Well, you think you know somebody!

Marge Simpson, long-suffering blue-haired matriarch of FOX’s Simpson clan, has bared nearly all – including…ahem…the girls – as the centerfold for the latest issue of “Playboy,” in a tie-in with an upcoming episode of “The Simpsons.” It’s also, the magazine says, an attempt to attract readers in their 20s, who may not be interested in “Playbody” for the articles.

So…is that what guys in their 20s want? A drawing of Marge Simpson in a see-through nightie? Really? I guess there’s a lot of business for naughty anime and things like that, if naked cartoons are your thing, but those are young, buxom hotties who we didn’t grow up thinking of as a beloved mother figure. Marge is a beloved mother figure, which makes it seem so…dirty. And let me just say that I never wanted to know what Marge Simpson’s nipples looked like. Now I do. And I want to beat someone up for making me know that.

I am not going to debate the morality of Playboy, or of  the generalities of posing naked. I’m just curious about who’s supposed to gain from Marge Simpson, specifically, doing so. I guess that the now-vintage magazine is constantly courting new readers, with things like “The Girls Next Door” with Hugh Hefner and his rotating bevy of girlfriends. (Side note: Two of them are twins, and while I won’t debate nudity, as a twin, I do strongly condemn twins dating the same guy. It’s gross, no matter what porn and beer tell you.)

I imagine that the Marge cover, which is available only on newsstands (Victoria’s Secret model Alina Puscau, who, inside, is photographer by director boyfriend Brett Ratner making out with a mannequin, is on the subscription covers), is supposed to renew interest in the now-20-year-old series. The interview (yes, I’ve read it) is vintage sweet, spunky Marge, focusing on her wishes to gain money for charity by “donating a hefty fee from this tasteful pictorial to SPHG – Saving and Preserving Historic Gazebos.”

Marge also mentions that her head-strong, mini-feminist daughter Lisa “said it was empowering to see a woman in control of her own body,” and I guess that might be more true if that were the case. But it’s not Marge Simpson, proud and spunky wife, choosing to bear almost-all and, if the protesters are right, ruining a child-friendly icon and messing with the children’s heads. It’s creator Matt Groening, making a business decision to further his franchise, FOX lending one of their icons in an effort to do that, and Playboy enjoying the renewed relevance. It’s a big corporate decision. And she’s the creation, so it’s their right. But let’s not pretend this is something it’s not.

Here’s another thing: For two decades now, FOX has deflected complaints that of some of “The Simpson”‘s subject matter wasn’t kid-friendly by saying that it wasn’t a kid’s show – just an animated one starring animated kids. Of course, that didn’t stop them from marketing it aggressively to kids, on tiny T-shirts and Mylar balloons and toys. And now that Marge is being marketed in an absolutely adult manner, it might be difficult to poo-poo critics who think this is confusing. Kids didn’t just latch onto the Simpsons – they were  given to them.

There are people who are going to say that I’m a prude, and making a big deal out of nothing. Whatever – there is obvious shock factor in naked pictures of a beloved icon, whether she’s photographed or real, so the shock is what they were going for. The thing is, I don’t think FOX and Playboy care – as long as you buy it.