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Jillian Behm, James "Jimmy T" Tarantino, Jimmy Johnson, Yve Rojas, Marty Piombo, of The Espada Tribe
SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
Nicaragua! They’ve got monkeys! They’ve got volcanoes! They’ve got Jimmy! Crikey!
I love Kelly B, not just because she’s from Palm Beach County, but because she’s got a secret – she’s a record-holding triathlete – and that her tribemates think she’s gonna rely on sympathy votes because of her missing leg. They never suspect that her real threat is being able to kick much butt…with her remaining leg.
And that’s something I can’t wait to see.
To review last week: Wendy talked too much and got bounced, thanks to a quick-thinking Jimmy Johnson and his ability to pretend that he was putting himself on the chopping block. But really, he was sort of waving his arm over the block while tripping Wendy onto it. He doesn’t have two Super Bowl rings because he doesn’t know how to handle people.
Jimmy is running the morning meeting at “Murder She Wrote” Village, because he’s the Man. I don’t think he knows how to take a back seat. This has cheesed off Jimmy T, who I have decided is the missing drummer from The Beaver Brown Band or something, because his bitterness smacks of someone who was important once and doesn’t like his specialness being eclipsed. (And Beaver Brown fans, I mean no disrespect, because “On The Dark Side” remains an atmospheric masterpiece.) He just smacks of Former Rocker. Never mind – he’s not cool enough to have drummed on that song.
And over at “Survivor 90210,” Naonka is grooving on Sash, who is half-Jamaican and wants to bring together a minority alliance. Naonka thinks that Kelly B is a charity case and that her leg is gonna fall off in a competition. Oh, Naonka. I can’t wait for you to be so, so completely punched in the face with the weight of your assumptions. Tastes like foot, huh?
Meanwhile in Century Village, Holly is having what you might politely call a self-destructive moment, or impolitely call a Crazy Patch. She’s decided that the snails collected for a meal are bad and runs off to dump them, yelling at Jill and labeling herself forever with the Finger of Funkiness. Of course, they talk about her, because of course they are! But this makes Holly mad, and she expresses this by filling Dan’s shoes with sand. Uh…what, Jungle Glenn Close?
Dan realizes that his shoes have gone missing, and knows someone has to have swiped them from his bag. Apparently, they’re $1600 shoes, and I’d feel for him if I didn’t think he was sorta dumb for bringing $1600 shoes to a muddy jungle. But it’s official – Holly’s gone Russell! Meanwhile. she suddenly realizes she’s acted loopy and wants to correct things before there’s any permanent damage. Too late!
“Holly keeps getting stranger and stranger, and everytime she speaks, she gets crazier and crazier,” says Tyrone, who is becoming this season’s quipster. “I’ma keep one eye on her and one eye on my shoes.”
Speaking of the Hantz and his infernal influence, Naonka has decided that someone stole her socks, and is after her, so now she’s stolen Fabio’s socks because that’s how they do it wherever she’s from, and don’t bother getting in her face, because she doesn’t play that, even when she, you know, STOLE YOUR SOCKS. Oh, the “Survivor” casting department. The crazypants gift that keeps on giving.
Holly is telling Jimmy J, who’s looking kinda sexy with that scruff (!) that she thinks she wants to go home. He’s spinning some Vince Lombardi jazz about how fatigue makes cowards of us all. Hush up, Coach. In this game, quitting makes us all not have to vote someone off this week. Let her quit.
If I were her, I would have quit if I’d known the immunity/reward challenge (remmunity? iward?) was crawling through mud and hay. Who are we kidding? I would never be on this show. To me, roughing it means a hotel where the bar and the restaurant are on different floors. The older tribe decides wisely to use their He-Man Medal to give them an advantage – the goal is to crawl in the grossness, dig some balls wrapped in…something…unravel them, toss them to tribemates catching them with what look like plastic cocktail trays, and then tossing them into a barrel. What are the Challenge Creators smoking? Something awesome, I tell you, because it’s fast, dirty and fun. Anyway, the Oldsters only have to do two, which is pretty sweet.
The Cocoon Tribe wins, because of their advantage, and also because Tyrone, who is making the baskets, has good aim. The Scooby Gang is stunned, but I notice that Probst has a good time noticing how well Kelly Bruno does in the challenge and that her artificial leg stays put. You have to think that they are gearing up for a big reveal about her athletic ability. I hope so.
Alina Wilson and Kelly Bruno, of La Flor Tribe.
Naonka says she wanted to see if Kelly would use her leg as an excuse – “I don’t like her, but I’m proud of her,” she says. I love it when people hate on other people just because they can’t figure them out. Naonka’s on the block, but Brenda’s another possibility. John Cena Chase digs on her, so he’s dubious. But there’s his alliance with Shannon to consider. I am kinda torn – I think Naonka is the obvious choice, but then again she says so many crazy things that she’s a braided ball of train wreck. Hmm.
Fabio also finds Naonka funny, because we see him find one of her extensions and pretend to be her. Darn you, camera people! Why was there no sound on that? Confounded in my funmaking! Curses!
Oh, that wily Brenda! She’s working hard trying to work Chase by having him flip on Shannon, who has no clue that he’s even on the block, at first. Shannon is still on my nerves from last week’s “Girls are gonna take over and be president and start peeing standing up and take our bathrooms” or whatever.
Tribal Council: Shannon’s such an idiot. Man…you never, ever call people out this early at Tribal. Keep that stuff to yourself. Probst concurs – they just opened questions and already he’s gunning for bear. Dude, it’s too early to even know who the bears are! And now the consequence is that Shannon seems all squirrely and unstable because he won’t shut up. And he’s not done – when Sash tells him that he’s painted a big target on his own back, Shannon decides it’s the perfect time to ask Sash if he’s gay. Wow. Shut up, dude. Even Fabio thinks he’s dumb. And Fabio almost burned his face off.
Sash just smiles and tells him he’s had more beautiful women than Shannon, who engages in a juvenile round of “I know you are, but what am I?” Then he gets into how New York is full of gay people. Fabio’s heartbroken like he just found out about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy the same day. Probst tells him to suck it up and stop believing people, because that’s a sure recipe for having your torch snuffed. I believe this is delightful, because it’s not me.
The vote comes up, and it’s…Shannon! Again, he was a smart choice because he’s one of many, many disruptive forces in the tribe, but he’s fun to watch. Even his parting words are primo, saying that his 11 years of marriage actually age him and make him old enough to be part of the Old Tribe, who he hopes whoop up on the youngsters who just voted him off.
Me too, kid. Me too.
Funny enough, but you might want to rewatch that TiVo
You got some of the basic facts of the game wrong (how many balls did they each have to play?), and while the one character mentioned a parent from Jamaica, I heard him say he was half black — no half Jamaican — and that’s why he was looking to form the minority alliance with the black woman, and the Asian woman.
I think you got the quote wrong too: didn’t the one guy say he was keeping his eyes on the woman and HIS OWN shoes? I think he did.
Also, the conversation between Shannon and the others at Tribal? You editorialized to be funny and show your own opinions, but in doing so, you misrepresented what happened. Again, your choice, but I’m not so sure you’re being accurate in summarizing what happened on the tv show. Maybe that wasn’t your goal though?
Leslie– not sure if you mentioned this in the print edition, but this show goes against The Middle and Hells Kitchen (last night at least.) You know what would be valuable to this reader?
More of a factual recap (is there a lesser standard for online v print writing there? Probably shouldn’t be) would be appreciated for when others miss the show and want to know what happened. When you try to bring the funny, and create your own labels and descriptions, the facts get lost in the mix too often. (And not to be cruel but — perhaps it’s funnier in the writing than in the reading?? Ask other readers, non related and biased?)
How bout you first check your facts: what happened on the show, give us the basic recap, and THEN you go back and dress it up with your own style. That way, you’ll know you got the story right, and people who don’t watch might srill be able to follow along?
fwiw
Also, some people can pull off the “Dude… Man… ” talk.
You’re a married woman in her late 30s, with a bit of class and educated too. It honestly doesn’t work on you.
Clashes with this: To me, roughing it means a hotel where the bar and the restaurant are on different floors.
(And hey, I think you recycled that one from a previous writing of yours!!)
Answers!
I meant “my shoes.” Sorry. Mistype.
And I did recycle that line…but from my stand-up routine, and not from anything I did in print. Did you see my stand-up? Hopefully, you think it was funnier than this story.
Thanks for writing! Glad someone is reading!
Hey answer……You talk too much and aren’t all that smart either….A Jamaican is black. At least in my mind. Of course they are. Same thing. Duh…..
You still talk too much….STFU!
I read here your stand up. I was turned off by the “token black” comment myself. (I came up in the early 90s, when there were hiring freezes on at all papers… except “minority” journalists were courted for their special perspective. It’s true. They chose us by our skin color, not our writing talents, with the belief that the darker skinned could bring some special perspective — or insulate them against charges of elite whiteness, I guess. So… not funny to me, because “tokenism” often takes from non tokens, kind of us paying for the sins of past racists because our skin is white.)
That’s why, to be accurate, you should watch the show a bit closer and TiVo to confirm. I think the guy forming the “minority” alliance because — although he could “pass” — he reported last night he is “half black, with a parent from Jamaaica” not half-Jamaaican as you wrote here.
That will be an interesting alliance to watch — do young people today, in our allegedly post racial nation, really choose to split themselves up like that? Will they be successfu, this “minority” skincolor bond? Kinda doubt it…
Don’t bother fixing the half black/half Jamaican comment though. It’s not like accuracy matters, and perhaps it’s less offensive to spin it your way.
Readd the balls though: one team had to put in 4, and the other had an advantage with 3. No need to correct that either though, it was more a review about your in-jokes than about summing up the show for those who might have missed it.
If I hadn’t watched, your review as it is is … a hot mess (did I get the coolie cool lingo right?). You’re so busy making it about Leslie Streeter, it’s hard to follow — accurately — what happened on the show, just a plain basic summary, with the haha’s sprinkled in lightly, once you got the details right.
I guess that’s what Television Without Pity, or the Survivor website is for though. Still, if you’re interested at all in gaining a reader outside your hippety hip in-circle? Please at least consider what readers come here looking for… or not.
I don’t really care if you’re gray, black, white or purple myself.
Hi STu:
I hope I’m not speaking for the blog hostess here, but why the hostile attitude? Because I had some legitimate criticism of this article? Trust me: she’s a big girl and can read what I wrote and let it roll right off her back, like a duck.
STFU? God Bless you, and I hope your constipation abates. I know, when I’m feeling a bit under the weather, I sometimes get crabby too.
Last week’s review blamed someone for being too “chatty”. (Didn’t see it; assume that was accurate.) Here, she also blames Shannon for being chatty, with a Chatty Cathy doll as illustration too. Except … was he guilty of being “chatty”? Or just speaking his mind and pissing off the others?
Now that’s not like just … sitting around with your gal pals revealing too much. (Which is what I take happened last week with the ladies?) That’s not the same as what Shannon did — he deliberately took on the others, but that’s not exactly a crime of “chattiness”. STill, I suspect she found that file photo and wanted to use it…
Am I being too “chatty”? No, because before you showed, I wasn’t “chatting” at all, just writing my opinions. So be more accurate in your criticisms of me. When you stoop to vulgarities, you lose something in the creativity and frankly, the jab doesn’t fit like a well crafted one. Bring up your game.
Again, somehow I think Leslie is laughing all the way to the bank, and my words here don’t have her crying in the bathroom. So no need to defend here.
Also, I think “Jamaicans” are of three heritages: Afro-American escaped slaves (the history of the Maroons is fascinating!); the Taino and other native Indian tribes; and the Spanish. (If the Brits mingled in too, their traits were quickly subsumed.)
That guy identified himself as half-black though. Not half-Jamaican. You might not see the distinction, but I assure you, there is one. And why not just be accurate, especially if these alliance color theme is going to be developed on further shows.
Btw, what color skin does a half South African have? (That’s why the kid identified as half black, with a Jamaican parent. We should take self-descriptions at face value, especially in these days of intermingling, I think, and not try to reclassify someone according to our own whims.
Again, God Bless, and I hope your day gets better.
OK — I swear there was a picture of a 1960s Chatty Cathy doll up there when I wrote out my comments…
@Answer – you’re now my absolute FAV!!! Seriously, Thank you.
I watched the show and the challenge they do.
It involved a team moving 4 balls to their target, through mud, tossing it to each other, and scoring a basket.
The older team had some immunity handicap that took away one of their balls.
So 4 minus 1 = 3. Not sure where you got two from, but indeed Answer is correct. They had to score 3, and even though the other team was catching up, they put in their third before the other team scored their fourth ball.
Sorry Leslie. But math is math…
“What are the Challenge Creators smoking? Something awesome, I tell you, because it’s fast, dirty and fun. Anyway, the Oldsters only have to do two, which is pretty sweet.”
Nope. They only had a one ball less handicap. (If you followed sports, you’d see being off by one really does matter.)
And that kids said he was “half black” too…
I will take your word for the math, guys. Thanks for that! And as for “half-black” versus “Half-Jamaican,” it wasn’t meant to be a quote. He said that he was half black, and then mentioned that his father was Jamaican…which makes him half-Jamaican. You’re right, though – Jamaican does not have to mean black.
I’m on vacation next week, and not sure I’ll be blogging about “Survivor.” Try not to miss me too much :)
Yes, apparently, I’m joking.
Enjoy the veal.
I’ve been kidding that we need to have a contest to see how long it will take Jeff to learn the Tribe’s names and stop calling them “Older Tribe” and “Younger Tribe” like we don’t get the distinction. I LOVE Cocoon Tribe and the Scooby Gang”. Thank you for that.
“Anyway, the Oldsters only have to do two, which is pretty sweet.”
Actually, they had to make 3 shots.
You’ve got a mistake in your copy, as has been pointed out already.
I was hunting for info related to yesterday’s show of Survivor and I arrived on your site. I can’t grasp the reason why the tribe did not consume the rooster rather than one of the chickens. The hen chickens provide eggs. Anyway I thought the water challenge was very near to torture and incredibly unsafe. I believe that as a whole this season’s survivors are ordinary men and women and not highly intellectual folks like in the last few shows!!
NaOnka Mixon is likely to be taken out next Wednesday.