New York / New Jersey auditions: Judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson. (Michael Becker / FOX)

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Kid Rock, you can officially eat this here crow.

Because it was you, Bob from Michigan, who opined that Steven Tyler, the scarf-draped king of soulful rock screaming, would trash his Aerosmith legacy by joining the “American Idol” judging panel. Whatever, Cowboy. Steven, his big old sexy scary mouth, his perfect highlights and Steve Nicks-onian fashion sense, owned that joint, the joint being the judging table he shared during last night’s premiere with old “Idol” spice Randy Jackson and new spice Jennifer Lopez.

Here are just a few of his bonnest mots. And that’s not even a thing, but I just made it one, because with the power of Steven and his magic scarves, I feel like I can do everything, like even defy the accepted properties of English grammar. Chew on that, Bawitdaba!

— “Tushala.”

— “Oh, Honey, no.”

— “Not sure this is your forte.”

— “What we have here is a failure to communicate…musically.”

Not only is Steven awesome – he’s a good singer, a bonafide legend, a successful musician, a great engaging personality and an honest judge – but he seems to make his colleagues awesome, too. JLo, who everyone thought would diva out, is a sweetheart who hates telling people no, probably because she knows what it feels like. Even Randy, who never met a cliche he didn’t want to stomp into the ground with that bass he used to play for Journey, had some funny moments of authority.

Let’s be honest – last season was a disaster with the emotional and energy-based disconnect on the judging panel. Simon Cowell looked like he was counting down the seconds to his departure in his head, Ellen DeGeneres looked disheartened, Randy was unintelligible and Kara just didn’t work. But this group looked into it and ready to hear some singing already. Or, if need be, ready to dive under the table and cry. I know I did a couple of times.

Here’s my observation on a selected few:

– Rachel, 22, from NY, auditioned in Season 6 but didn’t make it past Hollywood. She sings “Hallelujah,” which just doesn’t need to ever be sung again. She’s a little shaky in the key department, but she has a gorgeous, warm voice. She’s going to Hollywood!

— Caleb Hawley of NY has one of those bluesy, throwback voices that suits him well, and sounds great with Tyler singing along. Steven needs to sing with everyone.

— Kenzie Palmer, one of those newly-sanctioned 15-year-olds we’ve been hearing about, is sort of boring, possibly because her naturally pretty voice hasn’t matured yet. Steven and JLo agree that she is missing some zing, but she gets through anyway.

— Lovely Achille, from the Ivory Coast, sings like Iman gargling with the blood of a contestant from Bravo’s “The Fashion Show” that she killed simply with the power of her contempt. She blames the carnage on her accent, but JLo is having none of it – “It’s more about the singing,” she says. Huzzah!

— Tiffany of Morris Plains, N.J. is a tragic Jersey Shore cliche with the voice of a goddess trapped inside by the hairspray fumes. She shows up with giant stars on her boobs, but has such a great voice she blows everyone’s mind. After all, most people resort to cheapness and buffoonery because they have nothing else. The judges love her, but warn that she’d better cut the shtick and just be good. This Kid Rock CD says she’s gonna freeze and blow it.

— Robby Rosen looks like a young Horshack but sings like a “Glee” wannabe. Sort of standard, but nice.

— Chris the Eagle Scout is the first of the season’s special snowflakes, a kid whose parents ought to be shaken because in their coddling and protectiveness, they failed to tell him that he can’t sing. While he’s inside futzing around, the whole family is out there with Seacrest honestly wondering if he’s gonna be good. Here’s a clue – he’s not. And you should know this, Family. You set that boy up. Scout’s honor. Michael Perotto, who goofs his way through “Proud Mary,” is another one – “People would tell me if I sucked,” he insists. Apparently not. Giant fail, America.

— Ashley Sullivan of Springfield, Mass. is my kind of crazy – super sincere, very funny, and looking like the love child of Winona Ryder and Illeana Douglas. Her Broadway voice gets the “Meh” face initially, but after she begs and insists that America and Idol “needs to get with Liza,” everyone seems alternately charmed and exhausted, and Steven and JLo let her through. Steven declares her to be his personal project. Dream on, man.

— Victoria Huggins is a southern slice of adorable, and she’s so sweet that my teeth all detached themselves from my gums and jumped into a vat of Sensodyne. Not excited about her. Sorry.

— Melinda Adem, the refugee from Kosovo, is good, but her voice will be even better when she’s 20. Devyn the singing waitress is phenomenal. Genice, the “I’m A Believer” girl. isn’t as bad as everyone thinks, but the judges seemed to have so much fun singing over her that they missed that. Yikes.

— Can we all agree that Yoji Pop, the Japanese Michael Jackson imitator who refused to sing Michael Jackson, is the most awesome resident of the Clown Town portion of these auditions that we’ve ever seen? He’s so campy and weird (“I have one song, but I hate it”) but still fascinating. And he managed to make a Miley Cyrus song kinda dirty. Bravura, young man.

— Brielle with the cancer-surviving doo wop dad has a great story, but it’s stronger than her voice. Sorry. The judges agree she’s got some work to do, but they sort of had to let her through.

— The last kid, Travis from the Bronx, also has a sob story, but a better voice. He and his family have been homeless, and see Travis’ gift as a saving grace. He delivers a jazz “Eleanor Rigby” that’s punchy and fun. I hope he gets far. And I hope even more than his family is OK.

I was pleasantly surprised because I don’t hate anything yet. But it’s the first night.