Say what?

In a move that I cannot even believe, that had me clapping like a drunken seal, “General Hospital” has cast JAMES FRANCO as…who cares as what? James “Pineapple Express” Movie Star Hottest of The Hot Franco is doing a two-month stint on “General Hospital.” A soap opera. A soap opera that sometimes seems to plot the end of story lines by taking a shot of whiskey, putting on a blindfold and throwing a dart over its shoulder.

Of course, Elizabeth Taylor was a bigger star than anyone in the world when she was cast temporarily as crazy diva matriarch of evil Helena Cassadine, but that was back in 1981, when the show was amazingly popular. The rumor is that Franco has been cast as Vlad Cassadine, some new relative of the evil Helena (now Constance Towers), who is even more evil than her – he may be the person holding her hostage as we speak, along with boozy show hero Luke Spencer (Anthony Geary). And Sister likes to cut people’s throats, so her evil is not the kind you scoff at.

The possibility of Franco, a talented actor who knows how to have fun with a character, playing an eeeevil Cassadine, is as delicious as a fried Cheeto, because he will probably be working with some of the show’s best performers. Towers, a silkily sexy powerhouse, can pronounce the words “My darling” as if sweetly painting a target on her companion’s chest for an unseen sniper. Geary, when he’s given something good to do, can be slyly fierce. The other Cassadines, including Tyler Christopher’s morose Nikolas, and the grandly awesome Alexis Davis, played by my favorite GH actress, Nancy Lee Grahn, will be excellent as well.

My only reservation is Steve Burton, whose brain-damaged hitman Jason Morgan is thrown into every storyline because the show can’t let him go as a hero. I have read that Vlad could be one of Jason’s worst nightmares, which annoyed me because I didn’t want Jason involved in the storyline at all. I wanted a storyline about the other veterans where they didn’t all have to play stupid and let Jason solve all the crimes and save the day. The hitman. Saves the day. The professional killer. Who works for the world’s worst mobster.

But I digress, all the way to this other exciting “GH” news – reports say that Jonathan Jackson, the original Lucky Spencer (son of Luke and Laura), is finally returning to the role that made him famous, thus displacing current Lucky Greg Vaughn. I’m sorry for anyone to lose their job, but Jackson was the best Lucky. He has been around for years, so it’ll be interesting to see what he does with it as an adult.

I can’t wait. I REALLY can’t wait for James Franco as Vlad. Or whoever. If he plays Bobby Joe the Pithy Bartender, it’ll still be great.