And it wasn't even his audition.

“Where were you when it all started?” a sober placard at  the beginning of “American Idol”‘s first episode of 2012 asked? Well, ten years ago, when the then-crazy sounding talent show started, I was in my living room in York, Pa., asking my roommate “Are you watching this?”

Yeah, she was, and 10 years later that crazy talent show has become one of the things people ask me the most about, besides whether I am Macy Gray. Which I still am not.

So now I sit in my living room in Lake Worth, 10 years older, and find that, just like in “Dazed and Confused,” I keep getting older and the contestants stay the same age. Actually, they seem like zygotes. Tiny singing showbiz zygotes. David Leathers, Jr., or as his friends call him “Mr. Steal Your Girl” (?), is the first one we see in Savannah. He’s wearing sunglasses and a tie, and his confidence, and boast to have won against last year’s winner Scotty McCreary in a previous competition, means he’s either the best thing ever or a sad singing shame.

And…he’s fabulous. Good for you, Zygote in a Tie.  In an unrelated note, Steven’s theme for today seems to be Cross Dressing Pimp. It’s an odd choice, but we salute you for your commitment. And I think I have that lipstick.
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I just got a press release confirming rumors that Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson would all be re-upping for duty on the “American Idol” judging panel. And unless somebody lights a fire under their wishy-washy butts and demand they change some things, it’s gonna be a looooong season.

If you read this blog, you might remember that I was initially excited about the trio’s fresh approach and sassiness during last season’s audition rounds. They were everything I wanted them to be – funny, compassionate, direct and in full possession of their musical faculties – in other words, they knew how to be blunt without being cruel, and seemed to base most of their decisions on actual talent. And they were unashamed about using their own musical expertise in their reasoning.

But then the season’s live shows started, and they completely screwed it up. Suddenly, they were lobbing big fat critical softballs, burying every bit of justified criticism in layers of “But I love your hair!” or “I still love you!” And then they reserved any real criticism for just one or two contestants, like Haley, leaving the others bathed in insecurity and maddening hyberbole.

In other words – they sucked as judges. Pretty hair? Yeah, J.Lo and Steven are champs at that. But being really useful? Suckage.

And now they’re back to suck some more. Unless:

- They can get used to risking “looking nice”: One of the issues I had with two current artists being on this show in the first place was that they’d be afraid to be real, less it cheese off their fans. And I think that because they’re human, they lost their nerve once they started getting to know these kids, and they didn’t want to hurt any feelings. But you know who will hurt their feelings? Critics. And the public who wants good music, not the work product of coddled kids who are never made to have self-awareness about any of their flaws. Take a breath. Everyone needs reality sometimes. Even nice cute kids.

— Jimmy Iovine joins the panel: He’s sorta nutty, but the producer, who runs the rehearsals and gives advice to the singers before their performances, pulls no punches about telling you the truth as he sees it. If he doesn’t like your song choice, you know it. If he thinks you’re not hitting the notes, he’ll tell you. He doesn’t want to put out a crappy product more than anyone else, and to protect the brand, he’s less concerned about protecting little feelings. We need him at that table.

What do you think?

James Durbin, Brett Lowenstern and Clint Jun Gamboa performs in front of the judges on 'Idol'.

And I’ll be referring to them as “guys” and not as “boys,” like the show does sometimes, because most of them are out of their teens, and there’s something odd and cloying about that. OK with you?

Enough about negativity! We’re here to pick the five male singers that will go through into the Top Ten, thus being eligible for the annual “American Idols Live” summer tour and also for the crowded space in your brain. Unless you really, really love them, it’s hard to remember the names of 24 kids every year. Let’s see who’s destined to be a star or semi-star, and who’s destined to be “Who?”

First things first – how will JLo and Steven Tyler play live? Will they be able to be critical? How will Randy do as the anchor and not the judge you fast-forward through (although that could happen again, too)? How fast will those censors be on the Bleeper? And does their insurance cover the finger cramps that may ensue from having to work that much? (The “American Idol” self-censoring face mask was a cute touch). Read the full story

Brett Loewenstern from Spanish River High School in Boca.

I have heard that the first night of the “American Idol” auditions had much lower ratings than expected, the lowest of a premiere since the first one in 2002. But apparently it picked up viewers as the night went on. Let’s see what that means for the season.

Is it a good or a bad sign that the New Orleans auditions for “American Idol” start with some terrible kid freaking out because his version of “Smile” is more like a cry … for help? We’ll find out.

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New York / New Jersey auditions: Judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson. (Michael Becker / FOX)

More: ‘Idol’ debut lowest-rated since Season 1

Kid Rock, you can officially eat this here crow.

Because it was you, Bob from Michigan, who opined that Steven Tyler, the scarf-draped king of soulful rock screaming, would trash his Aerosmith legacy by joining the “American Idol” judging panel. Whatever, Cowboy. Steven, his big old sexy scary mouth, his perfect highlights and Steve Nicks-onian fashion sense, owned that joint, the joint being the judging table he shared during last night’s premiere with old “Idol” spice Randy Jackson and new spice Jennifer Lopez.

Here are just a few of his bonnest mots. And that’s not even a thing, but I just made it one, because with the power of Steven and his magic scarves, I feel like I can do everything, like even defy the accepted properties of English grammar. Chew on that, Bawitdaba!

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About 15 minutes into a conference call with reporters, Randy Jackson had answered several questions about the ninth season of “American Idol,” including the guest judges who will chiming in during the audition episodes, new permanent judge Ellen DeGeneres and the showmanship of Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert. Those were expected questions, and sprightly answered, but there was something missing.

That is, until the next question.

“I know there are a lot of questions about Ellen, and the guest judges,” the male reporter asked. “But I think there’s also some contestants and some singing?”

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Be careful what you wish for.

After years of half-jokingly suggesting that she be replaced with Jody Watley, and coming up with new nonsensical phrases to describe her judge patter (“Your soul is beauty fried in specialness and garnished with sparkly shiny shiny shine”), I am surprisingly heartbroken to announce that Paula Abdul is leaving “American Idol,” at least according to her Twitter page.

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The artist: Brooke White

The album: High Hopes & Heartbreak (June Baby)

The spin: American Idol judge Randy Jackson has never executive produced an album for any of the myriad contestants in the eight-year history of the popular program. Until now.

It’s surprising to see his name attached to Brooke White’s first post-Idol release (she’d issued Songs From the Attic, a promising indie album, pre-Idol). The gifted singer-songwriter played guitar and piano and sang well, but always seemed an anachronism on the teen-driven program when she somehow managed to make it into Season Seven’s Top 5.

Her musical heroes, she had said, were ’70s icons like Carole King, Fleetwood Mac and Carly Simon, and her goal was to create an album for today that had the song-to-song flow of the oldies she cherished.

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KINGSTON, Jamaica (AP) — Three of Michael Jackson’s brothers expect to attend next month’s Reggae Sumfest in Jamaica which is dedicated this year to the deceased king of pop.

Summerfest Productions says Marlon, Tito and Randy Jackson confirmed they will be at the weeklong music festival’s International Night. It will feature Toni Braxton and reggae singer Damian Marley.

Spokesman Johnny Gourzong said Thursday that a Jackson family representative contacted the promoter after the company sent a letter of condolence following Michael Jackson’s death last month.

Sumfest will run July 19-25 in Montego Bay.

The brothers performed in Jamaica with Michael as the Jackson 5 at Kingston’s National Stadium in 1975.

Michael Becker / FOX

Kara DioGuardi’s scheduled phone press conference on Thursday proved a basic truth of Hollywood: Just because you’re about to be famous doesn’t mean it’s any easier to get a taxi.

“I was stuck downtown trying to get a cab!” DioGuardi, the brand-new fourth judge on the upcoming eighth season of “American Idol,” apologetically explained to reporters who’d been waiting on the line to some non-distinctive light jazz hold music for about a half hour.

Fortunately, the upbeat, candid DioGuardi, known as a singer and songwriter who’s worked with, among others, Celine Dion and inaugural idol Kelly Clarkson, packed a lot of goodies into her 30 minute chat. I regret that I didn’t get to ask my question, which was really good and actually better than a lot of the ones that got asked. But it still went well.
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