Logan, wave goodbye. We’ll still see your silver pants from a thousand miles away.
Sorry, I get ahead of myself, but this episode was another in this season’s long line of “Make a pretty ensemble/dress, designers!” My eyes, they glaze over. What ever happened to “Here’s some Tupperware. Design a garment!”
She smiles in your face, all the time she wants to take your place — the back stabber!
Last night’s challenge even went so far as to bastardize from this season: Make a companion piece to your best (i.e. winning) design from this season. Oops, sorry, Logan. We’ll just pick out your prettiest gown, since you were never a winner.
And since the theme of this season seems to be black/white/turd brown, we were once again left with no color on the runway. Or at least, no vibrant colors.
Here’s what they had to work with:
Logan — His first challenge dress, a silver gown with zipper details.
Irina — The Aspen ski bunny ensemble. You know, the turd brown one.
Gordana — The divorcée dress, done in the tattered grey acetate lining.
Christopher — His red-carpet mini, with petal appliqués over a marshmallow bottom.
Althea— Her micro-short suit with paper-bag waist and black jacket.
Carol Hannah— The Christina Aguilera stage outfit with black feathers and sequins.
Alrighty, then! What will they come up with?
But first, this week’s non-drama, brought to you by Garnier, L’Oreal, the Macy’s accessories wall, and any other sponsor the show can drag out.
Irina is a nasty mean girl. Lather, rinse, repeat. Might I suggest Garnier Fructisse for your shampoo? Smells great, less filling.
In classic mean girl fashion, she has an acolyte, Miss Althea, who claims Logan is ripping off her use of zippers on his collar treatment. Irina eggs her on, but trust me, when a mean girl backs you up, this does not lead to good things.
Meanwhile, I’m so stultified by the turd brown, black, white and grey in the workroom, I might need to play a game of Candyland just to remember what color looks like. Gordana, bless her heart, is doing something so strict, even a matron in a Siberian workhouse wouldn’t put it on.
Let’s just move on to the runway, shall we? As the designers dress in preparation, it’s nice to know Irina puts on her killer Joan Crawford hurt-me pumps, and Logan pulls out the silver pants AGAIN. He must know something — like that he’s in trouble? Silver pants, don’t fail me now.
And look! In a move of solidarity, Heidi is wearing some cut off shiny silver pants, too — why, that must mean he’s safe! And we have Nina and two other guest judges. Actress Kerry Washington (love her) and can it be? Yes, it be! Uncle Nick from season two of Project Runway! You know, a season when it was still watchable and fun. Ah, the salad days. I long for a return.
Here are all our entries, starting with the top dogs and working downward.
Althea is the big winner this time, and what I will say is her companion piece fits much better than the short suit it emulated. I'm a sucker for a big grey kimono sweater, too. And frankly, Tanisha is the best walker of the models.
Am I happy Irina didn't win? Yes. Did I think it looked like a Russian model/millionaire's girlfriend look as per Uncle Nick? Yes. Do I think that's a good thing? No. It's a slutty thing. I think Nina was in agreement.
Carol Hannah does make adorable dresses, but what else? And yes, model Lisa Blades is the second best dead ringer for Ava Gardner, after a younger Marcia Gay Harden.
It’s worth noting that while on the runway, receiving her praise, Althea had to take a momentary interruption from Irina. Yes, the “You copied MY sweater!” came roiling to a boil. No one called out darling Logan, but Irina felt the need to tear down her former mean girl comrade in arms. That’s what happens when you run with the queen bee, Althea. Prepare to get stung.
Look, ladies, I design handknit sweaters. And there are no new ideas, and haven’t been for a long time. There are just tweaks. So Althea, get some hair color and go back to your corner, and Irina, buy some self-tanner and return to yours. You’ll both live to fight another day.
And now, the sad bottom.
Christopher now has ten lives, and he can hide them all, and some children (thanks, Kerry Washington!) under that dress. Take away the white marshmallow and it's not that bad. It just looks like a black maillot with melting lead.
Even the silver pants can't save this. Poor Koji. Such a pretty girl, swathed in zippers on her final runway. She deserved a better fate, no?
Uncle Nick said it looked like a Warsaw office worker uniform. But I have another flashback. Here it comes...
Don’t say I didn’t warn you…Gordana, I love you, but all I could think of was this.
Matron wear!
And if you watch the extended judging, all I can say is Gordana, never mess with a girl’s naturally curly hair. Poor Matar!
Next week, we’ll find out who the final four are, although only three will show at Bryant Park. I think we all know it’s going to be Estrogen City, n’est ce pas?
“Is next..SWIMVEAR!” My sister and I have been saying that and cracking up like fools for 20-something years now. That’s beautiful. And so accurate.
I can’t believe I’m the only one who went down memory lane for it. Even my beloved T-Lo (Project Rungay) and Entertainment Weekly didn’t go for the Wendy’s.
I want a Single, now.