“We’re losing with the team we have.”

Thus Evil Russell hath spoken the only thing he’s said on “Survivor” that I ever believed, and pretty much summed up the shocking lack of winning mojo on his Foa Foa tribe.

I’m finally emotionally invested in this Samoan season, but it’s for a different reason than I’ve invested in the past. Before, there have been Survivors that I really loved (Earl and Jonathan Penner), or storylines that really intriqued me (the “Haves Versus Havenots,” the way Yul completely ran the game while all the Barbies and Kens thought they were).

But this time, I’m fascinated by how this current crop of castaways have been led by negatives – by bad weather, two medical eliminations, Evil Russell’s nattering and the fact that no one seems to like each other. Seriously. At tribal council, Liz told Probst how much she trusted each and every person on her tribe, and I was like “Why?”

That, of course, was when those trustworthy little lovelies voted her out.

I don’t feel a strong connection or friensdhip between any of these people, no stronger ties other than the He-Man Women Haters Club over on Galu (“Girls drool, boys…hee hee, we said DROOL!”). Before, I had no strong feelings about those guys, and now I passionately want to cane a couple of them. “Bros before hos?” Really?  The loss of Good Clueless Russell seems to have exposed something we didn’t see before, which is how juvenile they are. The guys decide to vote Shambo leader in an attempt to control her and confound the women, who all seem to think Shambo should be going home.

And plus, she’s totally plotting against, me, see? She’s jealous of me! I’ma totally shave her mullet off when she falls asleep at Chrissy’s sleepover! They make me want to stab myself in the eye with a pole from that tarp Good Clueless Russell didn’t win that time!

Meanwhile, Evil Russell is finally starting to show that maybe he’s got some pull in this game, which I regret, because he still sucks the air out of every scene with his overbearing bullying. There’s something bluntly threatening about him that makes him not clever, but menacing in a real, non-game play way. Like a mean, mean guy. And that makes me really dislike “Survivor,” because it appears that they’re promoting someone who is sort of scary.

The reward challenge sees Dave Doug Henning yelling at Shambo, who is sitting out, to let Brett run the show from within the challenge, and she doesn’t even seem to know she’s being disrespected. I hate when players prove themselves to be as dumb-acting as everyone thinks. Galu wins reward, because that’s what they do, and Shambo picks Laura to go to Foa Foa, because she’s not going again, and because somebody has to. This decision confirms for Laura that Shambo doesn’t like her, and inspires a shockingly ugly observation from Kelly that Shambo’s like someone raised in a trailer park who marries a rich guy and is now driving around puting on airs in her luxury car.

Oh, shut up. She had to pick somebody. Did you wanna go? Really? No? See what I mean? They’re awful.

The minute Laura gets to Foa Foa, Russell starts messing with her head, which is sort of funny, because even though I hate Russell’s gameplay, it was shockingly easy to mess with Laura’s head. He finds out that she has a divinity degree, and he shares that he is a preacher’s son, and that he wants to be in an alliance with her. I will share this with you – Laura’s being an idiot. You’re gonna trust this guy? You just met him? So ir-i-ta-ting, as Pink once sang. I wash my hands of her. Whatever happens to her in the future, happens. I no longer care. Let’s be honest, I didn’t care before. Now, I really don’t.

Laura continues her reign of cluelessness by sitting around yapping with her new buddies while Liz and the others work. Liz is annoyed. Liz is annoying Russell. Russell annoys me. Are we even?

Meanwhile, Galu is bouncing around on a pirate ship in their reward. I don’t care. I don’t like them. I don’t like any of them. The only two people I like, thus far, are Jaison and Liz, and as we’re about to see, I need to pick new favorites.

At the immunity challenge, Foa Foa tries changing their luck by leaving Mick’s tribal necklace back at camp. It’s gonna take more than that, y’all! BTW…earlier in the episode, Jaison called Mick “McDreamy,” I would now like to create tired “Grey’s Anatomy” names for everybody – Russell shall be McSchemey, Shambo will be McMullet, and Dave will be McHenning.

The challenge starts strong for Foa Foa, but they blow it, with Jaison’s help, because he sort of gives up. And he knows it, which is frustrating for everybody. I love Jaison, not only because he seems to be a decent person, but because he owns it when he sucks. He’s a grown-up, which reminds me of Yul, and of why I don’t like these other whiners.

Russell thinks it’s between Jaison and Liz, who he never liked anyway, and Probst, at tribal, tells them they’ve turned in “one of the worst overall performances in the history of this game,” and he’s right. I don’t like when he’s right, because he’s part of the system. Jaison continues to be The Man, because he admits his poor performance.  Fortunately, he’s not voted out, because even though I liked Liz, I needed something pretty to look at next week, and he’s my kind of pretty.

And he’s the only Survivor who doesn’t make my eyes itch with their duplicity or stupidity. I can’t get attached, because he’ll probably get kicked off next week.