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(Photo courtesy of CBS)
Update: An earlier version of this post stated that JAMA conducted research, however it was the CDC that did the research and it was published by JAMA.
It was the blog post that launched thousands of angry comments, talk show segments and canceled subscriptions to Marie Claire magazine.
And it inspired a friend, North Palm Beach blogger Julie Stein, to sit right down and write an open letter.
“I can’t believe someone who I never knew existed before today could provoke such a reaction. Not only was it not appropriate, it was just cruel, condescending, insensitive and flat-out incorrect,” wrote Stein in a post on her blog, Julie Unscripted, that she addressed to Marie Claire writer Maura Kelly.
Kelly, you might know by now, is the author of the now-infamous post about how she would be “grossed out” watching Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy, the stars of CBS’ new romantic comedy series Mike & Molly, kissing “or doing anything.”
She also called them “fatties,” suggested that obesity wasn’t that hard to conquer and that she had some dieting tips she’d like to pass on to the masses, like she has to her “plump” friends.
As soon as those incredibly sharp words hit the Web, it was, as they say, on. The talk shows buzzed. The responses, both the well-written ones like Julie’s and the unproductive, ignorant ones that threatened or suggested Kelly do violence to herself, abounded.
Body image and eating disorder specialists worried that Kelly’s words would trigger even more self-hatred and anxiety. Doctors either took the opportunity to shine a light on the unhealthiness of obesity or, in other camps, correct what they believe are some misconceptions about it.
And some fat-acceptance activists were planning the mother of all public displays of affection, “The Big Fat Kiss-In,” in front of the Marie Claire offices Friday.
Kelly immediately attached an apology to her post, saying she never meant to offend or bully anyone and admitted that her own struggles with anorexia and body image may have made her project onto other people. (Her editor, Joanna Coles, was much less apologetic, saying only that Kelly was a “provocative” blogger who was “moved” by the responses.) Very few commenters appear to have accepted that apology, because they can’t imagine that anyone could say fat people gross them out and not know they were being offensive.
“One of the most upsetting parts is that (Kelly) was anorexic, but that this column once again reinforces the idea that thin is good, and fat is bad, which is so unbelievably not true. When I first saw it, my heart sank,” says Johanna Kandel, executive director of the West Palm Beach-based Alliance For Eating Disorder Awareness and a recovered anorexic herself. “Where was the filter, editorially? I’ve lost too many people to eating disorders, too many people whose lives are completely destroyed. We need to watch these negative words, to step back and say, ‘How are people going to feel?’ “
The issue wasn’t so much surprise that anyone, particularly one in the New York fashion media, might feel that way. But it is curious from a magazine like Marie Claire, which has gotten kudos for its handling of weight issues.
“This is a miniature of all of our culture’s attitudes toward fat people right now,” says San Francisco-based fat-pride activist Marilyn Wann, whose movement rejects not only the diet culture but “uses the ‘f’ ‘ word, ‘fat,’ with pride. The media is telling you “fatties don’t count,” she says. “They don’t get to be the hero. They don’t have to have sex. So maybe they’ll be grateful as the object of a joke.”
Dr. Robyn Silverman, body image expert and author of Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession Is Messing up Our Girls and How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It, says some of her colleagues have wondered if the entire post was a ploy by Marie Claire “to get more blog traffic. And it worked.”
Of course, there are some people who think the controversy continues a very real conversation that we need to have about why we shouldn’t condemn overweight people, but shouldn’t encourage them to be fat, either.
“This show is not about people who represent the norm. This is about people who are obese, ” says Miami-based behavioral expert Patrick Wanis. “And that is not healthy. We are watching two people who are quite sick because their health is in danger. It would be better if one of the things they said was ‘We are in love with each other, but let’s both work on being physically healthy.’ “
Still, others, like Silverman and Linda Bacon, medical researcher and author of Health At Every Size, want to emphasize that fat and health are not mutually exclusive. Bacon cites studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which state that the percentage of people in the overweight category live consistently longer than people of so-called normal weight, and that the obese live at least as long.
But they agree that Kelly’s post was not about “a medical issue,” Silverman says. “She was saying out of one side of her mouth ‘Yes, this is unhealthy’ but on the other, it was about the actual appearance of these people being displeasing to her, and that’s discriminatory. No matter what size you are, you have value and should be treated with respect. And are we saying that a thin person who may get up and eat only Cheetos for breakfast and nothing else the rest of the day is healthy because they’re thin? There is no ideal size for health. If you’re eating nutritious food and staying active, why should I care what size you are?”
The story, at least for blogger friend Julie Stein, has an interesting coda. She sent Maura Kelly a copy of her open letter, and was surprised when the writer personally responded:
“You’re right, Julie. Encouraging someone to lose weight is one thing, and insulting people is another. I feel really sad that I’ve hurt so many people, including you. I really do apologize.”
Kelly’s contrition inspired a few more e-mails back and forth, and finally a second blog by Stein, in which she herself takes a slice of “humble pie” and admits that she “kicked (Kelly) while you were down,” because she wrote out of hurt and with the same disregard for Kelly’s feelings that she felt Kelly herself had written with.
The most cautionary part of this cautionary tale is in what Kelly wrote Stein in her last e-mail. She said that she “certainly didn’t anticipate that so many people would take a generalization that I made personally. I feel sad that they did.”
The fact that she didn’t anticipate the damage that those words would do is not only mystifying – provocateurs are supposed to know when they’re provoking – but proof of how Kelly – and all of us – have to sometimes put ourselves in the shoes of the people on the other side of those words.
No matter what size those shoes are.
An excerpt from Maura Kelly’s controversial blog, posted on Oct. 25:
‘So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other …
because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room.
The main characters’ obesity doesn’t gross me out. The entire show grosses me out. The characters are all dysfunctional. We tolerate TWO AND A HALF MEN because the acting is good and it is amusing, for the most part. There isn’t one character in MIKE & MOLLY with redeeming traits. It insults policemen, parents, grandparents, immigrants, and people with drug/alcohol/eating/sexual disorders. Thank goodness for the OFF button on my remote. Pull the plug on the awful show.
I am with Gary Soukup. I like his answer.
I think someone should pull the plug on this Billie character.
Billie you are a real JERK.
I like Mike and Molly show. The character’s are pretty good.
I really like Billy Gardell. Billy reminds me of a guy, I used to
date 27 yrs ago. 1980 to 1983. He is 6″1 big boned and was heavy in the waist and I am a short person and a lot thinner and Now I am heavier than I ever was. I know, he is married now, and I still miss him. I loved him very much back then, I love him even now.
No, I think it’s Diana that has a problem. The show is lame, badly written, obsessed with sex and other addictions, trying to pass it all off as normal, healthy, and an important part of your life. It’s telling the world that if you don’t have addictions, you aren’t healthy. Obesity like them is what’s unhealthy. It’s like my friend says though, if you used to be fat, and lost the excess (he isn’t thin, he just isn’t fat any more) than how do you respect those who won’t attend to their own health?
I’m overweight by about 100 lbs. I like Mike and Molly for what it is. A fun sitcom about two people that are in love and don’t care if the other is over weight or not. Overweight people love, want to be loved, just like anyone else. I remember one time when I was younger, I was talking to a girl, and another person thought is was so funny that I could be talking to someone just like I was a “Normal” person. That happened about 45 years ago and it still hurts.
Only very small minded people who also hate people because the are different would find larger people finding love gross. I guess we know who you are don’t we Marie Claire! You should be ashamed of yourself!
I have only seen the show twice and I must say that I AM grossed out! Not so much by the weight of the characters, but at the lengths the writers go to force sexual innuendo into laughs.
The main characters must have no shame in that they allow themselves to be portrayed the way they are. The whole show merely cements the public stereotypes of overweight Americans, while making light of addictions and abusive parenting.
It is one thing to have dialogue and behavior like this on animated shows, but for some reason it does not seem amusing when it is REAL actors. I expect this show will not last beyond Spring at best.
Overweight people fall in love just like “skinny” people do. Obviously Maura Kelly has her own problems. I find exceedingly thin people “gross” to look at.
I couldn’t even watch it all. I had the show set to record every week, just incase I missed it. But last night, I couldn’t take anymore, less than halfway through the show. I canceled the preset to record it. I’m sick of this filth.
I was speaking of last night’s episode called “After the Lovin’” which went too far with the focus on sex.
I TOTALLY agree about last nites show…I am far from a prude, but the comments from the mother and sister were on ther verge of pure “white trash”….This is just in poor taste..Everyone in the show talks ONLY avout sex..or lack of………….I’m over it
I think Mike and Molly is funny and enjoyable. They are a nice looking couple falling in love. Their families make things funny – laugh and enjoy!
I really am sick of these holy, perfect people that think being overweight is horrible, but fail to even know the person. And, oh goodness, when someone says something about sex. You people are really missing out on a great thing. Not to be able to make jokes and kid about weight and sex is sad, I really feel sorry for people who can’t laugh and feel comfortable with life.
I, too, think Mike and Molly kissing is rather repulsive, but Kelly shouldn’t have blogged about it due to the sensitive nature of the issue. Just out of curiosity, I watched the show last night. Every scene contained inappropriate sexual innuendo coming from the mouths of Molly’s mother, sister and the black cop’s grandmother. None if it was remotely funny.
Sorry. I’m grossed out too! It’s like glorifying fat being OK. See They are fat and they are movie stars… Put them on The Biggest Loser, then we will cheer about them!
Glad you’re perfect. Personally, your attitude repulses me.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit..
Gross…
She hit it on the head. These people are gross and I don’t feel sorry for them at all. Get off of your butt, eat healthy and lose some weight. The “poor me” syndrome in the US is rediculous! Grow up America and grow a pair.
Obesity is out of control. Save your thyroid excuses and either die or get in shape. All fat people are lazy and diplorable. How do you take this life for granted and risk your health. If you give up on yourself, guess what? so do I. Yes, you. Quit stuffing your face, have some self respect and lose some weight. Those of us in shape make fun and judge you fat asses eveyday. You are a waste of human being….shame on you. Where is your discipline?? PLEASE do not have kids if you are obeses. God, do you disgust me Fat America.
Please move elsewhere so we don’t have to pick up your overweight slack….go to France. The blogger spoke honestly, get over it.
Why is it so easy for you to judge others? You might be right about some of the things you said, but why do you have to say it with such anger? If we’re going to exchange advice here, maybe you should consider some anger management and think about the philosophy ‘live and let live’…
Anger? Guess I missed it. Mostly, I read opinions and ratings of the tv show. Where’s the anger? Gotta go do my volunteer stint for today.
So come on fattie show me a sign
Send up a signal I’ll throw you the line
The stained-glass curtain you’re hiding behind
Never lets in the sun
Darlin’ only the good die young
I tell ya
Only the fat die young
Billy Gardell played a cop swatting a night stick in a late night episode of my name is earl just a few nights back.
Really? So hard to read all the hate some people have on here. It’s sort of a racial blog against heavy people. Shame on you… Then again this is America and we are full of it..You are what you eat proves that. Maybe if you ate a snickers you would feel better and stop lashing out on those who want to do what they want!!! People like you or most on here telling them what is right for their body “PLEASE”… They wanna eat let em! If you wanna eat salad and water and work out and take vitiamins..by all means…. The woman who 1st made this statement avoided food in general and I can see why it happens to weaker people, just read all the responces above I would want to throw up too if I was weak. How do you go through life judging others and saying die or lose weight…sicko…I have not seen the show but hey I loved Roseanne :) If you don’t have anything nice to say DONT SAY IT!!!! didnt your mama teach you anything…
so glad they deleated the comment from the person who wants to run America…bye bye
To Oh Please! Do you rant on every opinion blog? Obviously, you didn’t read half the comments, and having never seen the program, why are you commenting at all? Too much computer addiction???
OMG, this woman needs to really seek more mental help for her issues both with her own eating disorder and her lack of sensitivity to other people’s feelings.
Hi Billie…. Yes ofcourse I did read them did you? 10 to 6 you win!! Good for you… Yes i’m addicted to the computer (that’s the 1st step right)?? Maybe they will make a show of it and the hate bloggers can put in an opinion on how bad the computer is for Americans..Maybe tell me to pick up a book or something..This is my 1st rant BTW, I’m a little rusty but I will get the hang of it.. You sure put me in my place…. OH PLEASE….
Maura is ugly! Do we see other writing about her looks. But see beauty is within, not on the outside. I find it very sad and sickening that people simply are grossed out because of obesity. This is about 2 people in love and it is a show, so how can you be grossed out because they are overweight??!! Are you grossed out because people have cancer and no hair, are you grossed out because some people are missing a limb, are you grossed out when you see people who have been badly burned in a fire. IGNORANCE is what I call it!! Enjoy the show. Get a reality check and like JS sais, live and let live. Anyway, karma is a Bi*** and what comes around, goes around, so Maura…you will be up next. As a matter of fact, who are you to judge??!! You need professional help!
Anyone stay tuned to watch the touching aspects of the show that has the main actors going to a big persons support group?
There are lessons for everyone here.
This woman has the face of a camel and has the nerve to bring the point of someones weight into light, she should stay quiet so no one notices her she is ugly as hell inside and out.
I think your true issue with her is jealousy because she’s healthy and fit.
i’m not grossed out by the girth. i’m sickened by the show itself.
If you sit back and really think about ut, about half if not more Americans in this country have a wait issue. It does not take away from anything that they can do. If you don’t like looking at us don’t look at us, however if you want to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t spend every waking moment thinking about how they look and can hold an intelgent conversation give me a call some time. If you ask me it is those “skinny” people who make me sick by kissing and all when you think of how many people they’ve been with…ewwwwwww
Obesity obviates a person’s inability to control themselves which further indicates mental illness. There is a difference between having a few extra pounds and being morbidly obese. This show is disgusting and I agree with the blogger.
I am totally appalled by this show! I agree with the viewer who stated that the characters have no redeeming values- there is NOTHING to like about them! And it has nothing to do with the fact that both Mike and Molly are unattractive (let me rephrase that- aesthetically unpleasing or just “not easy on the eyes”). The writing is terrible, the stories uninteresing. My condolences to the network, I think you have real turkey on your hands.
Over sexed characters do not make for a very good show. Over sexed, fat charachters do not make for a very good, or long running, show.
I think the show is cute – glad to see a show without violence!!
Funny…they won’t let you post comments when it comes to black people because of racial comments but when it comes to weight…BRING THE COMMENTS ON!
Having been overweight my entire weight I’ve had to deal with comments, hatred, ridicules, discrimination, bullying, physical attacks, staring, you name it. And it’s been fine, OK, allowed, encouraged. Call a black person a n****r, a Hispanic a S**c, a woman a b***c and you get jumped, fired, shot. Call an overweight person an elephant, fattie, a pig and everybody laughs.
Superiors in management laugh at it and tell you not to be so sensitive. When in school you’re told to take it in, be a big boy or girl.
I hope this reporter loses her job.
I was very happy to see such a backlash against Kelly. For decades it has been socially acceptable to say to fat people what we would not say about any other group. Fat peoples’ bodies are public domain. If stigma (and gov health nags) worked, why haven’t they made people thin? Both have been around since at least the 1950s. It also amazes me that we have not made the connection between the way fat people are treated and the alleged negative health problems associated with “overweight.”
I’m all for individual rights for all body types, but when it comes to kissing and sexually related material,viewers generally imagine themselves in the characters position. So of course watching obese people can be gross for some. The blogger was being honest.
There’s a reason why most porn stars are not obese.
I can’t believe how many ignorant people there are in this world, and the fact that none of them seem to have any obese family members. Kudos to you all for being so fortunate. I truly mean that, but now it puzzles me because all I hear on the news is more than half the country is obesed. It is really nice to know there are families out there that obesity has not touched them. God Bless to all you fortunate ones.
Now about the Mike & Molly show and all the comments about all the episodes talking about sex. If any of you narrow minded people would pay attention, the show is not about sex it is about to overweight people trying to have a relationship which includes sex. As any relationship does. As for their relatives in the show, well as one person mentioned in their comment about how they tolerate Two and Half Men because the acting is good. I didn’t realize if you were skinny your acting was better.
Mike & Molly is a funny show about two people trying to have a relationship, whether they are fat or not shouldn’t matter. Their size should not matter. DM from Queens, NY.
I heard about the comment this morning made by the Marie Claire writer in regards to the Mike and Molly show and it really bothered me all day. My husband and I really enjoy the show and I think Mike and Molly are a cute couple. If it isn’t your kind of show, then don’t watch. First of all, why does everyone on TV have to have the cookie cutter hollywood glam look in order for us to want to watch them. This comment is a predjudice against people who are heavy, and is no different than if a negative comment would be made against people of a different race, religion, sexual orientation, old-age….the list goes on. Sadly, there is predjudice everywhere. I am sad that Kelly has such a repulsion towards large people…it is clearly a reflection of how she feels about herself or she wouldn’t have said it. And I worry about how she is feeling about herself right now because I imagine at this time it is not to positive. I hope she is seeking help. Unfortunately, the perfect youthful body and the flawless airbrushed face is shoved at us over and over everyday in the media and it is affecting so many people in so many negative ways. It’s sad that we cannot accept ourselves and others for who we are without starving ourselves, taking diet pills or running to get our faces injected with serums without considering or caring what the long term affects are. The plastic surgeons waiting rooms are full of people in search of perfection. In the field of work Kelly is in, I believe she is constantly overloaded with images of perfect people and has developed a scewed perception of what is acceptable. I believe it is in some way, a form of brainwashing that she has received by being exposed (just as so many of us are) to an industry that focuses so much on beauty and youth that she can no longer accept or tolerate how the majority of people in the real world look. It’s not just her…eating disorders are rampant, plastic surgery procedures are on the rise…all because we are told over and over by the media that the retouched images are how we SHOULD look. With the explosion of so-called “Reality” shows…women physically fighting, calling each other horrible names, all the attention-seeking, surgically-enhanced fame-seekers who are willing to give up their dignity for a chance at fame and fortune…is this really the behaviour we want to expose ourselves and the next generation to? Although I am not surprised by the mass outrage of the majority of people over Kelly’s comment, some of the comments about her are also very cruel and uncalled for. Are we any better when we lash out at someone who clearly has issues. Anger and voicing your opinion is fine, but how is calling down her looks any better than what she said? Attack the comment, not the person. It is not exactly setting an example of acceptance. Respond rather than react…your angry words are no better than her ugly words about the show. On one side we try to teach our kids to be kind and considerate to others and then when someone make an error in judgement we hipocritically turn around and do exactly what we have told them not to do..we lash out and attack with the same predjudice. Is it okay to get angry, have an opinion and feel passionate about something…of course….but really…do we need to fight hate and predjudice with more of the same?
I tuned into the show after all the backlash from Kelly’s blog and really couldn’t figure out her problem is. It’s not as if Mike & Molly are naked for pete’s sake! They’re just sitting and kissing. Sorry to burst your bubble Kelly but overweight people kiss…and are in loving relationships…and yes, have sex. Get off your high horse.
I think the show could have been a good show but the sister and mother have ruined it totally for me. I find them both gross to look at (versus the fat people) and the trash that comes out of their mouths would put Charlie Sheen to shame. After last night’s show I don’t find any redeeming qualities. Our children certainly do not need to see such trash nor do adults.
The show is a harmless light hearted comedy about two fatties falling in love. They are going through the normal process that couples go through with their insecurities and all. It may be gross to others, but it’s just real life. If viewers watch it stays on the air, if viewers don’t it will fade away. The Marie Claire article only helps the situation to bring in more viewers, but it’s easy to see this show could jump the shark sooner than later. Fat jokes are great, but you need more meat and potatoes to have long term viewers.
Ha Ha! Nice Link there Tony! whatfatpeopledontlike LOL
Overall, I appreciate the article and the points raised. But I would like to call the journalist on some sloppy reporting from the interview she did with me and just want to make these corrections. JAMA didn’t do research – the research was done by the CDC and published in JAMA. Also the research showed that people who are considered “moderately obese” live as long as those in the “normal weight” category, not “morbidly obese,” as is reported. The term “morbidly obese” is not part of my vocabulary (nor should it be in anyone’s!). My point is that weight is very much exaggerated as a health concern and we’d be much better off if we focused on supporting everyone – fat, thin or somewhere in between – in appreciating their bodies and making good health choices. For anyone that would like more information debunking the weight/health myths, I write about it extensively in my book, Health at Every Size, and you can also find some free info at the book’s website, wwww.HAESbook.com.
Linda Bacon
Here’s the thing that makes me the most mad. We are all HUMAN BEINGS. Why do we have to be classified at fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white. We are all people with feelings. It is amazing how horrible people can be when they can hide behind a computer. Are we really all this unhappy with our lives that we have to be hateful to others. This is a very sad world we live in.
I THINK THE SHOW IS FUNNY,MOSTLY FOR THE WRONG REASONS.THEY ARE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT,BY WATCHING WHAT THEY EAT,AND THEY ALSO GO TO A SUPPORT GROUP.I FEEL THEIR IS WAY TO MUCH SEX,SUCH A RELATIONSHIP IS SHALLOWE INDEED.I FEEL THE SHOW COULD BE JUST AS FUNNY WITHOUT ALL THE SEX,YOU WOULD THINK THAT IS ALL THEY ARE INTERESTED IN.THERE ARE ALOT OF CLASSIC COMEDIES THAT DID NOT HAVE ALL THE SEX,AND THEY ALL STILL FUNNY TODAY.A MONKEY COULD WRITE ABOUT SEX,IT DOES NOT TAKE ALOT OF BRAINS TO DO SO.
@you are what you eat it’s “deplorable”
Watched Mike & Molly for the first time tonight. And, honestly, it sort of broke my heart. It seems to me that the producers are exploiting the obesity factor in society by casting these two actors and making it seem ‘just fine’ that they’re obese. There’s nothing fine about it. It’s unhealthy, increasing one’s risk for a host of diseases that open the door for even more diseases. There’s nothing fun, charming or okay about Type II diabetes, heart disease or cancer. And there’s nothing funny about the burden that places on the family and on society. It’s part of the cause for health care costs soaring. Just because 2/3 of American adults are now obese doesn’t make it okay or any less sad. And a TV show parroting that problem without making it any sort of an issue to work on is even more sad.
I don’t have anything against people that are obese…but I am against obesity.
Most fat people don’t like being fat themselves – they have just accepted it because it’s too much hard work to keep in shape. Regardless of that, fat people are fat, plain & simple. Fat means rolls of skin, excess sweating & therefore odor. Stop trying to act like being fat is like a preference of short or long hair. It affects those around you. Honestly, it is gross & most of you know it. And no, I’m not thin, never have been. I’ve had my ups & downs with my weight. Why do I lose??? Because I’m not happy with extra weight, but I don’t make it everyone elses fault.