak everybody out” by starting a band.

The pair will sing on the Fox TV show at 8-9 p.m. EDT Tuesday, with the results to be announced in a two-hour finale airing at 8 p.m. EDT Wednesday.