Mike and his band, Apache Stone, perform at his bar.

It was the showdown of all showdowns.

Chamberlain vs. Russell? Not even close.

Magic vs. Bird? Come on, they did Mickey D commercials together …

Hayes vs. Schembechler? Woody and Bo’s relationship was a lovefest in comparison.

Clemens vs. Piazza? OK, this is getting closer, with shards of bats being thrown around, but when it comes to pure, unadulterated hatred, we finally got the mano a mano meeting we all had been waiting for.

After weeks of buildup, Gavin vs. Keefe did not disappoint.

The two paramours of Tommy Gavin – Janet, his wife and Sheila, the widow of his cousin – came together in a chance meeting that resulted in punches thrown, vulgar texts sent and, ultimately, an ultimatum.

The strings have been cut. It’s time for Tommy to decide.

“Lesbos” opens with the crew anxiously awaiting the start of the finals. Not a football final. Not baseball. Not even basketball.

Why, the “Dancing with the Stars” final, of course.

Chief Needles arrives late and is sickened by what he sees, calling into question his crew’s masculinity. He then notices one of the dancers is the defensive tackle from Tampa Bay, just out of jail, who is teamed with Heather Locklear, fresh out of rehab. He quickly sits down and puts money on who he expects to win.

At the bar, Mike’s band, “Apache Stone,” is on stage, largely ignored by an, ahem, highly eclectic crowd that includes several friends of Carla, Franco’s girlfriend. Snezyana, Needles’ Russian mail-order bride arrives and proceeds to make out with everyone in the bar, save Apache Stone’s drummer.

Fresh off last week’s failed intervention, Tommy is joined by cousin Eddie, cousin Mick and Uncle Teddy, who all thank him for pulling them all off the wagon. Teddy is nearly giddy as he describes his new-found alcoholic freedom that includes trips to the kitchen sink rather than the bathroom.

Lou announces he is marrying Candy, the ex-hooker, ex-thief, partly because of his being motivated by Sean’s newfound carpe diem attitude.

“You’re taking life advice from Garrity?” an incredulous Tommy asks Lou. “Why not take driving tips from Billy Joel?”

Back at the firehouse, Sheila arrives to drop off a cake and Janet arrives to talk to Tommy about their daughter. Tommy, unfortunately (or, possibly, fortunately for him) is called away to a fire.

In a nearly empty firehouse Janet and Sheila have a chance to catch up. Pleasant small talk lasts for, oh, about 12 seconds before the claws come out, with Sheila telling Janet to go to hell.

“Aren’t you already there?” a smiling Janet replies.

After a few more body shots, including misspelled texts, the crux of the issue comes out when Janet says, “If you wanted my husband so bad, why didn’t you take him?”

This time it’s Sheila with the snappy rejoinder: “If you wanted him, why haven’t you taken him back?”

The crew returns and nearly jumps off the firetruck, not wanting to miss the meltdown showdown. Tommy, meanwhile, drags his feet like a teenager knowing full well that he’s about to catch hell from Mom and Dad.

He stammers to explain himself, mustering only the point that there weren’t supposed to be strings attached.

And on this point, Janet and Sheila finally agree. There are strings. Oh, yes, there are strings attached.

The truck receives another call, enabling Tommy to escape the insanity that is his personal life for the simplicity of a four-alarm fire.

As the crew saves trapped people from the engulfed building, they are confronted by a mystery lady, who punches her way into the building and emerges with a large silver box and describes her suicidal sprint into the burning building as “awesome!”

Clearly, the woman – played by ER alum Maura Tierney – has issues. It should be our pleasure in the coming weeks to find out what exactly they are.

So what did you think of the episode? Who would you pick – Janet or Sheila? Who do you think Tommy will pick? Do you think Franco really will drop his girlfriend? Do you think Lou really will get married? Who do you think Snezyana will end up with next?