(ALERT: HERE BE SPOILERS)

…when first we trust Russell.

It’s funny. For weeks, I waited for that little troll-like joker to prove himself to be the grand master champion that Jeff Probst and those meddling “Survivor” producers have insisted all along that he is. And then, suddenly, there he was, finding an 80th hidden immunity idol without a clue, and then subverting a would-be booting by producing one of them at the 11th hour. When he’s not being a horrible sexist creep, sometimes I always like him.

But then tonight, in his heady zeal to show how much in charge he did, Russell engineered a blindside that is going to bite him in the butt come vote time. And if he doesn’t keep an eye on the people he’s gleefully tossing under a bus, he’s going to find himself up the creek without immunity when everyone he’s messed with decides not to vote for him.

I am not surprised that he wanted John gone, because he’s not from the original Foa Foa, and because he’s sort of annoying and impressed with himself. He does have pretty hair, which is probably nota plus for Russell. If it were me, the only thing to save John would be the fact that Monica the Following Sheep wants him gone, and I dislike her so much that I want to deny her happiness. Sorry. Petty pants over here.

It was a pretty good episode, which featured the annual auction. Shambo spent hundreds of dollars on a festival of sea slugs with parmesan, but tried to look on the bright side and focus on the protein or whatever. I don’t like when people beat up on Shambo, but it was pretty funny. Forgive me.

Two observations: Probst has been hitting the Grecian formula like a hair color wino. And why do I always forget about Brett?

The usual food deals happen – Natalie pays $200 for PB&J, Monica gets a whole roasted chicken for $340 and Mick gets a cheeseburger, beer and all the acoutrements for $500.

The two most interesting purchases are Jaison and John. John first buys a clue for the idol that we know Russell already has (good poker face, Russ!) and then a honking piece of pie. He has the choice of giving four other people a slice each and giving his up, or just being a selfish weenie and eating his own piece.

John chooses to punk everyone else and eat up. Why do we know this is gonna come back to bite him in the rocket scientist butt?

Jaison, on the other hand, gives up any chance at wining food by spending all of his money on something that, he’s told, will be of great use in terms of immunity. What can it be?

After the challenge, the decision is made to kill the chickens, which saddens their friend Shambo. She offers to honor them in her heart and meet them again in heaven…where someone else will probably kill them and eat them again. It’s hard out here for a hen.

The chicken episode is not as much fun as it should be because after Shambo insists on cooking the chicken too long, which looks gross. We never get to see if it turns out that way because the editors don’t show us. Boo. There is a bizarre Shambo dream, which we see in this weird recreation with crabs and chickens running around in a psychedelic pot hallucination. And in the midst of all the crystal blue persuasion, she dreams that Dave got voted off. She goes to Russell with this, and tells him they need to get rid of Dave. Russell observes that Shambo has no logic when it comes to votes – someone offends her, they have to go.

Gee, Russell! Sounds like someone else we know. Like, you, several weeks ago!

We get to the immunity challenge, which involves holding onto ropes until your hands bleed and cry. You get to start out holding knots, which stop the slide. Jaison’s prize means that he gets two more knots, which make it easier to hold the ropes, and get him immunity. Yay! John, who had pie, finds that the idol he has the clue for is already gone.

Hope that was some good pie.

Anyway, Russell has a great idea – how about booting off John? John doesn’t expect it, mostly because he’s been told that it was gonna be Dave. I see that John is a threat, but Dave is a bigger one. And I just don’t see that stabbing a potential jury member in the back is gonna help come the final vote.

So that’s what happens – John gets his butt handed to him, and it’s beautiful because it takes a few more votes than it seems to take other victims of the blindside to get it, because he’s a smug little one. And when he gets it, the look on his face is delicious. Shambo is so confused, which leads that nasty Rev. Laura to sniggle “She has no idea what’s going on.”

Neither did you, Queenie! And I believe Shambo is still in the game, and you’re not! Shut your pie hole, Mean Girl.

So next week’s gonna be interesting, because apparently everyone finally gets how sneaky Russell is. But how to separate him from that idol? Hmmm…..