Brett! Have you been here the whole time?

ALERT: SPOILERY SPOILERS.

I’m not sure if CBS just decided to compile every interesting thing that Brett, the here-to-fore invisible member of “Survivor”’s original Galu tribe, has ever done into one episode, or if he’s been just lying back, calculating and biding his time, waiting for the right moment to reveal his strategy…or just remind viewers that he’s actually there.

But blandly cute Brett suddenly burst onto the scene and wound up with immunity and a place in Evil Mastermind Russell’s consciousness. That’s usually a bad thing, because if Russ thinks you’re a threat, he’s gonna try to oust you.

Read the full story

(ALERT: HERE BE SPOILERS)

…when first we trust Russell.

It’s funny. For weeks, I waited for that little troll-like joker to prove himself to be the grand master champion that Jeff Probst and those meddling “Survivor” producers have insisted all along that he is. And then, suddenly, there he was, finding an 80th hidden immunity idol without a clue, and then subverting a would-be booting by producing one of them at the 11th hour. When he’s not being a horrible sexist creep, sometimes I always like him.

Read the full story

Just a note to explain why there is no recap of “Survivor: The Adventures of Evil Russell” today. Last night’s episode was a clip show, and I was enjoying the holiday with some lovely close friends and some pie. I love a night off!

So we’ll pick up where we left off next week with a real new episode and some fun and hijinks. I love hijinks!

Aww, yeah!

For the third week in a row, “Survivor” remembers its origins as a twisty, crafty stunner where anything can happen if greed, strategy and gobsmacked luck win out. Laura, the queen bee of the former Galu tribe and the head mean girl in Shambo’s head, took a powder in the most delicious blindside, which was made all the more spicy by Laura’s arrogant denial that it could ever happen.

And to her I say: Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, neh neh neh, goodbye!

Read the full story

Is it possible that “Survivor: Samoa,” which just two weeks ago was turning out to be a televised Ambien pill, has pulled off two doozy blindside elimination wham blams in a row? Yes it is! And has the former Galu tribe become so disgustingly smug that I was actually rooting for Evil Russell and his scheming to triumph?

Apparently they have! And are we finally having fun? Oh, assuredly yes!

We begin this week’s episode with a recap of last week’s awesomeness, where Erik yapped his way into elimination, where Russell played his immunity idol early, and where Jaison remembered he was playing this game and got all Shakespeare on Erick. It was the best of times, it was the best of times.

Read the full story

Now, that’s what I’m talking about!

My sister and I have had a long tradition of Friday morning phone calls where we dish about the crafty craftiness of the previous night’s “Survivor.” We used to call it the magical deliciousness. But the current season in Samoa has been neither magical or delicious. Actually, it’s been sort of tough and chewy.

But last night, which marked the debut of the merged tribe, Aiga, was magical. And delicious. And seasoned with buckets of Backstabbing Sauce, with a side of paranoia salad. Because the merged tribes accomplished three amazing feats: Voting off Erik, who stuck his big, scheme-y head too high and got it lopped off, making Russell so crazy that he played his beloved immunity idol, which he wound up wasting because nobody voted for him, and making everyone so generally cautious that they can’t remember who they’re supposed to turn on first.

Read the full story

The Galu tribe had a tough decision during their very first trip to tribal council – should they vote out Monica, who did really badly on a challenge, or Yasmin, who doesn’t really do…anything?

We’re still in the early phases where there are a lot of people I still can’t tell apart, because there are just too many of them. But it’s hard to exactly get into the “Survivor”’s heads, because I’m watching this unfold lying on my tuccus in my air-conditioned living room with my cat, and they’re running around a hot rainy jungle chasing a chicken.

Read the full story

Richard Hatch, “Survivor”’s very first winner and its very first villain, was both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to this show. He set the standard for how to play the game: having a clear strategy, lying and keeping your plans to yourself. But he also guaranteed that it would be hard, for the rest of the run of the show, to find new and organic ways to be evil, because everyone was so aware of how it was supposed to be done.

I blame Hatch, and Jonny Fairplay, and stupid crazy Coach, for what we’re stuck with this year – Russell, who apparently has set out to be the meanest, baddest “Survivor” EVER. He might be the meanest, but his intention, as he put it, to show how easy it is to win the game by turning everyone against each other, is tiresome because it’s going to be hard to watch the game without focusing on his shenanigans.

His tribe, Foa Foa, already followed his lead in voting off Marisa, a girl who told him she didn’t trust him. A villain is only effective if his victims don’t rise up and vote him out, and if Foa Foa keeps this joker around, when some of them already have issues with him, then they deserve everything that’s coming to them.

We’re here in Samoa, Home of untouched shores, beautiful water and many wrestlers. And now, Jeff Probst’s dimples. I have long been a critic of Probst’s meddling in tribe affairs and outright disdain for players whose appeal he doesn’t get (ie: Anyone who’s not a fake warrior, a he-man or a hot girl). But I hear he actually tosses someone out of a challenge next week, so that might be fun.

So far, I like the other Russell, the leader of the other tribe, Galu; Betsey, the cop, and Nick, the Foa Foa leader, because he’s pretty and sort of smart. The jury is out on everybody else. I just want them to get rid of Evil Russell, because his plotting is gonna eat my game, and there’s too much deliciousness to be had to focus on him the whole season.