Having spent a significant amount of time teetering around South Beach on vacation before heading back to my real life, I always wondered what it might be like to be one of those thin, tan creatures who actually live there, who drive those fancy cars parked outside, know all the bartenders’ names and get nodded past into secret doors no one knew was there. I figured it’d be a non-stop party of fashion, flirting and exclusion.

I just didn’t know it would be so…boring.

“Miami Social,” Bravo’s new “Lookit all the rich people” show, follows seven friends, including realtor Sorah, fashion producer Ariel and party promoter Hardy, as they buzz around the South Beach scene with other gorgeous people and talk about how cool and gorgeous they are. That doesn’t shock me, because gorgeous people in South Beach are like princesses at the Magic Kingdom – people come to see them, so you better have them and make sure they’re sparkly, shiny and ready for the tourists. And the folks on the show have to have some self-awareness of how rarified and inviable their lives are supposed to be, because they’re gorgeous, rich, live on the beach and Bravo wanted to make a show about them.

It’s just that, at least in the premiere episode, the conversations weren’t any more interesting than the ones me and my boring, ordinary-looking friends and I have about men, working out, work and what that woman over there is wearing. These people are just better-looking, in prettier apartments. And much like “The Hills,” a show whose appeal has always escaped me, I’m wondering “Why am I supposed to care? I don’t know them!”

 And when the conversations get spicier, it either seems forced, with one guy talking about how another “isn’t sexy,” like they’re in middle school, or rude – Ariel stands at a club ordering someone to “get that fat girl out of my table.” Once again, it’s South Beach, so it’s not a surprise that there are fat girls being ordered out of tables covertly all over the place. But this doesn’t make me want to know them – it’s the opposite, actually. And if I don’t want to hang out with them (and knowing that not being young, skinny and model-y, they probably don’t want to hang out with me, either), why am I watching it on TV when there’s a rerun of “Law and Order” on right now?

Bravo has become the premiere destination for shows about the self-absorbed, over-monied and underfed, and I admit to enjoying a few of them – “Real Housewives,” in both its New Jersey and Atlanta flavor, are so deliciously tacky that they’re like televised circus peanuts – fluffy, artificial but yummy. But at least there’s something endearing, in a self-destructive way, about Atlanta’s NeNe’s foot-in-mouth disease or NJ’s Caroline and her mama bear routine. (I’m not proud, but it is what it is.) These people are just annoying. And boring. That’s not Must See TV.

It’s telling that the only two of these folks that come out well at all are the two that have been on reality shows before – Katrina, a realtor and former “Apprentice” contestant and Hardy, who was on the second season of “Big Brother,” and who I’ve met a couple of times, because I used to write about his “BB” stint when I worked in his hometown of York, Pa. Their drama on the show is mostly relational – Katrina is divorcing her high school sweetheart, and Hardy is juggling his career with a jealous long-time girlfriend (according to his Facebook, he’s now happily married to someone else). Maybe they’re nice people (Hardy, from what I know of him, always was), and maybe as experienced reality stars, they know how to present themselves.

Otherwise, the bad boys you’re supposed to be shocked by, Ariel and George, he of the nutty, lying Russian girlfriend and the ex he cheated on but treats as his own personal Oprah, come off as jerks. What’s worse, they’re boring jerks.

I’m not sure what the draw is supposed to be here – sure, they’re mostly good-looking. But as they yammer on and on about how great they’ve got it, they mostly make you wish they’d shut up and let you look at the gorgeous water. We can see the Atlantic, and how beautiful it is, so it doesn’t have to try so hard to convince us of it. Perhaps the “Miami Social” crowd could follow its lead.