We all know that Simon Cowell’s boasts about how the American version of “The X Factor” was gonna eat “American Idol”‘s lunch and then hit it in the head with its own lunchpail didn’t quite come to fruition, ratings-wise, but the show certainly maintained a viewership and, most importantly, a pop culture buzz.

Are you ready for some "Idol?"

So as Cowell’s old show returns to FOX for its season opener, one wonders (well, at least this one does) whether it can keep its own ratings excitement going this year, without some new twists. (I would like to propose Exile Island, where they exile JLo and keep her there until she can stop self-promoting and give a daggone straight criticism after Hollywood Week.) But as far as I know, it’s status quo, with the same judges, same host and same Clown Town auditions – for you newbies to my “Idol” blogs, that’s my name for the early city auditions when idiots show up dressed as kung fu chickens or what have you. I find it awful filler, and I don’t love watching delusional idiots with over-indulgent parents losing their crap on TV. I can see that in the food court in the Boca Mall.

Also, I wonder what the fact of “The Voice” will do to “Idol” – I love the former show because they’ve already narrowed the field to the people who can legitimately sing and those who sing even better. We don’t have to deal with the idiots. I know some people like that because it works for “Idol.” But “The Voice” and its success has shown that some also like just focusing on the excitement of weeding the most talented from the talent pool.

So … what do you guys think? You watching it this year?

Congratulations to Melanie Amaro, winner of the first season of the American version of “The X-Factor,” a show that I admittedly did not regularly follow for the same reasons that Simon Cowell’s “sure thing” wasn’t one – I found it dragged on too much. The judges sucked. The created drama was embarrassing. Nicole Scherzinger was a sucky judge who sucked so much she deserved her own category. The team mentor feature made it difficult to get the judges to be completely honest with their own singers, making their need to win more important than their singers’ need to improve.

I assume that it’ll be back next year, because it costs FOX too much money for it not to, and it wasn’t a disaster – it was actually the biggest reality show of the fall. But here are a few things that would get me, and maybe all those viewers that didn’t show up or stay around the first time, to check out and commit:

- Seriously reconsider the age limit:As the meltdown by tiny Rachel Crow at her elimination proved, maybe the pressure of a gazillion weeks of competition is too much for some kids. Of course, there are plenty of ill-behaved adults (see the curse-a-palooza that is the audition round of “American Idol”), but so many of them seem to be people who have more attitude than talent. When talented kids with, from the looks of it, no home preparation for disappointment, react that way, it makes me think that either we have to do a better job with picking these kids or bump the age up and hope the older ones can take it better. Or don’t let the kids compete with people twice their age.

- Dump the Pussycat Doll:Nicole Scherzinger is one of the prettiest humans God ever created. She has a lovely voice. I have no reason to believe that she is not a lovely person. But she is the WORST talent show judge I’ve seen in my decade or so of writing about these things, and remember that I’ve seen Ellen DeGeneres at her most indecisive, Randy Jackson at his most “Dawg” and Steven Tyler when he starts hitting on the kinder. (All together now: Ewww.)

I remember her from the first two seasons of “The Sing-Off,” where her judging could mostly be summed up as (imagine this said in baby talk) “You guyyyys!” I wanted to believe that she just came off as goofy between Ben Folds’ professorial technicality and Shawn Stockman’s vocal veteran expertise. But she makes Paula Abdul sound eloquent, and heaven knows that’s an impossible feat. And her shenanigans during the Rachel Crow episode, where she dithered about which singer to eliminate, waving her hands and fake crying like THIS WAS ALL ABOUT HER, were appalling. Everything about it was gross.As my friend Mash told me today, “If you don’t want to be a judge, and actually judge people, give back the check and go home.”

- Make the judges come correct: One of the reasons I prefer “The Voice,” besides the emphasis on vocal talent over image, to “The X-Factor” is that the celebrity judges manage to be cheerleaders for their teams’ singers while giving advice, and complementing other singers enthusiastically. Obviously they want their team to win, but winners aren’t people who are lied to about how special they are. They’re people who can take honest commentary, suck it up, and utilize it.

I’m not saying “Idol,” which I’ll be watching, doesn’t have its faults, because it does, like the lowering of the age limit, the cap on anyone over 30, the nebulous voting rules and Jennifer Lopez’s inability to give honest commentary past the Hollywood rounds. But I think that the “X-Factor” might have a shot to challenge “Idol”‘s ratings if it steps it up.

'X Factor' contestant Rachel Crowe.

So I just watched the clip of 14-year-old singer Rachel Crow sobbing as if she were being sentenced to death or legally barred from ever singing again while voted off of “The X-Factor,” and my initial reaction was that the whole thing smacked of fakery, melodrama, fake melodrama and dumb-dumb sauce.

Because I want to believe that such an amazingly poised, talented little girl, even at her age, would have been coached well enough that even in her disappointment, she wouldn’t crumple to the stage sobbing like a demented rag doll. I want to believe that the entire scene, from Nicole Scherzinger’s award-winning, hand-wringing, eye-dabbing decision over whether to send Rachel or opponent Marcus Canty home, complete with ugly-cry face and shaking like a silent movie damsel, was a ruse. A stupid ruse. But a ruse.

Video: Cowell likens teen singer’s future to that of Jennifer Hudson’s

Because if it was real, and Nicole really reacted to the idea of making a judgement as A JUDGE, and if she truly can’t handle delivering bad news to someone who signed on for this, then she doesn’t need to be a judge. And if little Rachel, even with all of the emotion and pressure and added TV cameras, can’t control herself from acting like her toes were being sheared off by piranhas – at least long enough to get off the stage and then collapse in privacy, then she doesn’t need to be there.
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UPDATE: Questionable reality on ‘X Factor’: Simon Cowell insults local mom on video

Well, you gotta hand it to Fox – they’ve spared no promotional expense trying to convince the world that the American version of Simon Cowell’s “The X Factor” was the second coming of entertainment, that it’s a superior product to every other talent-stravaganza because of its focus on the entire star-making package.

And so far, it seems that the package is sorta phony baloney, over-hyped, melodramatic to an extent that would embarrass a telenovela, and, at least in one case, meanly misleading in its editing. I am refering to Dreamgirlz, a mother-daughter duo from Broward County who was seen singing Heart’s “Barracuda” in a choppy segment that showed about three seconds of the song from their Miami audition. All we saw was the judges saying that they didn’t think the act would sell, the dignified reaction of the ladies, and the undignified freakout of one of their family members, who got the usual bleeped-out tirade treatment as he stormed off.

The thing is, I kinda feel him that the whole deal was rigged, because if the Dreamgirlz sounded anything like they have when I’ve personally heard them, they weren’t rejected because of their singing. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it – they were rejected because they’re both overweight and not cookie-cutter.

BECAUSE THEY’RE AWESOME.
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Technically, this telephone press conference with Simon Cowell is a preview of the ninth season of “American Idol,” whose first live performances Tuesday start the season in earnest. But instead of focusing on beginnings, the acerbic Brit finds himself fielding questions about endings – specifically the end of Cowell’s tenure as the show’s go-to, no-nonsense judge of record.

“I want to go out on a high,” Cowell says. “This is my last season, and I want to be successful. We will do everything we can to make it happen.”

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