It’s always funny — but mostly boring — when Dancing with the Stars tries to build up all this suspense when there really isn’t any.

Like last night, we all knew no one was going home since Misty May-Treanor had to leave the show after tearing her Achilles tendon. There was no way the producers were gonna send two people home the same week. That would’ve meant Dancing‘s scheduled run ending a week earlier than expected. And one lost week means a lot of ad revenue down the drain. And no network is going to let all that moolah disappear like that.

So, instead of watching someone packing his or her bags, we were told who would’ve went home if Misty wasn’t forced out. And that someone would’ve been the slow-footed Rocco.

OK, Rocco is no Fred Astaire, but I don’t understand why he gets the boot before Cloris Leachman. As much praise as she deserves for throwing her 82-year-old body all over the dance floor, Cloris’ performances (you can’t really call them that now) have become ghastly train wrecks. And that wreckage needs to be cleaned up and voted off.

It wouldn’t be a true Dancing with the Stars season without an injury the show’s ratings-hungry producers could milk for dramatic effect.

On the very first show, Jeff Ross suffered a scratched cornea. But that was a minor injury. Besides, Jeff got kicked off the very next night, so it didn’t really matter.

But Misty May-Treanor suffered a much more serious injury. During rehearsal, she heard a “pop.” Those popping sounds are never good. X-rays revealed Misty tore her Achilles tendon. She’s scheduled to have surgery today so Misty’s Dancing days are over…for now. And that’s too bad. Misty was a serious contender and could’ve easily made it to the top three. Instead, she’ll be hobbling around on crutches for a while as Matt Treanor, her Florida Marlins hubby, plays man nurse.

Get well fast, Misty. We’re gonna miss you…and that Matrix/dominatrix outfit.

Here’s the lowdown on the healthy star hoofers…

Susan Lucci: I don’t want to give up on Susan ’cause she’s so wonderfully feisty and strong as Erica Kane on All My Children, but she’s really making it difficult not to. Once again, mousy Susan failed to channel her inner Erica Kane. Granted, she had a bum ankle and it’s not easy dancing on a bum ankle, but Susan just doesn’t look confident or comfortable on the dance floor even when she has too good ankles. Sure, she smiles and twirls and looks pretty. But she also looks like she’d rather be somewhere else. Like back in her comfort zone on All My Children.

Lance Bass: No one takes more risks. But sometimes that gets Lance and Lacey in trouble with the big, bad judges. This week they played it safe with a traditional Viennese waltz and it paid off. Lance and Lacey were elegant and graceful. But no man should be forced to be all pimped out in a purple suit and blue shoes.

Maurice Greene: Mr. Happy Man was also Mr. Happy Feet. Jumping rope and hoping through tires did wonders for Maurice. Great footwork and, as usual, loads of high-steppin’ energy.

Rocco Dispirto: After watching Rocco performing, uh, something, ’cause it sure wasn’t a Viennese waltz, Bruno cracked that the star chef danced like a “lump of potatoes.” I couldn’t have said it better.

Warren Sapp: Another week, another strong dance for the Sappster. Big man definitely has some rhythm and he continues to be light on his feet. And only a real man can rock a pink shirt the way the Sappster did last night.

Cody Linley: Cody’s so much fun to watch. How many 18-year-olds get to dance with hot hoofers like Julianne every week? You can tell Cody is having a blast. Last week his hand lingered just a few extra seconds longer than it was supposed to over Julianne’s bouncy rear. Dude was copping a free feel for real! This week he was munching on her leg like it was the last T-bone steak on earth. I agree with the judges who said Cody started out strong, but kinda fizzled at the end. He’s still going far in the competition, though. Remember, there are millions of Hannah Montana fans out there. And they all have cell phones. And they know how to use them. And they’re not afraid to.

Toni Braxton: I’m sorry, but that whole Marie Antoinette thing didn’t work for me. Len was right on the money when he said Toni’s too good of a dancer to resort to using gimmicks and props.

Cloris Leachman: Speaking of gimmicks and props, that’s exactly what Cloris needs. Well, she won’t much longer. After her slow-footed jive, or whatever it was she and Corky were doing, Cloris’ time is up tonight.

Brooke Burns: Len called Brooke’s Viennese waltz the best dance of the season. Well, I wouldn’t have gone that far. I thought it was good, but lacking in some passion and emotion. What was more entertaining was watching Brooke and Derek getting into a hissy fit during rehearsal. He said her mind was “lazy.” She said he made her feel like an “idiot.” I say it was foreplay.

It’s week two on Dancing with the Stars, although after last week’s three-episode premiere, it already feels like week seven.

Here’s the lowdown on the 11 remaining star hoofers…

Toni Braxton: I didn’t pay as much attention to Toni’s rumba as I should have. The problem? I was too distracted by all that garish pancake makeup she packed on that pretty face of hers. Toni almost looked like a corpse. I said almost. Toni’s still fine. The judges loved her dance a little more than I did.

Brooke Burns: Another so-so performance the judges liked but I just thought was eh. My standards are kinda high for Brooke because, well, she’s kinda good.

Rocco Dispirito:It’s looking more and more like Rocco should only dance in the kitchen. And in the privacy of his own home. His hips are still too stiff and his footwork is beyond bad. Bruno cracked me up when he said all Rocco did during his awful paso doble was stand there like The Thing. The guy is trying hard, I’ll give him that. But it’s not enough. He sure knows how to make food sexy, though. Loved how he described risotto as tasting like “cashmere in your mouth.” I gotta remember that line.

Lance Bass: Another “eh” performance. The best part? The surprise smooch. Lance and Lacey dig being all funky and hip, but if they don’t take a more traditional approach soon, they may find themselves getting the boot soon.

Kim Kardashian: Ah, poor Kimmy. What can I say that I haven’t said already? If you can’t bring the sexy back when the creator of the Pussycat Dolls is your instructor, well, there’s little hope you ever will. Kim’s rumba had all the passion and sizzle of a tax return. You could almost feel the life being sucked out of the ballroom as Kim twirled around the floor like a disinterested zombie. She dances like she wants to go home. Perhaps she does. It’s time for Kimmy to pack “all that gear in the rear” and hit the road.

Misty May-Treanor: Go Misty! Was she rockin’ that whole dominatrix ‘tude, or what? But she still needs to learn the art of elegance and grace. There are moments when I’m afraid she’s gonna spike her partner Maks right in front of fuddy-duddy Len and bark, “Take that, old man!”

Maurice Greene: I love Maurice. No one looks happier to be on the show. Sometimes he looks a little too happy, like last week when he blurted “winner, winner, chicken dinner!” after earning impressive marks. I don’t wanna be mean, but there’s an Uncle Tom-ish quality about Maurice I find a tad unsettling. If Bruno asked him to dance on the table like a trained monkey, something tells me he’d gladly oblige. He tries really hard, but watching those belly dancers didn’t help Maurice move his hips like he was supposed to. His rumba was way too robotic and mechanical.

Cloris Leachman: I can’t believe the old broad (and I say that with nothing but affection!) toned it down a few notches last night. Maybe she realized her over-the-top antics and profanity-laced tirades were getting older than she is. The judges gave her and Corky a 15. I thought they deserved better than that. Cloris actually took the dance seriously and performed well. Clearly, the judges are ready for her to leave. So was I last week. But after Kim’s dismal performance, she’s the one who should be sent packing tonight.

Susan Lucci: Was it just me, or did Susan look like a far thinner and way older Kim Kardashian during that horrible rumba? She looked just as bored. Susan’s having a tough time unleashing her inner Erica Kane. A very tough time.

Warren Sapp: The best dance of the night! Loved the whole Matrix vibe. Warren was cooler than the other side of the pillow and stylin’ like no one’s business as Black Neo. And his footwork? Magnificent!

Cody Linley: I really like this kid. He has great energy and enthusiasm, a boyish charm that’s impossible to ignore and a funny sense of humor. Cody doesn’t take himself that seriously and is willing to make fun of himself. All that and he’s got impressive hoofing skills. But he’s young. Someone needs to pull him aside and say, “Dude, a woman needs to do way more than give you a Twinkie and a piece of chicken to win your heart. At least make her throw in a six-pack.”

It always stinks to be the first person voted off any reality show. Instead of fifteen minutes of fame, the booted person gets more like five seconds. And when the inevitable reunion show rolls around, no one really remembers you because you were sent packing so early.

Jeffrey Ross knows how that feels now after getting booted off Dancing with the Stars last night. The ouster was hardly shocking. Jeffrey was arguably one of the worst dancers in the show’s history. But at least he’s funny, so I was kinda hoping he was gonna stick around a few more weeks.

Loved his line about his partner Edyta, who sent Jeffrey to the hospital with a scratched cornea. “They told me Edyta was gonna be easy on the eyes,” Jeffrey cracked.

See ya on those Comedy Central roasts, Jeffrey.

Here’s the lowdown on the remaining celebrity dancers…

Misty May-Treanor: Misty may have legs that go on from here to Beijing, but unfortunately she suffers from Marie Osmond Disease. Translation: She’s unable to move her hips. OK, her hips move, but not in a very seductive manner. And the mambo is all about the seductive and the sexy. If Macho Man Maks can find a cure, Misty will be in this thing for the long run.

Kim Kardashian: What a shame. All that junk in the trunk and Kim has no idea what to do with it on the dance floor. “Everyone is gonna, like, expect, like, this sexy thing and I’m really not.” Well, you could’ve fooled me. You’re sexy as all get-out, Kimmy. The problem is, you’re not comfortable with it. Kim said she needs to take a “Booty 101″ class. (Did she read my blog yesterday?) She’s right. If you can’t get down to Baby Got Back when all you have is back, there’s a problem. Mark knew he was dancing with a lifeless mannequin and tried to overcompensate by working harder on stage than James Brown and MC Hammer combined.

Lance Bass: A so-so performance after a super hot performance the night before. Carrie Ann wasn’t impressed. Neither was I. But Lancey baby isn’t going anywhere. Mediocre performances happen. The trick is to make sure they don’t happen often.

Maurice Greene: No star hoofer looks like he’s having more fun than Mean Greene The Dancing Machine. How could I tell? Well, when Maurice learned he and Cheryl earned a 21, he got all country-fried happy and blurted through a toothy grin, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner!” I’m not really sure what that means, but I’m guessing Maurice was pretty happy with his score and his performance. And you gotta give the guy props for breaking out The Worm! What’s next? The Running Man? The Moonwalk?

Brooke Burns: “Sen-say-shun-ullllll!!!” Yeah, you know Bruno’s excited when he adds extra syllables to his adjectives. But I agree with him. Brooke was pretty darn good. Great posture.

Cloris Leachman: Ah, Cloris, honey. You sure know how to entertain. At 82, Cloris is in terrific shape and I give her tons of credit for going on the show, but her foul-mouthed schtick is gonna get old soon. She actually called Carrie Ann a b—h. And her R-rated mambo with Cory was a little icky and gave me the creeps. No one wants to see a woman who’s only 18 years shy of her 100th birthday grabbing crotches and smacking booties. I know I don’t. “I’m leaving,” Cloris yelled in mock indignation after receiving a 16. She’s right. And it’ll probably be soon. Like tonight.

Toni Braxton: A nice quickstep even if it looked like Toni’s head was about to fall off during that weird-looking hold.

Warren Sapp: His Purple Badness proved once again to be light on his feet. Great footwork for a dude who used to eat quarterbacks for a living.

Ted McGinley: I actually enjoyed Ted’s mambo but watched it a second time after Carrie Ann pointed out Ted’s “awkwardness.” On second viewing, I saw she was right. Like Steve Guttenberg, Ted has a tendency to over-exaggerate his moves and facial expressions. If he doesn’t take it down a notch, he’ll get canceled like all those shows he used to be on.

Cody Linley: The Boy became a Man last night. That’s what a good quickstep will do for you. I like this Cody kid. Maybe I’ll even start watching Hannah Montana. Uh, on second thought, I don’t like him that much.

Rocco Dispirito: I think the judges saw a different mambo than I did. Carrie Ann called Rocco’s performance “super sexy.” Bruno dubbed him the new “Italian Stallion.” Me? I saw a stiff-hipped chef who looked like he was playing hopscotch.

Susan Lucci: Just an average quickstep that had no sizzle or heat. Susan still failed to channel her inner Erica Kane. She needs to do that — and eat a little.

The 43rd season of Dancing with the Stars kicked off last night in a blaze of sequins, cha-chas and one very impressive cleavage.

Wait, someone just reminded me it was the show’s seventh season premiere. My bad. Sure seems like Dancing‘s been on longer than that, right?

Anyhoo, I’m just glad it’s back and kinda ticked off that it’s up against, like, 28 other shows I wanna watch on Mondays at 8 — yes, I’m talking about Gossip Girl, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The Big Bang Theory and Chuck. I’m afraid my two DVRs are gonna explode.

Dancing started with a record number 13 star hoofers, including the oldest contestant ever (Cloris Leachman at 82) and the youngest (Cody Linley at 18). Two stars, however, will be gone after tonight.

Here’s my take on the first night’s performances.

Kim Kardashian: Kim looked gorgeous with that old-fashioned Greta Garbo ‘do, but she danced with all the passion of a robot. With a booty like hers, Kim needs to let loose. I’m assuming that’s what Bruno meant when he said Kim needs to make herself “more available.” It’s OK to have fun, Kimmy. Well all know how you love to party with big-name rappers and even bigger name NFL stars. I’ll just chalk week one’s so-so performance up to a serious case of nervousness.

Lance Bass: The hottest male dancer of the night. His cha-cha with former So You Think You Can Dance finalist Lacey Schwimmer had sizzle, edge and attitude. You know Joey Fatone was in the audience going, “Dang! I didn’t know dude had skills like that!” To hear Lance tell it, he didn’t and was a terrible dancer while shaking his groove thang as a member of N’SYNC. Could’ve fooled me.

Toni Braxton: Sultry and sexy. But did you expect anything less? I worry about her, though. What with her heart condition, and all. Hell, I worry about myself! I’m sure Toni’s gonna break out some eye-popping dental floss outfit that’ll make my ticker beat a little faster than normal.

Brooke Burke: Great legs. Great hip action. Don’t expect to see the leggy mommy going home any time soon.

Rocco Dispirito: Perhaps Rocco would’ve fared better if he was dancing with a spatula instead of a person. But, in his defense, his partner Karina Smirnoff did have an ankle injury. OK, so even if Karina was 100 percent, it probably wouldn’t have made much difference.

Maurice Greene: Brotha Olympian definitely has some rhythm. But he’s still a little rough around the edges. Maurice has to remember his in a ballroom dance competition and not at some hot South Beach club.

Cloris Leachman: If I live to be 82 (a psychic once told me I’ll probably kick the bucket at 84), I hope I have the same kind of energy Cloris does and am able to prop my leg on a table like she did last night. Cloris’ foxtrot wasn’t really, well, a foxtrot. But she did entertain. She also sucked up to the judges like no other star hoofer in the show’s history. It didn’t matter. She still earned only a 16 out of a possible 30 points. But Cloris is 82, for crying out loud! And when you’re, uh, that mature, a 16 has to be considered good.

Cody Linley: I don’t watch Hannah Montana so I wasn’t familiar with Cody. But I was immediately impressed with his moves and enthusiasm. He could go far. Heck, since he’s only 18, he sure won’t get tired as fast.

Misty May-Treanor: Misty has great guns. If someone decides to make a Xena: Warrior Princess movie and Lucy Lawless isn’t available, Misty would be the perfect stand-in. She’s pretty, tough and has those guns I just mentioned. As for her dancing, she certainly has potential. Misty just has to learn to look a little more ladylike and graceful on the dance floor and remember there are no volleyballs around to pound into submission.

Ted McGinley: TV’s ultimate show killer said he felt like James Bond last night. Well, he did 007 proud. Ted sure looked mighty spiffy in that tux. And his footwork wasn’t half bad.

Jeffrey Ross: There have been some awful dancers on the show (Clyde Drexler, Jerry Springer immediately come to mind) and Jeffrey is right up there with them. But Jeffrey’s a stand-up comic. So his job description is a little different. He’s not supposed to dance well and win. He’s supposed to dance bad, make some funny cracks and then go home. Which is exactly what will happen.

Susan Lucci: Carrie Ann called The Great Erica Kane “frail!” I know millions of rabid All My Children fans were screaming, “Oh no she didn’t!” Well, she sure did. I don’t know about frail, but Susan did look a little nervous and timid out there. But I think she’ll be stronger tonight because the Erica Kane in her will make sure that she is.

Warren Sapp: The big fella is pretty light on his feet, isn’t he? NFL players have done really well on the show. While Sapp is no Jason Taylor or Emmitt Smith, he has a nice bounce in his step. If he can keep his eyes off his cutie-pie partner long enough, the one-time defensive tackle should stay in the game for several weeks.

It’s finally official. ABC has unveiled the star hoofers for the seventh season of Dancing with the Stars, which is scheduled to premiere Sept. 22. As reported in this blog space last week, Misty May-Treanor, wife of Florida Marlins catcher Matt Treanor, is one of the dancers.

Here are the others…

Toni Braxton: The sultry R&B star known for her throaty voice and wearing eye-popping outfits that look more like dental floss than clothes.

Lance Bass: Former N’Sync star who’ll probably be getting pointers from Joey Fatone the next few weeks. Oh, nice cameo in Tropic Thunder, Lance.

Brooke Burke: She’s pretty. She has long legs. She teams with Derek Hough. Somewhere, Shannon Elizabeth isn’t too happy and could be throwing a hissy fit at this very moment.

Rocco Dispririto: A celebrity chef who knows how to burn (that means cook really well) in the kitchen. But is he just as hot on the dance floor?

Maurice Greene: The Olympic track star can obviously run very fast. Let’s see how fast he moves in shoes with heels on them.

Kim Kardashian: A reality show star in the Paris Hilton mold. Translation: She has no talent. But Kim is cute and has a derriere that even makes Jennifer Lopez jealous.

Cloris Leachman: Dancing with the Stars wouldn’t be the same without at least one celebrity dancer old enough to remember silent pictures. OK, Cloris isn’t that old. But you get my meanin’. Go, Cloris! I’m always rooting for the, uh, mature folks!

Cody Linley: The youngest contestant to ever compete on the show. For those who don’t watch the Disney Channel, Cody stars on some little series called Hannah Montana. Disney, by the way, owns ABC. Ah, isn’t synergy and cross promotion a beautiful thing?

Susan Lucci: The All My Children star was nominated, like, about 6,000 times for a Daytime Emmy before finally winning. So, does that mean if Susan doesn’t emerge victorious on Dancing, she’ll have to be invited back another 5,999 times?

Ted McGinley: In the biz, Ted is known as a show-killer. Not the kind of rep you want to have. Odds are, if Ted’ s starring or guest-starring in a show, it won’t last much longer. See: Hope & Faith, Happy Days, The Love Boat. If Dancing gets canceled soon, we’ll know who to blame.

Jeffrey Ross: Ever watch one of those Comedy Central celebrity roasts? Well, Jeff is always one of the funniest comics working the gig. Clearly, he’s the new Adam Carolla this season. If Jeff can’t dance (and I’m betting he can’t) at least he’ll make us laugh while looking bad.

Warren Sapp: The former NFL star is big, bald and black. And we know how much the producers love big, bald, black men who know their way around a pigskin.

The new star hoofers on Dancing with the Stars won’t be revealed until Monday, but celebrity website gossipsauce.com claims to have the inside scoop on the lineup. But we’ve been down this road before. A few weeks ago, word was Dan Marino was lacing up his dancing shoes for the show’s seventh season only to have a Miami Dolphins’ rep vehemently deny the rumors.

So, despite what gossipsauce.com claims to know, the names could still change at the last minute. To read the list, click here.

You’ll notice there’s a local connection. Misty May-Treanor, wife of Florida Marlins catcher Matt Treanor and an Olympic gold medalist in womens beach volleyball, is reportedly one of the star contestants.

We know Misty can move pretty well barefoot in the sand. How she does in three-inch heels on a ballroom dance floor, well, stay tuned.

Read more about Misty in our recent story on her.