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'Divorce Rehab' is a webcast with an about divorced women. Amy Botwinick (in white sweater) leads the discussion while taping the webisode about financial issues and divorce at her home in Boca Raton. (Taylor Jones/The Palm Beach Post)
Fluffed, buff and freshly blown out, the Real Divorcees of Boca Raton are gathered around Amy Botwinick’s kitchen table on a Monday afternoon, discussing their breakups.
Looking good appears to be the best revenge against cheating, mistreating husbands, judging by these eight cast members of Divorce Rehab, a web show (divorcerehab.com ) created this past summer by Botwinick, a Boca Raton chiropractor-turned-divorce therapist.
One, 42-year-old Karolyn Heskin of Delray Beach, wearing a strapless lace top, is baring a little skin for the camera along with her soul.
But even perfect makeup can’t hide heartbreak.
Three years ago, Heskin was undergoing chemotherapy for a rare cancer while her husband was in rehab for alcoholism.
“I was sick, but he was just as sick,” she said. “I had to leave him or I would die.”
Now cancer-free and divorced, Heskin, whose company supplies staff for liquor promotions, is among this group of newly single women from their 30s to late 60s starting their lives over on camera. Most want to learn how to live alone while hoping they won’t have to.
“Look, there’s no cookbook for getting over divorce,” said Botwinick, who endured her own “horrific” breakup, then wrote a self-help book about it in 2005, called Congratulations on Your Divorce – The Road to Finding Your Happily Ever After. The book propelled Botwinick into counseling other women on divorce. She eventually started a website, womenmovingon.com, stocked with resources to help women recover from divorce trauma.
“Some women never get over it. Others are stuck for a very long time, either financially or just because they’re still angry. We try to get them to move on,” said Botwinick.
Kelly Molinari
Ten years after Kelly Molinari’s divorce, the equestrienne and small-business consultant remained mired in bitterness and hurt. And after a subsequent long-term relationship, followed by a broken engagement, the 44-year-old Wellington resident admitted, “I have male trust issues.”
She began reclaiming her self-esteem, she says, after joining the Divorce Rehab cast in June. “I found the person I used to be,” she said, through the support of fellow cast members combined with the show’s personal development exercises such as a ropes challenge course. She’s even dating again.
Finances, failures, picking up the pieces
“Stop! Wait for me to get the shot. OK, start again.”
Bernard Salzman, a Miami-based cinematographer and the show’s producer, directs from behind his hand-held camera as the women talk about this month’s topic: post-divorce finances. A veteran of films and national commercials, Salzman plans to pitch the show to cable TV networks that cater to women, such as Lifetime, WE or Oprah’s new network.
“It was hard finding women to open up and expose themselves, but it’s almost like a therapy session on camera. There is something that happens to these women by talking to each other. There is a lightness they haven’t had since their divorce,” said Salzman.
Melinda Armstrong
A capacity for connectedness and in-depth friendships seems to buoy these women flattened by the loss of love. Melinda Armstrong spent years “as a coddled NFL wife” while married to former New England Patriots offensive lineman Bruce Armstrong.
“I stuck my head in the sand about finances and our relationship,” said the Miramar mother of two, who used food to bury the guilt from initiating her 2004 divorce. She’s since lost 40 pounds, become a health and fitness coach and “found the love of my life” in a younger man.
Tali Israel, 39, a Delray Beach real estate agent and former model, said the group helped her regain her self-confidence. After her divorce a decade ago, she immediately started a long relationship with the “same kind of controlling, manipulative man,” she said. That breakup shattered her pride and self-esteem.
“But knowing other people are going through this, gives me hope I can start anew,” she said.
But perhaps the most optimistic model for life after divorce is Botwinick herself.
After taking a chance on a blind date, she married an older man and declares herself “deliriously happy” in her blended family of six children.
“I know that divorce feels like the end of the world,” she said. “But you have to pick up the pieces of your old life and put them together differently.”
MATRIMONY: THAT’S SO 20th CENTURY
Divorce may become obsolete now that marriage seems to be optional among young people, according to a new survey the examines Americans’ changing attitudes about matrimony.
Among nearly 2,700 people surveyed by the Pew Research Center in October, 39 percent of those between 18 and 29 say marriage is headed the way of VCRs and Internet dial-up. When Time magazine posed a similar question in 1978, only 28 percent said marriage was headed for obsolescence.
Calling it a ‘very important social change,’ a Pew researcher pointed out that the number of adults co-habitating has nearly doubled since 1990, to 44 percent. For the first time in more than 100 years, more people between the ages of 25 and 34 are unmarried than married, according to census figures.
Amy Botwinick, Lisa Marcus and Tali Israel. (Taylor Jones/The Palm Beach Post)
I really hope woman that read this article and who need help dealing with their own situation will find our blog on http://www.divorcerehab.com and start communicating with us so that we can help them too. This has been such a powerful experience for me, that I really hope to help others. Thanks Amy, Bernard and all of my fellow DR ladies for making a difference; you have been a blessing in my life this year. Kelly
Way to go Amy!!! I was with you when you went through your brutal divorce and you truly are an amazing woman. Thank you for all you have done by helping to reach out and help other women to see they are not stuck and can live a happy and full life!! You are one Special woman! Jodi
Amy Botwinick turned her personal challenge into her passion and is inspiring women to follow in her footsteps to live a full and fulfilling life! This is one more step in the process that is making an impact on divorced women.
As the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, I invite all parents who are facing, moving through or transitioning past divorce to visit my website for free articles, weekly newsletter, coaching services and other valuable resources to help them make the best decisions on behalf of their children. http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Sincerely,
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
I think Divorce Rehab has been a great thing for Kelly. Although she has always been a self sufficient girl, I can see where DR has helped her become even more self confident. I feel her best years are still ahead of her and she will make the most of them. My husband and I are very proud of her and thank God for giving us such a wonderful daughter! Pat M.
Please…these women never knew the heartache and despair I have felt after my divorce. I’m a survivor; these women still live in their nice homes, drive nice cars and have plenty to eat. I’m still struggling to get back on my feet after losing everything-my business, home, cars, boat, my ability to have children-(I’m an ovarian cancer survivor)I have no family, and no children. They don’t know how lucky they are. Loss of love? Try losing everything-family, the ability to have children and everything you worked your entire life to have…then we’ll talk.
Just wanted to comment to PBC Native. I think you definitely could not get the ENTIRE story of any of our lives from a brief article. Some of us DID lose everything. I do not still have my “nice home, cars, etc.” I HAVE struggled. Watch our stories on the website to get a better understanding. Besides, there is no competition to see whose divorce was most horrific. When it’s your life that changes, it hurts. I am so sorry for your losses and I pray that you and ANY WOMAN who experiences divorce is able to pick up the pieces and move on.
~Melinda
if tali is 39 so are we all
WAH WAH WAH…….get over it, very few divorces are solely bad behavior by one partner.
Hey, just wanted to say thanks and great job on this article. You definitely captured the true spirit of the Divorce Rehab team.
They married guys for looks and MONEY and HA, What did it get you??? Heartache! Start looking at someone for something other than Money and I’ll feel for ya!
Is it April 1 already? This has to be a joke – after all, I’m laughing like hell at you all. I’ll be your kids and grandkids are proud too.
Is it April 1 already? This has to be a joke – after all, I’m laughing like hell at you all. I’ll bet your kids and grandkids are proud too.
Are there not two sides to the story? What about the men who are victims as well? Perhaps hearing their heartbreak and pain would be “fair and balanced”. How many woman ran off with their tennis coach, fitness instructor, or reconnected with old boyfriends?
I love the story about the wife who let her body go to hell and then was shocked she got divorced. She has since lost 40 lbs and will once again look great until she gets married again.
The most fating food in the world – wedding cake.
Guys! Give them a break. Nice to see these women doing something positive for not just themselves but for others. Instead of complaining, why not try doing something productive for the world. Write a book or start a show. Just stop complaining, it’s sooooo old!
I agree, two sides to every story. Men and women can be equally bad and good. All of us are human and the break up of marriages takes two. Grow up, learn from your mistakes and move on.