9 a.m.: I love a parade! Do you love a parade? And artists lip-synching their hits and cheerleaders in tights smiling through the bone-chilling wind in the name of Snoopy? Me too!

Matt Lauer and Ann Curry do too! Hope she doesn’t interogate the cheerleaders like she does in normal interviews – “Are you sure that’s by Irving Berlin? REALLY?” She scare me.

Ooh…Johnny Weir will be here. Boys gonna bring the drama, and maybe Bedazzle a turkey…or Spiderman. Did they say “Newsies”? This is a show now? Nobody liked it when it was a movie! Young Christian Bale, singing and dancing and delivering the news. Oh, good times.

9:10 a.m.

Grandma from Big Apple Circus, is so a drag clown. Is that a thing? Well, it is, because Grandma is a dude. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that this is not one of my fave numbers. It’s early, but still. I want one of those plaid jumpers the dancers are wearing, though. 40 is probably past plaid jumper age…so…yeah…

9:14 p.m.

This song from “Newsies” is called “King of New York,” and my husband just looked up expecting to see Christopher Walken. I would pay to see that, if he was doing “The Continental” from “Saturday Night Live” – “Please enjoy this newspaper..with a glass of fine cham-pan-ya!”

The show’s number is cute and I’m onboard with anything that reminds people about newspapers…so cool.

9:20 p.m.

Apparently NBC has just discovered that “Project Runway” exists, and has its own version called “Fashion Star,” hosted by its very own vintage supermodel, Elle McPherson. She’s still hot and I covet her hat. Her hair is super Brooke Shields-y today. Can we all decide that hats are back for every day use? I want that to happen.

Ann is describing the plot of “Sister Act.” I know she is referring to the musical, but don’t we all know what that’s about, like, 20-something years after the movie? Ann is making me crankier than usual this year. I do like this song, though. Anybody seen this musical yet? I want the Delores character’s sparkly costume. To wear with Elle McPherson’s hat.

9:28 p.m.

I feel for that poor balloon holder that Roker just ran up to with a mic. I am sure he knew he was coming, but you’re walking holding a giant Mickey Mouse balloon and here comes the weatherguy yelling questions at you.

Look! Harry Potter singing. I’m glad that he’ll get a career after the movies. I can’t help but remembering Steven Webber doing songs from that same play on this parade. He’s hotter. Perhaps to me, because I am old. Anyone think that “Mad Men” is gonna be a musical one day and we’ll have light-hearted songs about identity switches and casual period sexism?

9:37 a.m.

I love the nightlife, and a good drag queen musical on a holiday. I am not making that up. I do. “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” was a great movie, and it looks like a great show. And there are dancing disco koalas…New game, everyone! Band names inspired by the parade! My first is “Disco Koala!” And our first single is “Weird Kangaroo Boy!”

It’s the guys from “Grimm.” I love them, and that show, but I agree with the posters who wish there was a little more parade and a little less pimping of the NBC family. I don’t care who lived in Far Rockaway Queens. What are we missing by not seeing the parade? Boo.

9:43 a.m.

I bet Jane Krakowski’s little baby would like to know more about the parade and not about “30 Rock.” FAIL, NBC. If this wasn’t morning, I’d suggest a drinking game where you take a slug everytime they actually show the parade.

“Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark”‘ is, thankfully, not a float, because it would fall on you. You know you were thinking it too. My husband hates the songs, which sound like U2 songs because Bono and the Edge wrote them. I like them, but would like it better if Bono played Spiderman. He’d defeat the Green Goblin and then save a Burmese political prisoner.

The Green Goblin looks like a gekko on acid. I don’t know about this, y’all…

9:56 a.m.

Grandma is a classic part of the Big Apple Circus and not a new clown, and is retiring. Sorry. Heard it wrong. Live blogging doesn’t give a lot of time for research. Sorry I botched it. Hope they show a float soon.

9:58 a.m.

Look! It’s Macy’s Great American Marching Band! Are they the only band this year? A 15-year-old composed their song! BTW…didn’t comment on the Rockettes, whose Christmas show makes me cry.

The parade has arrived on 34th Street, and it’s aweome. And there’s the big Sonic the Hedgehog balloon. Angry balloon. Angry Hedgehog would be a great band name! I guess now we’ll get parades and bands and floats now.

Oh look! Giant Pilgram Heads! And a big turkey! I adore Debi Mazar and think that had she been a pilgrim, the nation’s history would have been much more sassy.

Avril Lavigne is stuck under the turkey wing lipsynching. How do they decide who gets on what float? What if you didn’t like your float? I guess being on the parade is a coup so you better sit under that turkey wing and shut it.

10:06 a.m.

That Pilgrim Owl freaks me out. It’s the Ocean Spray growers from the commercials, out of the bog! They are with country singer Rodney Atkins. I am not very familiar with Mr. Atkins, but I want his coat.

The Wimpy Kid float is pretty cool. I love that the most recent book got a 6 million copy first printing! Yay, reading! And not the Kardashian book, either. Although it’s not terrible. Almost, but just above it.

Big Bird is the bird. Here is what a dork I am. I found “Follow That Bird” on demand and fast-forward to just watch Big Bird and Olivia sing “One Little Star” when he’s missing and they’re looking for him across the country. And cried. Bob and Gordon and Elmo are here. I have gotten over my dislike for Elmo, who pretty much replaced Grover. Grover is my favorite and I didn’t appreciate him being All
About Elmo’d.

10:17 a.m.

Again, random float placement. I like Ingrid Michaelson – “The Way I Am” will always be brilliant, and that whole album was great. But she’s on the Hamburger Helper float and I can’t see a connection. The Harold the Fireman parade takes Ingrid’s spotlight. Why won’t Ann Curry inject any sort of joy into her voice? It’s a parade! Be happy!

Go Alex, the Bob and Doris Hope Scholarship winner! That’s what a parade should be. Cute wholesome children and floats like Buzz Lightyear. Cee-Lo and Cam Neely are on the Discovercard NHL float with some adorable kids with hockey sticls. Cee-Lo is looking downright understated. His scarf doesn’t even light up.

The Aflac duck is here, not offending anyone at all. That’ s a cute float.

10:27 a.m.

OK…What are Zhu Zhu Pets? I don’t have kids and have apparently missed a whole thing that is important to people who are not. They’re very cute. I just found them at Target. Somebody get me one. I like the little Camp Broadway kids! You know that’s the most musical, divatastic camp ever.

The Pillsbury Doughboy is here! Somebody tickle him, but carefully, because he’ll topple the buildings with that giggle. The Morton Salt float is about homebacked goodness, and “American Idol”‘s Scotty McCreery is all about homegrown goodness, so I get this. Wonder if he’ll be watching “A Very GaGa Thanksgiving” tonight? (Remember his reaction to her on “Idol”?)

10:35 a.m.

Does Kool-Aid man look chunky to you this year?

My nephew Cody’s favorite is Spongebob, and he’s apparently the first square balloon! How cool! Also cool: The Hawaiian All-State Marching Band. State pride is a beautiful thing. Where’s McGarrett and Dano? My husband say we can’t go to Hawaii because every week on that show someone gets murdered, which is also why we never hang out with Jessica Fletcher anymore.

You think celebrated performer Michael Feinstein is wondering how he got on a float with pirates? Is this what it’s come to? He’s selling some jolly green pirates, though. Always sell it.

10:43 a.m.

This just in…Al Roker has found himself in the middle of a Power Rangers Samurai battle, and the theme song has drowned out Lauer’s pithy soundbite. Oh well. Bet it was brilliant. They saved Al, the giant Earth balloon, and maybe even the Hess truck, that poor girl playing the Stop sign, and Cobra Starship. Apparently, they aren’t singing “Snakes On A Plane.”  Pity. Keytar alert!

Everybody was Kung-Fu Panda! Well, not really. But it seemed funny at the time I started this sentence. The Carmel High School Marching Greyhounds from Indiana are here, after supporting tornado victims in Missouri. That’s wonderful! Go, band kids! I used to ride the band bus with my twin who played clarinet for the Baltimore City College High School marching band, and I adore a big Grand Poobah hat.

China Anne McClain, another cute child I have never heard of. My goddchildren are not keeping me up to date. I have heard of Julius the Paul Frank monkey. I want that float in my apartment.

10:56 a.m.

Joba Chamberlin and the Oneida Indian float are a win. And so is the Peanuts float. And the Homewood High School band from Alabama! They’re great. This is their eighth year on the parade, and apparently a third of the school’s students are featured. Go, arts education!!!!

Neil Diamond should be on Mt. Rushmore, so it’s no surprise he’s on the float. Sing “America!” Yes! He is!!!! This is the best thing ever. We’re going to see him next year. This is the kind of thing that makes me happy to do this job, because it’s so American and unabashedly joyful. They’re coming to America, today! YAY!

11:04 a.m.

Ronald McDonald and his shoe car are here. His shoes are bigger than Shaq! His balloon is behind him and it’s freaking me out. I love the Ronald McDonald Houses and what they do for family. But…scary balloon.

The Big Apple Circus, featuring Grandma the Clown, WHO IS A VETERAN CLOWN AND IS RETIRING AND NOT NEW AT ALL,  which I was wrong about before. Sorry again.

It’s Babar!

11:12 a.m.

Miss America is gorgeous, isn’t show, as gorgeous as the Naval Academy Glee Club sounds. I love this stuff. And Annapolis, where my sister and her husband live. Ever been? It’s breathtaking, all cobblestone and old buildings and water and crabcakes. Yum.

Yay! NYPD Marching Band, playing “New York, New York!” Anybody else giddy?

Spider-Man’s balloon is boss. And “boss,” for you guys younger than 60, means cool.

Mary J. Blige is another New York icon, and she makes me happy.

11:20 a.m.

The Saints fans are killing me. I love them. Go, big paunchy sports fans!

Yay, Nation Ford High School Band from South Carolina! Pikachu is still adorable, no?

11:29 a.m.

Mobile Azalea Trail Maids from Alabama, just like on “Hart of Dixie”! They do exist!

Shelby Lynne. Still hot. I think Christmas should sound smooth and cool like that.

I NEED that Planters NutMobile.

It’s the Tim Burton balloon! And Tim Burton, and his kid! So cute. And Helena Bonham-Carter! And Build A Bear Workshops! I actually typed “Build A Bahr,” like Davy Crockett. We don’t condone the killing of these bears, whether or not you’re three.

Hello Kitty. Another stuffed animal I have in my house that is also a float!

11:39 a.m.

Go, Bolivian dance group! And Dora! She’s still such a role model for what kids can be, where they can go. I am not aware of the Fresh Beat Band. I can’t tell. Are they good? Their chipperness is annoying me. I’m not feeling it. Perhaps I need more holiday spirit!

Anyone staying for the dog show? Might Tweet that.

I never liked the “until the other kiddies knock him down” line in “Winter Wonderland.” I would beat the other kiddies back to their side of the street. How dare they?

11:49 a.m.

Straight No Chaser is doing “This Christmas,” one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. I adore talent. And Virginia, from the Macy’s commercials! So cute and earnest and unsnarky. I love that.

Of course, Johnny Weir is dandy on a rocking horse! Don’t disappoint, my friend!

Have you ever Elfed yourself? It’s pretty cute – go to ElfYourself.com. It’s a family Web site, people.

Manheim Steamroller have a jillion albums, but this “Deck The Halls” version is my favorite thing they do. When I hear it I know it’s the holidays.

Have you seen “The Muppets” yet? It’s pretty funny, sweet and nostalgic. And Chris Cooper raps in it, so that’s enough for me.

Santa is coming! And I want him to give coal to that snarky woman in the Best Buy commercial who tries to one-up St. Nick. It ain’t right. COAL for you, my dear.

Go, Miami University Marching Band!

Why is Clumsy Smurf the float? Is that dangerous to have a clumsy float?

And there’s the man of the hour! I almost hate seeing Santa because seeing him means that it’s over! The parade is over and we have to wait another year for the next one, bands, songs, product placement and all!

It turned out pretty good, huh?

Thanks!! Don’t eat too much! Or do! It’s all you!

Former child TV star Lance Kerwin has been placed on five years probation after pleading guilty to a theft charge.

Kerwin, who played the title role in “James at 15″ on NBC in the 1977-78 season, was given credit during last Thursday’s sentencing for 90 days served and ordered to perform 300 hours of community service.

Kauai County Deputy Prosecuting Attorney Lauren McDowell says the 49-year-old Kerwin was caught falsifying documents to obtain state medical assistance and food stamps.

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By GLENN GARVIN

It’s not August yet, but the dog days are surely upon us where television is concerned. Perhaps in an effort to make the new season that starts in September look better, the networks are bombarding us with cheapjack reality shows made with little money but lots of hostility.

It says something creepily unpleasant about broadcast-network executives that all three of the shows debuting over the next two days are based on the principle of public humiliation of the innocent. And if any of the shows become hits, it will say something creepily unpleasant about us.

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A court has issued a temporary restraining order to Jennifer Aniston against a man who authorities say traveled cross-country to marry her.

Court documents filed Tuesday in Santa Monica, Calif., say police detained Jason R. Peyton last week after finding him with a sharp object, duct tape and love notes to the “Friends” star. Authorities say he was stopped after spending days trying to find Aniston on Sunset Boulevard.

The filings state Peyton has been accused of stalking others and is disobeying court orders that he must take anti-psychotic medications.

The 24-year-old was placed on an involuntary psychiatric hold by Los Angeles police. A hearing on the order will be held Aug. 9.

The court filings state Peyton has said he won’t stop his pursuit of Aniston.

“America’s Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan appears to be the front-runner to claim the CNN talk show long hosted by Larry King.

The British TV personality has won permission from NBC, which airs the hit talent contest, to pursue the CNN job, according to an industry official who requested anonymity because that person wasn’t authorized to speak publicly about the changeover.

Morgan has been considered a favorite to replace King, who on June 29 announced his departure from the prime-time perch he has occupied for a quarter century.

Morgan is a 45-year-old former tabloid editor who turned to television several years ago. He has been a judge on “Britain’s Got Talent” and its U.S. spinoff, “America’s Got Talent.” In 2008, he was champ of NBC’s “Celebrity Apprentice.”

As befitting a lazy week in midsummer, prime-time television was dominated by mentally untaxing fare with dancing, dating and dousings.

None of them involved LeBron James. The Miami Heat forward’s ESPN special to announce his new employer was seen Thursday by nearly 10 million people, higher than all but three prime-time programs on the broadcast networks last week.

Nielsen”s top 15 programs included two editions of NBC’s “America’s Got Talent” contest, two editions of CBS’ crowded house reality series “Big Brother” and two editions of ABC’s “Wipeout,” where hapless contestants try to avoid being dunked in water while circumventing an obstacle course. ABC’s “The Bachelorette” was behind only NBC’s talent show as the top reality series.

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A fourth major broadcast network and actor Jake Gyllenhaal are adding their support to the ambitious fundraiser “Stand Up to Cancer.”

Fox TV will join previously announced ABC, CBS and NBC in donating a simultaneous commercial-free hour of prime-time for the September telethon airing from Los Angeles.

Gyllenhaal will appear in a “Stand Up to Cancer” public service announcement set to debut during Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game airing Tuesday evening on Fox.

More cable networks also have agreed to carry the fundraiser, with VH1, HBO Latino, TV1 and G4 joining previously announced HBO, Discovery Health, MLB Network, E! and the Style Network.

“Stand Up to Cancer,” to be hosted by Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer and Brian Williams, will air Sept. 10.

The Emmys are standing with Team Coco, snubbing Jay Leno.

O’Brien’s short-lived reign at NBC’s “Tonight” show earned him an Emmy nod for best variety, music or comedy series. Leno, who returned to “Tonight” following the failure of his prime-time show, was not nominated on Thursday.

But if it makes Leno feel any better, David Letterman was snubbed in the same category — for the first time in 17 years.

NBC submitted both versions of “Tonight” for Emmys consideration, letting the TV academy decide what to include in the category. They went with O’Brien, who was nominated alongside “Saturday Night Live” and shows hosted by Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Bill Maher. O’Brien’s final “Tonight” show was also nominated for best writing in a variety, music or comedy series.

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A Facebook campaign is pushing for “Friday Night Lights” actor Zach Gilford to be in the mix when the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Award nominations are announced in a week.

Gilford plays Matt Saracen in the high school football drama that debuted in 2006. It airs first on DirectTV and later in the year on NBC.

So far, more than 8,600 people on the social networking site “like” the idea of Gilford getting an Emmy.

Gilford calls the effort “really nice” and “flattering.”

Twenty-eight-year-old Gilford actually left the show in its current fourth season. He returns for a story arc in the show’s fifth and reported final season, which is now filming.

The new host of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, Craig Robinson, will visit the Palm Beach Improv at CityPlace this weekend. Robinson may be best known for his role as Darryl, the sarcastic warehouse worker on The Office, but recently starred in a slew of other memorable roles in feature films including Hot Tub Time Machine and Pineapple Express.

His voice can be heard at area theaters in the final chapter of the Shrek films, Shrek Forever After, and you can join him on the search for the next big thing in comedy every Monday on Last Comic Standing.

What: Craig Robinson
When: 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. Thursday, 7 and 9:45 p.m. Saturday , and 7 p.m. Sunday
Where: The Palm Beach Improv, 550 S. Rosemary Ave., Suite 250, West Palm Beach
Tickets: $29.13
Phone: (561) 833-1812